I know it's a made up word. But I kind of like it and it seems to fit.
-Finished To Kill a Mockingbird. Good book. I enjoyed it. I know it's supposed to be a great masterpiece of American literature and all but Owen Meany still beats it hands down for me.
-"There Will Be Blood" is finally in NW Arkansas, but it's at the theater that would require my taking the WORST exit in all of NWAR. That combined with Nuffy being sick last weekend and not being able to go and me just not really having the time, I've still not seen it.
-Not last Friday, but the Friday before, I stayed up until 4:30am Saturday finishing an assignment for my Licensure program that was due at 8am. I then had to sit through an extremely boring and nearly pointless class from 8am until about 3pm that day. Let me just tell you: I am WAY too old to be pulling all nighters of anything, let alone homework. It was horrible. It has crossed my mind that I'm constantly trying to motivate my 7th graders to get their homework done that they shouldn't waste all the time I give them in class to finish things which is basically me telling them they shouldn't procrastinate. Would this prove no one's disbelief that I am a hypocrite? No, because there's one big difference between me doing that assignment and my 7th graders: I actually did it and turned it in.
-I'm still contemplating buying a new computer. However, I haven't been contemplating since the last time I blogged and I only started contemplating again because the promotion that gets me an extra $150 off a shiny new Dell ends tomorrow. I'm afraid that my computer is still running well and that I can't make a $1000 decision in the time I have left. Froogle? Tight-wad? Incessant waffler? You be can decide for yourself.
-Last Thursday, I had the opportunity to go see my friends Ezra and Keith play a house concert with their original band, Wheatfield. Experienced incredible musicians, some great songs and impressive performances in an intimate setting with another good friend, Justin, that I'd not been able to hang with for awhile. It was so good to see Ezra and Keith and I'm so glad I found out about it and decided to go on short notice.
-Last night, I spent twice as much on a ticket (4 times as much if you count that I paid for Holly's ticket too) to go see the Indigo Girls.
Well, I just got a phone call and ran out of time to finish those thoughts. Will try to revisit this soon.
1.30.2008
1.13.2008
randomnity
-Great holiday break. I had two full weeks. Made treks to parents on both sides. Love and good fortune abounds. Sister came for 5 whole days, and even though she made me help her work on her record, it was still fun because that's almost the longest she's ever stayed with us.
-Was ready to get back to school last Sunday. I had a great attitude and felt rested and prepared. WRONG! last week may have been the most difficult in spite of the fact that nearly all of my problem students have transferred out of my class or moved. All I can think is that I've had a lot of congestion and didn't sleep well last week.
-Friday night, I watched the movie Jesus Camp. It was overwhelmingly depressing/horrifying/frustrating. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to deal with this. Can't stop thinking about it.
-I ordered the book, "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" through interlibrary loan. I've seen the movie, and there's not a whole lot more there. But it's interesting to me that Cameron Crowe actually went back to high school undercover as a 22 year old and then wrote this book. It's even more interesting that this book is out of print and that if you ever even find a beat up old paperback copy of it, you'll probably pay $50 or more.
-I'm reading "To Kill a Mockingbird" for the first time. Don't know why I haven't read it other than it seems weird that I wasn't required to read it in school at some point. I've never seen the movie either even though I've checked it out from the library a couple of times. I'm glad I've not seen the movie. I have a feeling it might end up being pretty high on my favorites list.
-Sent off two co-writes to TAXI for country listings. Neither got forwarded, but got some good feedback. I think we're going to try to fix one of them. More than anything, it's good that I've done something, even if it has been all because the co-writer keeps pushing.
-I just realized how inexpensively I could get into a PS2. That's tempting. 1)I would like to get guitar hero, 2)I could get tomb raider for even cheaper.
-Been contemplating a new computer purchase. However, I had to barebones my current machine before my sister got here, and it's been running better than it has for awhile. Can't decide if now's the time or not. Also having hard time deciding between desktop and laptop.
-I can't believe how big and growing NWA is and there still aren't any theatres playing "There Will Be Blood". This is a college town. Why in the world is there not an art theatre?
-Watch Bourne Ultimatum the other night. Those are pretty good flicks. Holly and I watched Waking Up in Reno again last night. That is a great movie. I know you've not heard of it. It's worth seeking out.
-Was ready to get back to school last Sunday. I had a great attitude and felt rested and prepared. WRONG! last week may have been the most difficult in spite of the fact that nearly all of my problem students have transferred out of my class or moved. All I can think is that I've had a lot of congestion and didn't sleep well last week.
-Friday night, I watched the movie Jesus Camp. It was overwhelmingly depressing/horrifying/frustrating. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to deal with this. Can't stop thinking about it.
-I ordered the book, "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" through interlibrary loan. I've seen the movie, and there's not a whole lot more there. But it's interesting to me that Cameron Crowe actually went back to high school undercover as a 22 year old and then wrote this book. It's even more interesting that this book is out of print and that if you ever even find a beat up old paperback copy of it, you'll probably pay $50 or more.
-I'm reading "To Kill a Mockingbird" for the first time. Don't know why I haven't read it other than it seems weird that I wasn't required to read it in school at some point. I've never seen the movie either even though I've checked it out from the library a couple of times. I'm glad I've not seen the movie. I have a feeling it might end up being pretty high on my favorites list.
-Sent off two co-writes to TAXI for country listings. Neither got forwarded, but got some good feedback. I think we're going to try to fix one of them. More than anything, it's good that I've done something, even if it has been all because the co-writer keeps pushing.
-I just realized how inexpensively I could get into a PS2. That's tempting. 1)I would like to get guitar hero, 2)I could get tomb raider for even cheaper.
-Been contemplating a new computer purchase. However, I had to barebones my current machine before my sister got here, and it's been running better than it has for awhile. Can't decide if now's the time or not. Also having hard time deciding between desktop and laptop.
-I can't believe how big and growing NWA is and there still aren't any theatres playing "There Will Be Blood". This is a college town. Why in the world is there not an art theatre?
-Watch Bourne Ultimatum the other night. Those are pretty good flicks. Holly and I watched Waking Up in Reno again last night. That is a great movie. I know you've not heard of it. It's worth seeking out.
1.04.2008
Favorites from 2007
So, I've seen a lot of people making their "best-of" lists for 2007. I started trying to think of things, but realized I don't have much. So, here are some lists. They aren't in any order, and they weren't even necessarily released in 2007. It's just what I can remember that I've been into this past year.
Music: More than anything, it feels like I have to view this year as the year I got old. I look at the big 2007 lists from the critics and I just don't get 90% of it. So many people like Arcade Fire's Neon Bible, but man: it just sounds like crap to me. stupid crap.
-Josh Rouse- Just discovered him this year and particularly got into the projects Nashville & Subtitulo. He's very pop/folk with a smidge of some jazz chords here and there.
-William Fitzsimmon, Goodnight. I typically don't like buying music from itunes, but I found this online and the only way I could actually get a CD would be to order it. After going back and forth on it for about a month, (more than enough time it would have taken for a CD to arrive in the mail), I downloaded it from itunes. The best I can describe this CD would be Iron & Wine vocals, folk instrumentation with the addition of trippy beats and loops as unto The Postal Service. The difference between this and Iron and Wine is that for some reason, it doesn't strike me as so precious and the melodies are more interesting to me. Besides just the gentle finger-picky guitar, he does have a lot of keyboards/piano on this thing. One of the reasons I may like it so much may be because his keyboards sound a lot like the way I play. This is definitely MELLOW, so don't be thinking you'll rock out to it.
-Ingrid Michaelson- Girls & Boys. Folky/poppy New York chick. Somewhere between Lisa Loeb, newer Norah Jones, and Coldplay/Keene (but again NY, not UK). Honestly, I can't stop listening to this CD. She's got a real effortless, 'real-world' kind of voice that I like. One interesting thing that I realized listening to one particular song: It starts out with a nice staccato guitar figure that hangs pretty well (again, it reminds me of something that I might do) and at the end of the 1st verse this 16th note hi-hat comes in. When I first noticed it, it felt so good, just because, in the studio, it's so rare to hear a drummer come in like that and play it so perfectly in time. I'm starting to think that my producing/recording experience may have left permanent scars...
-Suzanne Vega- Beauty & Crime. It didn't capture me like Ingrid did, but I've listened to it quite a bit. I've never been a Vega fan, but I like this CD and she's kind of taken Jonatha Brooke's place in my heart, because I couldn't really get anything out of her new record, Careful What You Wish For.
-Bruce Springsteen- Magic. I can't say that I'm in love with it. I LOVE The Rising and there's a lot that I like about Devils & Dust. However, I keep popping it in to listen to it some more, so that seems to say something to me.
Looking forward to the new Sam Phillips CD that's supposed to be coming out in February.
Movies:
Boy this category is dismal. 1)I've not seen many movies this year but 2)There really haven't been many movies worth watching.
I did love Pan's Labyrinth and regret not getting to see it in the theatre.
The only movie I can think of seeing in the theatre has been No Country for Old Men. Although that movie was really good and probably the best movie I've seen in the theatre of late, it's VERY dark and VERY bleak, and I don't know if I could put it as a favorite. I do love a lot of the Coen Brothers and Fargo is high on my favorite movies. More than a couple of times, I've described No Country as sort of Fargo set in TX but without any of the fun. Did you hear that peeps? It's DARK with a capital D.
Again, I don't know if this would be a favorite, but I saw my very first theatrical 3D movie about a month ago when I saw Beowulf 3D at the new Razorback theatre. The U2 3D trailer at the beginning about made me wet my pants and I will figure out a way to see it, but of all 3D movies I could see, Beowulf was pretty great to see that way.
Books:
-Crazy for God by Frank Schaeffer. I've wrote enough about this book. Go back and read previous blogs if you want.
-I've read a lot adolescent fiction since I've spent almost all of my mentoring money on books for my classroom library. I've not really hit any that I really love, but maybe I can't really love them anyway. I'm proud that I turned at least one student on to a book called "Touching Spirit Bear" that is pretty good.
That's all I can think of right now.
Music: More than anything, it feels like I have to view this year as the year I got old. I look at the big 2007 lists from the critics and I just don't get 90% of it. So many people like Arcade Fire's Neon Bible, but man: it just sounds like crap to me. stupid crap.
-Josh Rouse- Just discovered him this year and particularly got into the projects Nashville & Subtitulo. He's very pop/folk with a smidge of some jazz chords here and there.
-William Fitzsimmon, Goodnight. I typically don't like buying music from itunes, but I found this online and the only way I could actually get a CD would be to order it. After going back and forth on it for about a month, (more than enough time it would have taken for a CD to arrive in the mail), I downloaded it from itunes. The best I can describe this CD would be Iron & Wine vocals, folk instrumentation with the addition of trippy beats and loops as unto The Postal Service. The difference between this and Iron and Wine is that for some reason, it doesn't strike me as so precious and the melodies are more interesting to me. Besides just the gentle finger-picky guitar, he does have a lot of keyboards/piano on this thing. One of the reasons I may like it so much may be because his keyboards sound a lot like the way I play. This is definitely MELLOW, so don't be thinking you'll rock out to it.
-Ingrid Michaelson- Girls & Boys. Folky/poppy New York chick. Somewhere between Lisa Loeb, newer Norah Jones, and Coldplay/Keene (but again NY, not UK). Honestly, I can't stop listening to this CD. She's got a real effortless, 'real-world' kind of voice that I like. One interesting thing that I realized listening to one particular song: It starts out with a nice staccato guitar figure that hangs pretty well (again, it reminds me of something that I might do) and at the end of the 1st verse this 16th note hi-hat comes in. When I first noticed it, it felt so good, just because, in the studio, it's so rare to hear a drummer come in like that and play it so perfectly in time. I'm starting to think that my producing/recording experience may have left permanent scars...
-Suzanne Vega- Beauty & Crime. It didn't capture me like Ingrid did, but I've listened to it quite a bit. I've never been a Vega fan, but I like this CD and she's kind of taken Jonatha Brooke's place in my heart, because I couldn't really get anything out of her new record, Careful What You Wish For.
-Bruce Springsteen- Magic. I can't say that I'm in love with it. I LOVE The Rising and there's a lot that I like about Devils & Dust. However, I keep popping it in to listen to it some more, so that seems to say something to me.
Looking forward to the new Sam Phillips CD that's supposed to be coming out in February.
Movies:
Boy this category is dismal. 1)I've not seen many movies this year but 2)There really haven't been many movies worth watching.
I did love Pan's Labyrinth and regret not getting to see it in the theatre.
The only movie I can think of seeing in the theatre has been No Country for Old Men. Although that movie was really good and probably the best movie I've seen in the theatre of late, it's VERY dark and VERY bleak, and I don't know if I could put it as a favorite. I do love a lot of the Coen Brothers and Fargo is high on my favorite movies. More than a couple of times, I've described No Country as sort of Fargo set in TX but without any of the fun. Did you hear that peeps? It's DARK with a capital D.
Again, I don't know if this would be a favorite, but I saw my very first theatrical 3D movie about a month ago when I saw Beowulf 3D at the new Razorback theatre. The U2 3D trailer at the beginning about made me wet my pants and I will figure out a way to see it, but of all 3D movies I could see, Beowulf was pretty great to see that way.
Books:
-Crazy for God by Frank Schaeffer. I've wrote enough about this book. Go back and read previous blogs if you want.
-I've read a lot adolescent fiction since I've spent almost all of my mentoring money on books for my classroom library. I've not really hit any that I really love, but maybe I can't really love them anyway. I'm proud that I turned at least one student on to a book called "Touching Spirit Bear" that is pretty good.
That's all I can think of right now.
12.09.2007
Crazy for God (some more)
Crazy for God
I found this interview with Frank about the book by somebody that is mentioned in the book. I thought it was interesting.
Have you read the book yet?
I found this interview with Frank about the book by somebody that is mentioned in the book. I thought it was interesting.
Have you read the book yet?
12.06.2007
WTF??!!
How can I not be profoundly annoyed and use such strong txt-speak for the fact that our local news spent the first full 5 minutes of their 10pm broadcast informing the viewing audience that the Razorbacks still don't have football coach? Are you kidding me?
Usually I'm just blissfully oblivious to society's ridiculous preoccupation with organized sports and at most I may get mildly annoyed. However...
We're at war. We're starting into an election year. Gas prices are soaring and car manufacturers are still getting rich off people who go way into debt to drive vehicles that get a whopping 10 mpg. A 19 year old kid just killed 9 people in a mall. It's cold outside. I saw people standing on the side of the road with signs asking for help on the way home today. I'm trying to teach an alarming number of 7th graders who barely read as well as nuffy's 4 year old son and I don't know how I'm going to pay my dental bills. I don't care what you talk about, just talk about something more important than lamenting not being able to hire some guy for $X million to coach f-ing football. For the love of pete, grab just the tiniest bit of perspective.
Are you kidding me?
Usually I'm just blissfully oblivious to society's ridiculous preoccupation with organized sports and at most I may get mildly annoyed. However...
We're at war. We're starting into an election year. Gas prices are soaring and car manufacturers are still getting rich off people who go way into debt to drive vehicles that get a whopping 10 mpg. A 19 year old kid just killed 9 people in a mall. It's cold outside. I saw people standing on the side of the road with signs asking for help on the way home today. I'm trying to teach an alarming number of 7th graders who barely read as well as nuffy's 4 year old son and I don't know how I'm going to pay my dental bills. I don't care what you talk about, just talk about something more important than lamenting not being able to hire some guy for $X million to coach f-ing football. For the love of pete, grab just the tiniest bit of perspective.
Are you kidding me?
Crazy for God: How I Grew Up as One of the Elect, Helped Found the Religious Right, and Lived to Take All (or Almost All) of It Back
Crazy for God: How I Grew Up as One of the Elect, Helped Found the Religious Right, and Lived to Take All (or Almost All) of It Back
Anybody who has ever paid any attention to this blog knows that I am a fan of fiction. I'm pretty sure that I've read some other memoir, but I can't actually think of another at the moment. So, it is with great enthusiasm that I recommend this particular book to just about anybody that may actually read this blog. I'm seriously inhaling it.
I think that this book will make exactly a half dozen of Frank Schaeffer's books that I've read. I LOVE his Calvin Becker trilogy, and it's not far off to say that his two books, "Sham Pearls Before Real Swine" and "Addicted to Mediocrity" have had profound influence on my personal beliefs about art and creativity. I think the only book by his father, Francis, that I've actually read, is actually two rather short essays collected in a short volume called simply, "Art & the Bible". I has been formative to me as well.
The title really tells you what's in store. As I understand it, Frank made his escape from evangelicalism and converted to Greek Orthodox. (I've got about 50 pages left to the book, and he hasn't said anything about that yet.)
I had heard about the book, and then James said that he'd started reading it. I got it from the library and can't put it down. There are so many people that I would like to have read this.
I had a quote from the book that I thought about typing in, but I have to go to bed right now. Maybe some other time. If you read it, let me know what you think.
Anybody who has ever paid any attention to this blog knows that I am a fan of fiction. I'm pretty sure that I've read some other memoir, but I can't actually think of another at the moment. So, it is with great enthusiasm that I recommend this particular book to just about anybody that may actually read this blog. I'm seriously inhaling it.
I think that this book will make exactly a half dozen of Frank Schaeffer's books that I've read. I LOVE his Calvin Becker trilogy, and it's not far off to say that his two books, "Sham Pearls Before Real Swine" and "Addicted to Mediocrity" have had profound influence on my personal beliefs about art and creativity. I think the only book by his father, Francis, that I've actually read, is actually two rather short essays collected in a short volume called simply, "Art & the Bible". I has been formative to me as well.
The title really tells you what's in store. As I understand it, Frank made his escape from evangelicalism and converted to Greek Orthodox. (I've got about 50 pages left to the book, and he hasn't said anything about that yet.)
I had heard about the book, and then James said that he'd started reading it. I got it from the library and can't put it down. There are so many people that I would like to have read this.
I had a quote from the book that I thought about typing in, but I have to go to bed right now. Maybe some other time. If you read it, let me know what you think.
11.27.2007
Cocktails & Dreams...
Just kidding with the title. But you get 10 points if you can name the movie reference.
I'm feeling kind of weird. I really felt like I just needed some down time and that t-giving would be perfect to get me excited or at least more interested in this whole teaching business and carry me through Christmas break. What I didn't count on was that going back after those few days off would be so difficult. If anything, I feel more tired and more wore out than before break.
I also spent a little bit of time with an old friend that I've not talked to since I started teaching. She asked a little bit about teaching, but kept asking me questions about what I'm doing with "my music" these days and H has told me that this friend worries that teaching will keep me from what I'm "supposed" to be doing. On one hand, it's really nice to hear that somebody really thinks that writing/recording/performing is what I'm "meant" to do. On the other hand, I'm finding very little motivation to pursue those endeavors.
It's been like that. I don't know why, but I feel this compulsion to be evasive and vague about my music "career" with everybody I deal with in my new setting. I don't want students to find my web-site/myspace/blog or hear any of my recordings and I am reticent to talk about any of that with my new colleagues/friends. On the other hand, I don't think I've even been to Arsaga's since August and I've been to the studio probably 3 times since July. I have a co-writer that wants to write with me, and we've actually come up with some good stuff so far, but I can't help that other things get in the way and when they do, I'm not overly upset about it.
Sometimes I think that I just need to not worry about it and not push any of the music right now. That was the whole point of starting to teach: to take the pressure of making money off making music. Now, I just need to take the pressure off making music period. I keep telling myself that once I'm in the groove of teaching and I'm not so distracted, I'll pick it back up and write and play what I want.
Then I wrestle with the same little voice that is the source of all writer's block. To the writer, it whispers: "what if you never come up with a good idea again?" It's sitting on my shoulder saying that but also: "if you really just give up music, what if you never pick it up again?"
I think this is most scary because it questions the identity that I've always thought of myself. That doesn't make it any easier.
I'm feeling kind of weird. I really felt like I just needed some down time and that t-giving would be perfect to get me excited or at least more interested in this whole teaching business and carry me through Christmas break. What I didn't count on was that going back after those few days off would be so difficult. If anything, I feel more tired and more wore out than before break.
I also spent a little bit of time with an old friend that I've not talked to since I started teaching. She asked a little bit about teaching, but kept asking me questions about what I'm doing with "my music" these days and H has told me that this friend worries that teaching will keep me from what I'm "supposed" to be doing. On one hand, it's really nice to hear that somebody really thinks that writing/recording/performing is what I'm "meant" to do. On the other hand, I'm finding very little motivation to pursue those endeavors.
It's been like that. I don't know why, but I feel this compulsion to be evasive and vague about my music "career" with everybody I deal with in my new setting. I don't want students to find my web-site/myspace/blog or hear any of my recordings and I am reticent to talk about any of that with my new colleagues/friends. On the other hand, I don't think I've even been to Arsaga's since August and I've been to the studio probably 3 times since July. I have a co-writer that wants to write with me, and we've actually come up with some good stuff so far, but I can't help that other things get in the way and when they do, I'm not overly upset about it.
Sometimes I think that I just need to not worry about it and not push any of the music right now. That was the whole point of starting to teach: to take the pressure of making money off making music. Now, I just need to take the pressure off making music period. I keep telling myself that once I'm in the groove of teaching and I'm not so distracted, I'll pick it back up and write and play what I want.
Then I wrestle with the same little voice that is the source of all writer's block. To the writer, it whispers: "what if you never come up with a good idea again?" It's sitting on my shoulder saying that but also: "if you really just give up music, what if you never pick it up again?"
I think this is most scary because it questions the identity that I've always thought of myself. That doesn't make it any easier.
11.25.2007
she has the highest midi-chlorian count I've ever seen...
On Saturday, my lovely wife decided it was time to put up Christmas decorations. This means I help get them down from the attic and she goes at it.
It was fun watching "Itchy" (that's another new thing, if you ask her what her name is she says "Itchy") looking at the tree and the lights and ornaments and pointing them and naming them. She's good at spotting Mickey Mouse and Snowmen, but she doesn't know who Santa Claus is yet.
H had put a number of ornaments around the bottom of the tree that Itchy could reach including a Luke Skywalker Christmas ornament with blue light saber drawn and wearing his bespin fatigues. I always thought this was his coolest garb.
Anyway, Itchy found Luke and started saying, "Daddy! Daddy!" and kissing the action figure.
I don't really think there's anything left to say about that.
It was fun watching "Itchy" (that's another new thing, if you ask her what her name is she says "Itchy") looking at the tree and the lights and ornaments and pointing them and naming them. She's good at spotting Mickey Mouse and Snowmen, but she doesn't know who Santa Claus is yet.
H had put a number of ornaments around the bottom of the tree that Itchy could reach including a Luke Skywalker Christmas ornament with blue light saber drawn and wearing his bespin fatigues. I always thought this was his coolest garb.
Anyway, Itchy found Luke and started saying, "Daddy! Daddy!" and kissing the action figure.
I don't really think there's anything left to say about that.
11.01.2007
a couple more thoughts...
I wouldn't want to say "retractions", but maybe a couple of clarifications:
1) My rant may not suggest it, but I have no problem with somebody reading theological/philosophical non-fiction. In fact, I think it's probably good for you in helping you reflect on your own life and your own beliefs. What I get annoyed about is when that is ALL it seems a person will read/think about/discuss. This seems WAY out of balance. Jeff made some particularly clear comments on this subject. He probably even said what I meant to say better than I actually did. So, check that out.
2) I read t-rev's comment a couple of days ago, and I'm being too lazy to go back and re-read it to comment on some things he said specifically, but here's some responses that I remember:
Yes, writing "worship music" (and I'm referring to the most simplistic definition of this) is and should be much more concrete in its terminology and "craft" if you will. Consequently, I'm not sure that you can have really "good art" in a worship song. I wrestle with this. And it opens a huge can of worms in terms of "good art" vs. "bad art", but I don't really want to go there.
When I was younger, I was told the the highest aspiration or highest purpose of the art of songwriting would be writing praise and worship songs. I have all kinds of problems with this statement now, and I'm not sure if I really bought it to begin with. And I don't really want to go there right now, either. (I'm tired and lazy.)
My point here is that Mockingbird was NOT a Praise & Worship record. If it were, I would be evaluating it by a different set of criteria. I would say its purpose was to be an "artistic" statement and in that regard, I believe it failed horribly. I would contend that it was definitely a statement, but feebly artistic if at all. And again, I say that even though I agreed with most of what he had to say. I just think that if he's going to say it in the way he did (lacking poetry/nuance/etc.), he should write a brochure or booklet or something instead of a record.
I felt the same way a couple of years ago about Allanis Morrissette. (spelling?) I had read in an interview that she'd decided that she didn't talk or think in meter or rhyming, so she decided that her songs didn't need to either. I'm sorry but that's not really songwriting to me. I'd call it writing that you sing. And if it's just writing, why don't you just write for somebody to read.
I realize that my ideas of songwriting are not the same as others'. Some want more structure and more craft than I do. Some want less. I'm ok with that. I'm just saying that Mockingbird does not fit my definition of good songwriting craft and/or art.
P.S. Thanks for commenting. I really didn't know if anybody looked at this anymore.
1) My rant may not suggest it, but I have no problem with somebody reading theological/philosophical non-fiction. In fact, I think it's probably good for you in helping you reflect on your own life and your own beliefs. What I get annoyed about is when that is ALL it seems a person will read/think about/discuss. This seems WAY out of balance. Jeff made some particularly clear comments on this subject. He probably even said what I meant to say better than I actually did. So, check that out.
2) I read t-rev's comment a couple of days ago, and I'm being too lazy to go back and re-read it to comment on some things he said specifically, but here's some responses that I remember:
Yes, writing "worship music" (and I'm referring to the most simplistic definition of this) is and should be much more concrete in its terminology and "craft" if you will. Consequently, I'm not sure that you can have really "good art" in a worship song. I wrestle with this. And it opens a huge can of worms in terms of "good art" vs. "bad art", but I don't really want to go there.
When I was younger, I was told the the highest aspiration or highest purpose of the art of songwriting would be writing praise and worship songs. I have all kinds of problems with this statement now, and I'm not sure if I really bought it to begin with. And I don't really want to go there right now, either. (I'm tired and lazy.)
My point here is that Mockingbird was NOT a Praise & Worship record. If it were, I would be evaluating it by a different set of criteria. I would say its purpose was to be an "artistic" statement and in that regard, I believe it failed horribly. I would contend that it was definitely a statement, but feebly artistic if at all. And again, I say that even though I agreed with most of what he had to say. I just think that if he's going to say it in the way he did (lacking poetry/nuance/etc.), he should write a brochure or booklet or something instead of a record.
I felt the same way a couple of years ago about Allanis Morrissette. (spelling?) I had read in an interview that she'd decided that she didn't talk or think in meter or rhyming, so she decided that her songs didn't need to either. I'm sorry but that's not really songwriting to me. I'd call it writing that you sing. And if it's just writing, why don't you just write for somebody to read.
I realize that my ideas of songwriting are not the same as others'. Some want more structure and more craft than I do. Some want less. I'm ok with that. I'm just saying that Mockingbird does not fit my definition of good songwriting craft and/or art.
P.S. Thanks for commenting. I really didn't know if anybody looked at this anymore.
10.28.2007
a thought...
I know a number of people and check a number of blogs of people who like to populate their "recommended reading" lists with all kinds of books discussing theology, church growth, spiritual formation, spiritual disciplines and stuff like that.
It annoys the crap out of me. It just seems an outrageous waste of time and energy. (I must send out an apology to a couple of you that may read this. You know who you are.)
I mean, the people that I've known in my life that I have respected the most for their spiritual maturity and wisdom would never mention their personal theology. What impressed me about those people I can think of would be their humility, generosity, gentleness and honesty.
I just think most people don't care if you're 5 point Calvinist or Armenian. They don't care if you believe every word of the Left Behind books or if you even believe there is an actual hell or not.
I also think that when it's all said and done all this thought, study and discussion will be dust. It won't matter. Why in the world would anybody be sitting around in heaven talking about this stuff? Why should any body worry about it now?
What will be talking about if we make it to that point?
Stories...
It annoys the crap out of me. It just seems an outrageous waste of time and energy. (I must send out an apology to a couple of you that may read this. You know who you are.)
I mean, the people that I've known in my life that I have respected the most for their spiritual maturity and wisdom would never mention their personal theology. What impressed me about those people I can think of would be their humility, generosity, gentleness and honesty.
I just think most people don't care if you're 5 point Calvinist or Armenian. They don't care if you believe every word of the Left Behind books or if you even believe there is an actual hell or not.
I also think that when it's all said and done all this thought, study and discussion will be dust. It won't matter. Why in the world would anybody be sitting around in heaven talking about this stuff? Why should any body worry about it now?
What will be talking about if we make it to that point?
Stories...
10.24.2007
It’s An Audible Sigh: An Interview with Bill Mallonee (Part One)
Excerpt from my comment on the actual article:
I honestly think that Audible Sigh is the reason that I’ve never been able to embrace Wilco, SonVolt, or even Ryan Adams for that matter. Audible Sigh was really my first “alt-country” experience and all those other “alt-country” tagged artists/bands/albums just don’t even come close.
It’s also interesting and heart-breaking to read Bill’s assessment of his place (or lack thereof) in the music industry. I think his assumptions are spot on. For all their talking and posturing, posers like Derek Webb and Caedmon’s Call are not really as far removed from Casting Crowns and Mercy Me as they (or their audiences)would like to think. It’s just that they’re a little hipper about it.
For that matter, I recently read an interview with Don Chaffer (it may have been here) where Don even admitted that looking back, waterdeep was guilty of following the CCM money/fanbase a little bit and he seemed to carry some regret about where WD ended up artistically because of it.
What is even more abhorrent is the fact that the CCM community not only did NOT support true artistic endeavor like V.O.L., but that there was just enough of an association to hinder V.O.L. from making headway with the No Depression crowd.
It seems that now, with Magazines like Paste, and webzines like the ooze and relevant, there would be more people open to embracing sincere artistry like Bill. Unfortunately, if you spend any time reading those zines, you’ll find they’re just as likely to embrace mindless drek like Tomlin, Webb or Agnew.
Bill, like Mark Heard or Van Goh, seems just too serious and sincere about living out his art authentically to build a fan base that could sustain livelihood. This is not a criticism. It is an awed observation. I struggle to reconcile this with God’s design for art’s place in human existence. All I can can do is cling to the belief that God’s economy is not man’s.
The only thing I didn't mention in my comment is that I do have to disagree with Bill on one point. His self-editing is not as stringent as he contends. Over the course of his albums, he's got a number of filler. Especially over the solo records. I think I have 4 or 5 of them, and would say there might be one album's worth of quality songs. His going solo and doing the "homespun" records has given him the freedom to release material quickly and easily. Unfortunately, if he were limited to 1 record every year or so, I think his output would be of higher quality.
What is it with alt-country guys? This is the same problem Ryan Adams has except that he's yet to put out a masterpiece like Audible Sigh. IMHO
I love you, Bill. I wonder if you might be happier if you let your art be your passion rather than continuing to beat your head against the wall trying to make it your vocation. I only say that because that's where I'm at and trying to be. It's not easy and it's not fun and I sometimes have severe doubts, but I've yet to give up on the possibility.
10.14.2007
bloggity
quick blogs:
-This week is the 9th week of school. I have to turn in grades for report cards at the end of this week. I've got a lot of assignments that I need to get graded. I'm not as far behind as I would expect, but I am a little behind.
-Next week, after report cards, I have my first parent-teacher conferences. I'm not real worried, but maybe I should be.
-I played the first gig I've had in months. I traded sets with Brasher, but otherwise it was completely solo acoustic. Oh yea, mr. powers was in town, so I got him to come up and play on a few songs. Good news was that Brasher and I both got $100. Bad news is that there was next to nobody there. That's what you get when you have a couple of 30-somethings playing folky-singer-songwriter material in a bar for 3 hours on a Saturday night. Oh yea, and the Razorbacks lost, so most who might have come out were too depressed. I had fun with Brasher though.
-I have really only 2 students that ruin my teaching experience. I've figured out how to deal with every other problem, but these two constantly fight me and I don't know what to do with them. It's frustrating because I really love the rest of my students and am enjoying teaching. I know that I'm lucky that it's only 2, but I still have to figure out how to deal with those two.
-Read a NY Times bestseller that I've seen a lot of the middle school girls reading called "Twilight". It's a teenage vampire story. I can totally see how adolescent girls would get into it, but I thought it was pretty ridiculous.
-Started reading another book that I book for the kiddos called "House of the Scorpion". It's pretty good. I'll let you know when I finish.
-Unfortunately, I'm not getting very much reading in.
-I've written most of two songs with another songwriter I know. This is exciting just because I've done something. One of the songs seems really commercial but kind of boring to me personally. The other might be pretty great, but it still needs finished.
-baby-shack is awesome. I love her so much and hate leaving her to go to school everyday.
-wifey-shack takes care of me beyond what I deserve.
-time is moving very fast.
-This week is the 9th week of school. I have to turn in grades for report cards at the end of this week. I've got a lot of assignments that I need to get graded. I'm not as far behind as I would expect, but I am a little behind.
-Next week, after report cards, I have my first parent-teacher conferences. I'm not real worried, but maybe I should be.
-I played the first gig I've had in months. I traded sets with Brasher, but otherwise it was completely solo acoustic. Oh yea, mr. powers was in town, so I got him to come up and play on a few songs. Good news was that Brasher and I both got $100. Bad news is that there was next to nobody there. That's what you get when you have a couple of 30-somethings playing folky-singer-songwriter material in a bar for 3 hours on a Saturday night. Oh yea, and the Razorbacks lost, so most who might have come out were too depressed. I had fun with Brasher though.
-I have really only 2 students that ruin my teaching experience. I've figured out how to deal with every other problem, but these two constantly fight me and I don't know what to do with them. It's frustrating because I really love the rest of my students and am enjoying teaching. I know that I'm lucky that it's only 2, but I still have to figure out how to deal with those two.
-Read a NY Times bestseller that I've seen a lot of the middle school girls reading called "Twilight". It's a teenage vampire story. I can totally see how adolescent girls would get into it, but I thought it was pretty ridiculous.
-Started reading another book that I book for the kiddos called "House of the Scorpion". It's pretty good. I'll let you know when I finish.
-Unfortunately, I'm not getting very much reading in.
-I've written most of two songs with another songwriter I know. This is exciting just because I've done something. One of the songs seems really commercial but kind of boring to me personally. The other might be pretty great, but it still needs finished.
-baby-shack is awesome. I love her so much and hate leaving her to go to school everyday.
-wifey-shack takes care of me beyond what I deserve.
-time is moving very fast.
9.30.2007
the blogging english teacher (all lower-case letters are on PURPOSE!)
So, it's kind of weird. One of the things that I've been working on today is grading some Narrative Essays that my 7th graders had to turn in last week. We don't really have tests in that class, so these writing projects are pretty significant to their grades.
Anyway, after writing that last blog, I realized that I was being hyper critical and careful to use correct grammar and punctuation, etc. If you see something wrong, please don't tell me. I don't want to know. I also don't want to become an english/grammar/punctuation nazi in general, and I REALLY don't want to said nazi toward myself on my own blog.
In which case, i will not capitalize "i" with impunity.
Impunity...that might make for a good Word Of the Day for tomorrow...argh!
Anyway, after writing that last blog, I realized that I was being hyper critical and careful to use correct grammar and punctuation, etc. If you see something wrong, please don't tell me. I don't want to know. I also don't want to become an english/grammar/punctuation nazi in general, and I REALLY don't want to said nazi toward myself on my own blog.
In which case, i will not capitalize "i" with impunity.
Impunity...that might make for a good Word Of the Day for tomorrow...argh!
Fear Factor part II
Even after all my whining, Holly still took Ivy to Wichita for the weekend. (I know this weekend is a good time. I started my Saturday modules and so I wouldn't have had as much time with Ivy anyway. But still...)
So, now I've not seen my girls since I went to bed Thursday night. What can I say? I hate it. Now I not only have to deal with irrational fear that they're a long way away from me and I need them to come home to me safe, but I'm also lonely, bored and depressed!
To top it all off, after arriving in Wichita, H started feeling really crappy and running a temp. She's been in bed at our friends' in Wichita pretty much since Saturday evening. I'm torn because I REALLY want them to come home tomorrow and be here when I get home. But I also don't want H driving if she's feeling weak/sleepy/sick. argh!!! Damn these parental motivations! I lived so long without worrying about them.
It's almost 10:30. I've spent most of the day alternately procrastinating and actually accomplishing some much needed grading of homework. Now, I should get in there and make my own PB&J for my lunch tomorrow....man this sucks.
So, now I've not seen my girls since I went to bed Thursday night. What can I say? I hate it. Now I not only have to deal with irrational fear that they're a long way away from me and I need them to come home to me safe, but I'm also lonely, bored and depressed!
To top it all off, after arriving in Wichita, H started feeling really crappy and running a temp. She's been in bed at our friends' in Wichita pretty much since Saturday evening. I'm torn because I REALLY want them to come home tomorrow and be here when I get home. But I also don't want H driving if she's feeling weak/sleepy/sick. argh!!! Damn these parental motivations! I lived so long without worrying about them.
It's almost 10:30. I've spent most of the day alternately procrastinating and actually accomplishing some much needed grading of homework. Now, I should get in there and make my own PB&J for my lunch tomorrow....man this sucks.
9.18.2007
Fear Factor
When I was a kid, I was afraid that Jesus would come back before I got to see the final Star Wars movie. As of May 19th, 2005, that has no longer been a concern.
When I got a little bit older, I was worried that Jesus would come back before I could have sex. (Be shocked if you want, but I guarantee that all honest church boys have this concern at some point...I'm just sayin'....) I don't have to worry about this any more either.
The truth is that I don't think I've really felt afraid. I worried that something would happen that would cause me to miss a future experience, but the fear was never that I could die. Until now.
Now, I have to be here for the girl. I don't want to miss anything. I don't want her to grow up without me. I can't tolerate the idea that something could happen and that I'll miss seeing her grow up and knowing her as she becomes more and more her own person everyday.
Everything is more serious now. Driving on the bypass is a much bigger deal. Driving anywhere is a much bigger deal. Collapsing bridges and crashing semis, highway debris, drunk drivers and potentially psychotic overly disgruntled 7th and 8th graders with too much hunting experience haunt my sense of security.
I was warned about many things, but I don't think I was adequately warned as to how much more I'd have to confront fear in my life. It doesn't control me, but for the first time: it's there.
When I got a little bit older, I was worried that Jesus would come back before I could have sex. (Be shocked if you want, but I guarantee that all honest church boys have this concern at some point...I'm just sayin'....) I don't have to worry about this any more either.
The truth is that I don't think I've really felt afraid. I worried that something would happen that would cause me to miss a future experience, but the fear was never that I could die. Until now.
Now, I have to be here for the girl. I don't want to miss anything. I don't want her to grow up without me. I can't tolerate the idea that something could happen and that I'll miss seeing her grow up and knowing her as she becomes more and more her own person everyday.
Everything is more serious now. Driving on the bypass is a much bigger deal. Driving anywhere is a much bigger deal. Collapsing bridges and crashing semis, highway debris, drunk drivers and potentially psychotic overly disgruntled 7th and 8th graders with too much hunting experience haunt my sense of security.
I was warned about many things, but I don't think I was adequately warned as to how much more I'd have to confront fear in my life. It doesn't control me, but for the first time: it's there.
A What?! (tales from a 7th grade classroom-first entry. This is for James.)
So, in my first class class of the day, we're talking about our word of the
day: bedlam. (means chaos, confusion). We've already talked about
what the word means and I ask: "What would be some situations or
settings that you would expect there to be bedlam?
I get a couple of kids raise their hands and they say, "war" or an
earthquake or a tsunami. And then I call on this one kid and he says:
"A gangbang!"
I have no idea what my face looked like. I was a deer in headlights with my jaw hitting the floor. Then he said, "you know, like a bank robbery or something..." I say: "Ok...yes, like a bank robbery or something like that...." Whew!
I'm glad that 7th graders are pretty innocent for the most part. The
other day we were talking about plot and I had to talk about "climax".
I knew then that they didn't know otherwise or I would have had
snickers.
day: bedlam. (means chaos, confusion). We've already talked about
what the word means and I ask: "What would be some situations or
settings that you would expect there to be bedlam?
I get a couple of kids raise their hands and they say, "war" or an
earthquake or a tsunami. And then I call on this one kid and he says:
"A gangbang!"
I have no idea what my face looked like. I was a deer in headlights with my jaw hitting the floor. Then he said, "you know, like a bank robbery or something..." I say: "Ok...yes, like a bank robbery or something like that...." Whew!
I'm glad that 7th graders are pretty innocent for the most part. The
other day we were talking about plot and I had to talk about "climax".
I knew then that they didn't know otherwise or I would have had
snickers.
8.28.2007
We [shouldn't] live as exegetes.
Rustin linked this interview from his blog. He highlighted a different part, but this jumped out at me:
-Eugene Peterson, interview here
"The importance of poetry and novels is that the Christian life involves the use of the imagination, after all, we are dealing with the invisible. And, imagination is our training in dealing with the invisible, making connections, looking for plot and character. I don't want to do away with or denigrate theology or exegesis, but our primary allies in this business are the artists. I want literature to be on par with those other things. They need to be brought in as full partners in this whole business. The arts reflect where we live, we live in narrative, we live in story. We don't live as exegetes."
-Eugene Peterson, interview here
8.26.2007
week #1 accomplished
I know many have asked how my first week of teaching went. I don't have time to go into any big stories right now, but I feel really good about it.
I think that I've got a great bunch of students. There's a couple that may end up being handfuls, but nothing that doesn't seem manageable at this point. I think they're understanding that I mean what I say and that I'm going to hold them to the expectations I have for them. But I also think they're understanding that I'm as much about getting the work done so we can play as they are.
I'll keep you posted.
I think that I've got a great bunch of students. There's a couple that may end up being handfuls, but nothing that doesn't seem manageable at this point. I think they're understanding that I mean what I say and that I'm going to hold them to the expectations I have for them. But I also think they're understanding that I'm as much about getting the work done so we can play as they are.
I'll keep you posted.
36
Today, I begin leaving my "mid-30's" and start heading into my "late-30's". This morning, Holly said, "I remember you being depressed on your 20th birthday..." I said, "Oh really? You mean 16 years ago?" Wow. I'm a whole driving teenager older than 20.
For a lot of my life, I measured my age and my level of success by that age by comparing myself to the late Rich Mullins. He put out his first non-independent record at about age 32. I've stopped using that as my measure of success for a number of reasons. 1) I didn't make it. but, 2) by the time I was 32, I didn't want to put out a non-independent record if it meant putting it out to feed the Christian bubl-I mean sub-culture. 3) Rich died tragically at 42. Not a good omen.
Even though I'm not rolling in $$ from music royalties, and few of my CDs have ever gone much further than my own hand, I'm still pretty proud of some of my accomplishments in music.
-2005 NAMA award for best singer/songwriter
-Individual Artist Fellowship from the Arkansas Arts Council for music composition in 2003.
-Gypsy Heart earned me a lot of respect as a songwriter and producer from a (non-christian) community of songwriters/musicians that I look up to and respect immensely.
-I've put out a number of other CDs that have spoken to different people at different times and I've actually heard back from those connections.
-There are a number of CDs that I've produced for other artists that I'm very proud to say that I produced. Not least of which would be my sister's CD.
-Any boxes containing unsold CDs that I have in my garage are completely paid for. There are plenty of independent musicians that can't say that.
These are just some of the musical accomplishments that I hold onto in my life. But, I'm even more proud of the fact that in following my musical aspirations I have still:
-built a number of long lasting friendships and relationships in my life. Some of the BEST experiences I've had in making records have been because I've been able to make records with really outstanding people to hang out with. I don't have any regrets of promoting myself or my music or putting those desires over relationships with others. I don't have to regret how I treated people to claw my way up the ladder.
-been faithful to and built a solid relationship with a beautiful, wonderful wife of 14 years. Even in spite of most of that time traveling and working together 24/7, we still have fun and enjoy each other's friendship and company.
-had a beautiful, healthy, baby girl to raise and love with my wife.
-succeeded in taking on the challenge of actually changing careers and have even survived a whole week in my new position as 7th grade teacher.
It seems natural to me that I should take a birthday as opportunity to look at my life and consider how I feel about what I've accomplished so far. This is an abbreviated list, but it still makes me feel pretty good. Now, if about 20-30 lbs. would just go away...
I know that when I was in 7th and 8th grade, I dreamed of being the next Michael W. Smith. I can honestly say, thank heaven that dream didn't come true. (That's actually my friend, Mark.)
For a lot of my life, I measured my age and my level of success by that age by comparing myself to the late Rich Mullins. He put out his first non-independent record at about age 32. I've stopped using that as my measure of success for a number of reasons. 1) I didn't make it. but, 2) by the time I was 32, I didn't want to put out a non-independent record if it meant putting it out to feed the Christian bubl-I mean sub-culture. 3) Rich died tragically at 42. Not a good omen.
Even though I'm not rolling in $$ from music royalties, and few of my CDs have ever gone much further than my own hand, I'm still pretty proud of some of my accomplishments in music.
-2005 NAMA award for best singer/songwriter
-Individual Artist Fellowship from the Arkansas Arts Council for music composition in 2003.
-Gypsy Heart earned me a lot of respect as a songwriter and producer from a (non-christian) community of songwriters/musicians that I look up to and respect immensely.
-I've put out a number of other CDs that have spoken to different people at different times and I've actually heard back from those connections.
-There are a number of CDs that I've produced for other artists that I'm very proud to say that I produced. Not least of which would be my sister's CD.
-Any boxes containing unsold CDs that I have in my garage are completely paid for. There are plenty of independent musicians that can't say that.
These are just some of the musical accomplishments that I hold onto in my life. But, I'm even more proud of the fact that in following my musical aspirations I have still:
-built a number of long lasting friendships and relationships in my life. Some of the BEST experiences I've had in making records have been because I've been able to make records with really outstanding people to hang out with. I don't have any regrets of promoting myself or my music or putting those desires over relationships with others. I don't have to regret how I treated people to claw my way up the ladder.
-been faithful to and built a solid relationship with a beautiful, wonderful wife of 14 years. Even in spite of most of that time traveling and working together 24/7, we still have fun and enjoy each other's friendship and company.
-had a beautiful, healthy, baby girl to raise and love with my wife.
-succeeded in taking on the challenge of actually changing careers and have even survived a whole week in my new position as 7th grade teacher.
It seems natural to me that I should take a birthday as opportunity to look at my life and consider how I feel about what I've accomplished so far. This is an abbreviated list, but it still makes me feel pretty good. Now, if about 20-30 lbs. would just go away...
I know that when I was in 7th and 8th grade, I dreamed of being the next Michael W. Smith. I can honestly say, thank heaven that dream didn't come true. (That's actually my friend, Mark.)
8.15.2007
14 years !?
The day I gave H a ring and we announced that we were getting married, I was a wreck. All day long we were getting congratulations and "Oh, I knew it!" "You belong together!" blah blah blah. I tried to smile and act like I was excited, but I was scared to death.
I was 21 years old. I liked girls a lot. I liked to flirt a lot. To be honest, I thought maybe I was too young and thought maybe I should keep myself untethered and sow a few more wild oats before settling down. What if somebody else came along later who was better? Hotter? ?
These are the thoughts/questions of an idiot; A very lucky idiot.
The night we made that announcement, after Holly had gone home and I was back in my room, I sat down and wrote a list all the reasons I could think of why we'd make a good married couple. Also, a friend who I looked up to a lot talked to me about what made him decide to get married. He said that he was really worried about the whole thing. He kept asking himself all these "what if" questions. The fact is, I probably have met somebody else in my life that I could marry and be happy with. I probably will meet somebody else in my life again. But that's not the point of marriage. Marriage is a decision to commit and say, "this is it. This is the one. I'm going to stick with this one no matter what else comes along."
This doesn't seem particularly romantic in the way hollywood would have us understand romance. I can imagine some people reading this and mistakenly thinking: "wow, that's really sad. What about passion? What about the breathless feeling that happens with infatuation? Why would I want to give up the opportunity for that by tying myself down?" And I'd say that's part of the mystery of it all that's not too unlike what I've been experiencing the last 15+ months with Ivy. The fact is what I have gained far outweighs any "opportunities" that I may or may not be available for anymore.
I don't really think this blog is written very well and I imagine some could read this and think it's particularly unromantic. But what I'm trying to say is that I have been so blessed by my wife. She's smart in ways that I am not. She's joyful in ways that I am not and helps me to be more joyful. She's strong in ways that I am not and she supports me when I need it. She is loving in ways that I am not, and yet continues to love me even when I do poorly at loving her back in the ways that she needs.
I can't believe that we've been married for 14 years now. That's a long time. And to think that we still get along, we still have fun, we still work things out together, we still laugh and we know each other better than anybody else and yet still want to hang around each other. One of the most fun things of my marriage is to be in the same house as Holly while she's watching America's Funniest Home videos all by herself.
And now, we've made this gorgeous little girl who's bound us together as 3 instead of 2. Add to everything else that she's a great mom to Ivy.
I know that I've said it before, but I am blessed beyond measure or reason. I'm looking forward to the next 14 years and more.
I was 21 years old. I liked girls a lot. I liked to flirt a lot. To be honest, I thought maybe I was too young and thought maybe I should keep myself untethered and sow a few more wild oats before settling down. What if somebody else came along later who was better? Hotter? ?
These are the thoughts/questions of an idiot; A very lucky idiot.
The night we made that announcement, after Holly had gone home and I was back in my room, I sat down and wrote a list all the reasons I could think of why we'd make a good married couple. Also, a friend who I looked up to a lot talked to me about what made him decide to get married. He said that he was really worried about the whole thing. He kept asking himself all these "what if" questions. The fact is, I probably have met somebody else in my life that I could marry and be happy with. I probably will meet somebody else in my life again. But that's not the point of marriage. Marriage is a decision to commit and say, "this is it. This is the one. I'm going to stick with this one no matter what else comes along."
This doesn't seem particularly romantic in the way hollywood would have us understand romance. I can imagine some people reading this and mistakenly thinking: "wow, that's really sad. What about passion? What about the breathless feeling that happens with infatuation? Why would I want to give up the opportunity for that by tying myself down?" And I'd say that's part of the mystery of it all that's not too unlike what I've been experiencing the last 15+ months with Ivy. The fact is what I have gained far outweighs any "opportunities" that I may or may not be available for anymore.
I don't really think this blog is written very well and I imagine some could read this and think it's particularly unromantic. But what I'm trying to say is that I have been so blessed by my wife. She's smart in ways that I am not. She's joyful in ways that I am not and helps me to be more joyful. She's strong in ways that I am not and she supports me when I need it. She is loving in ways that I am not, and yet continues to love me even when I do poorly at loving her back in the ways that she needs.
I can't believe that we've been married for 14 years now. That's a long time. And to think that we still get along, we still have fun, we still work things out together, we still laugh and we know each other better than anybody else and yet still want to hang around each other. One of the most fun things of my marriage is to be in the same house as Holly while she's watching America's Funniest Home videos all by herself.
And now, we've made this gorgeous little girl who's bound us together as 3 instead of 2. Add to everything else that she's a great mom to Ivy.
I know that I've said it before, but I am blessed beyond measure or reason. I'm looking forward to the next 14 years and more.
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