A few blogs ago I mentioned that death sucks. It bites, too. Will, Holly's sted-granddad died last wednesday. He was ready and isn't in pain anymore. That doesn't change the fact that we don't get to see him anymore.
Anyway, Holly left for Wichita on Friday, the funeral was Saturday, and she's staying till Wednesday to just be with her Grammy. I had 4 "gigs" of sorts this weekend between Friday night and Sunday night, so I couldn't go (and my fingers hurt.)
Holly and I have always been different than other couples. Most people, between jobs, kids, etc have to struggle to carve out little chunks of time to spend together. For the longest time, neither of us had jobs and were out traveling and playing together every weekend. There would be times when we were together 24/7 literally. The cool thing is that even with that much exposures, we don't get on each other's nerves very often.
So, here I am without her with me from Friday-Wednesday. We say "Batchin' It" as in "Living as a Bachelor". I'm not very good at it.
There was about 9 months in college, before Holly and I were engaged that we were broke up. (That's another story...) I lived was living in a dorm/house in with my own room and my neighbor, Dean, was a neat-freak and kept the bathroom spotless.
I hardly spent any time in my room, by myself, that whole time. I'd hang out with Dean, I'd got hang out with other girls that were my friends, I'd go flirt with other girls, whatever. Frankly, I spent a lot of time over at Holly's house making sure nobody came got any wild ideas of getting close to her. (Again...that's a story for another time....)
The point is, I wasn't good at being alone then. Holly and I will celebrate our 11 year anniversary in less than 30 days. Do think I'm any better at batching it now?
In some ways, I think I am better at it. Like this weekend, I was pretty busy, so I didn't have much time to think about it. (Although, I'm pretty used to having Holly singing with me, and it's always an adjustment when she's not.) I've got tons of those medical terms to work on and they could keep me plenty busy till she gets back. Of course, these medical terms, like homework, are easy to procrastinate. The motivating factor is that the deadline is coming, and I need the money...
Plus, I've got Petey to keep me company.
Even so, it's weird how much I can feel her not being here.
7.26.2004
7.20.2004
recipe for daydreams
I think I am somewhat prone to be overwhelmed. Whether I have work to do, or a big project or working on a new CD. Those are the personal things, but I also get overwhelmed by politics, the state of the world, the poor and homeless, Holly's step-grandad who is going to die of cancer soon.
Sometimes I think about these things and I just can't figure a way out. The problems and intricacies seem insurmountable.
So I retreat. I do this a number of ways. I read novels and watch movies. Sometimes I just flip through the 5 channels we have, but usually that overwhelms me again because I'm so disgusted with the inanity of 99% of TV. Sometimes I daydream about winning some sweepstakes and taking a week off every month and taking a cruise and wasting away on a beach somewhere.
Sometimes I get overwhelmed at the thought of blogging.
Sometimes I think about these things and I just can't figure a way out. The problems and intricacies seem insurmountable.
So I retreat. I do this a number of ways. I read novels and watch movies. Sometimes I just flip through the 5 channels we have, but usually that overwhelms me again because I'm so disgusted with the inanity of 99% of TV. Sometimes I daydream about winning some sweepstakes and taking a week off every month and taking a cruise and wasting away on a beach somewhere.
Sometimes I get overwhelmed at the thought of blogging.
7.15.2004
7.14.2004
for the love of Sam Phillips
I've said this before: There are not many things that I would say that I am an actual fan. By stating that I am a fan, I mean that even though I may recognize that an artist might put out something less than great, I don't really care. I love and support that artist anyway.
Sam Phillips is one such artist for me. She started her musical career within the Contemporary Christian Music industry of the '80s and was known as "Leslie" Phillips then. This was in the midst of Amy Grant's heyday, but Leslie was edgier. Many referred to her as "the Christian Cindi Lauper" because, compared to Amy Grant, she was a little unusual.
She put out 3 records for her label. (I didn't really like the first, but I kind of liked 2)Dancing with Danger and 3)Black and White in a Grey World) But, after those albums, she was frustrated. Her label kept trying to make her sing happy Christian songs where all the answers are given by the end of the 3.5 minutes of playing time. As I understand it, she was fighting for the position that life doesn't always make sense and the answers are not always easy and God is just plain hard to understand sometimes. Obviously, she wanted her art to reflect that tension honestly.
The story as I understand it, is that Leslie's label said they needed 2 more albums for her to fulfill her contract and then she could do whatever she wanted. Because of their frustration, they gave her a tiny budget for her next CD and introduced her to a relatively unknown producer by the name of T-Bone Burnett. The resulting album, one of my favorite all-time albums, was called The Turning.
T-Bone and Sam not only made a great album, but they got married, too. For the fifth CD, to fulfill her contract, they threw together a "Best Of" with some unreleased demos and a couple new songs, and Leslie walked away from the Christian music industry.
The Turning came out with little fan-fare because the suits didn't expect it to do well. It was kind of dark, nebulous, and was made on a shoe-string budget. It spoke of longing, loss, uncertainty and doubt. Why pump money into promoting it?
The thing is, 20+ years later, The Turning is regarded as (one of a very few) artistic masterpieces ever to come out of the Christian music industry. I've seen it listed on All-Time Top 20 lists by Critics numerous times, both in the Christian music realm and mainstream publications. It's artistic/poetic worth and integrity are virtually unquestionable by those who are knowledgeable of such things.
Just a couple of years after leaving the Christian industry, Leslie, now known as Sam Phillips, released her first of 5 Critically-Lauded releases on Virgin Records and has now released 2 CDs on Nonesuch Records. All of them produced by wonder-boy T-bone and all of which have made her the critics' darling.
So, what does it mean when the local Family Christian Bookstore, while highlighting and marketing WOW Worship 2004, Jump 5, The Purpose Driven Life, and the Left Behind Books to death has dumped a number of copies of Leslie Phillips', The Turning, into a bargain bin for $3 each?
Sam Phillips is one such artist for me. She started her musical career within the Contemporary Christian Music industry of the '80s and was known as "Leslie" Phillips then. This was in the midst of Amy Grant's heyday, but Leslie was edgier. Many referred to her as "the Christian Cindi Lauper" because, compared to Amy Grant, she was a little unusual.
She put out 3 records for her label. (I didn't really like the first, but I kind of liked 2)Dancing with Danger and 3)Black and White in a Grey World) But, after those albums, she was frustrated. Her label kept trying to make her sing happy Christian songs where all the answers are given by the end of the 3.5 minutes of playing time. As I understand it, she was fighting for the position that life doesn't always make sense and the answers are not always easy and God is just plain hard to understand sometimes. Obviously, she wanted her art to reflect that tension honestly.
The story as I understand it, is that Leslie's label said they needed 2 more albums for her to fulfill her contract and then she could do whatever she wanted. Because of their frustration, they gave her a tiny budget for her next CD and introduced her to a relatively unknown producer by the name of T-Bone Burnett. The resulting album, one of my favorite all-time albums, was called The Turning.
T-Bone and Sam not only made a great album, but they got married, too. For the fifth CD, to fulfill her contract, they threw together a "Best Of" with some unreleased demos and a couple new songs, and Leslie walked away from the Christian music industry.
The Turning came out with little fan-fare because the suits didn't expect it to do well. It was kind of dark, nebulous, and was made on a shoe-string budget. It spoke of longing, loss, uncertainty and doubt. Why pump money into promoting it?
The thing is, 20+ years later, The Turning is regarded as (one of a very few) artistic masterpieces ever to come out of the Christian music industry. I've seen it listed on All-Time Top 20 lists by Critics numerous times, both in the Christian music realm and mainstream publications. It's artistic/poetic worth and integrity are virtually unquestionable by those who are knowledgeable of such things.
Just a couple of years after leaving the Christian industry, Leslie, now known as Sam Phillips, released her first of 5 Critically-Lauded releases on Virgin Records and has now released 2 CDs on Nonesuch Records. All of them produced by wonder-boy T-bone and all of which have made her the critics' darling.
So, what does it mean when the local Family Christian Bookstore, while highlighting and marketing WOW Worship 2004, Jump 5, The Purpose Driven Life, and the Left Behind Books to death has dumped a number of copies of Leslie Phillips', The Turning, into a bargain bin for $3 each?
7.11.2004
bad bloggers and an election year
There are numerous reasons why I haven't blogged. Sometimes, it's because I don't really have anything to say. Sometimes, it's because I think, "If I start blogging about that, there's no way that I'm going to be able write a short, sweet blog about that topic..." To be honest, sometimes I don't really want just anybody to be able to get online and know what I think about this or that particular subject.
For instance: Politics. I can honestly say that I cannot remember a single time Republicans/Democrats were discussed in my family when I was growing up. I don't think either of my parents ever even made it known to me whether they considered themselves Republican or Democrat.
And really, what's the point? The fact of the matter is that there are a lot of times (like election years) that I'd rather not align myself with either party. I may agree with some things one party says, but really abhor other things they may be for or against.
For that matter, one of the only things that I'm really sure about
American politics is that both parties have very talented, dedicated publicists and spin doctors who are abundantly capable demonizing opposing candidates and sanctifying their own.
I think the last election that I was paying attention to; I kept seeing particularly mud-slinging ads from one candidate and not from another. This really appealed to me.
Take a common ad that would say something like this:
"Mr. Dude voted AGAINST a bill that would feed 60 bazillion homeless people without any bump in taxes..."
How could anybody vote against a bill like that?
It's been a long time since I've been in government class, but I always have this suspicion that although this may be technically true, the mentioned point was actually referring to something tacked onto a bill that was for something else that nobody in their right mind would vote for.
Like I said, I’m not a political guru. However, I just wish there was some way to know the truth. I don’t want to know all the bad stuff the other candidate has done. I want to know all the good stuff that you want to do and how in the world you think you can do it.
I’ve been thinking about this in my life a lot, too. So many times, it’s easy to think of myself as a good person because of all the bad stuff that I don’t do. What does that matter? I’m making the world a better place by not murdering the person that cut me off? If I did murder that person, that would definitely make the world a worse place, but does my NOT murdering that person necessarily make it better? I don’t think so.
The question, then, is what have I done good? What have I done that I know helps somebody else? And I’m not sure that taking care of your family or helping friend move really even counts for that much. I mean, aren’t we going to take care of the people we know and love? The question is, what have I done to help somebody else just because they need help and I can give it?
I don’t know how I’m going to figure out how to discern in the realm of politics. But, I can start thinking of ways that I can improve the world that I live in myself. Wouldn’t the world be much better if we all did just that?
Whew, this is a lengthy and not very well written blog. I just wanted you to know that I know.
For instance: Politics. I can honestly say that I cannot remember a single time Republicans/Democrats were discussed in my family when I was growing up. I don't think either of my parents ever even made it known to me whether they considered themselves Republican or Democrat.
And really, what's the point? The fact of the matter is that there are a lot of times (like election years) that I'd rather not align myself with either party. I may agree with some things one party says, but really abhor other things they may be for or against.
For that matter, one of the only things that I'm really sure about
American politics is that both parties have very talented, dedicated publicists and spin doctors who are abundantly capable demonizing opposing candidates and sanctifying their own.
I think the last election that I was paying attention to; I kept seeing particularly mud-slinging ads from one candidate and not from another. This really appealed to me.
Take a common ad that would say something like this:
"Mr. Dude voted AGAINST a bill that would feed 60 bazillion homeless people without any bump in taxes..."
How could anybody vote against a bill like that?
It's been a long time since I've been in government class, but I always have this suspicion that although this may be technically true, the mentioned point was actually referring to something tacked onto a bill that was for something else that nobody in their right mind would vote for.
Like I said, I’m not a political guru. However, I just wish there was some way to know the truth. I don’t want to know all the bad stuff the other candidate has done. I want to know all the good stuff that you want to do and how in the world you think you can do it.
I’ve been thinking about this in my life a lot, too. So many times, it’s easy to think of myself as a good person because of all the bad stuff that I don’t do. What does that matter? I’m making the world a better place by not murdering the person that cut me off? If I did murder that person, that would definitely make the world a worse place, but does my NOT murdering that person necessarily make it better? I don’t think so.
The question, then, is what have I done good? What have I done that I know helps somebody else? And I’m not sure that taking care of your family or helping friend move really even counts for that much. I mean, aren’t we going to take care of the people we know and love? The question is, what have I done to help somebody else just because they need help and I can give it?
I don’t know how I’m going to figure out how to discern in the realm of politics. But, I can start thinking of ways that I can improve the world that I live in myself. Wouldn’t the world be much better if we all did just that?
Whew, this is a lengthy and not very well written blog. I just wanted you to know that I know.
7.05.2004
spider man
Went to see Spiderman 2 up in Rogers on the 4th. It's the first time I've been to the theatre in Rogers for awhile. I thought the movie was pretty great. They really nailed the balance of drama/humor/action that is often the case in comic books. I liked Doc Oc as a villain better than Green Goblin.
It's interesting, because I'm really not an expert on Spiderman lore/history, so I don't really know the stories of Green Goblin or Doc Oc. Anyway, I think it's worth seeing in a big great theatre with great sound.
It's interesting, because I'm really not an expert on Spiderman lore/history, so I don't really know the stories of Green Goblin or Doc Oc. Anyway, I think it's worth seeing in a big great theatre with great sound.
7.02.2004
medical terms
Ok, so I've been slacking this week, too. I've actually been working in the studio this week on a new-to-me type of project.
I'm reading/recording medical terms. I don't know what they'll be used for, but I just have to read these terms, export them to their own individual file and then upload them to this medical company. I just finished the first 1,000 words that I was asked to do, and now they just asked me to do another 1,000. This is not quite as scary as the fact that apparently, there's a whole 'nother batch of 10,000 words that I'm supposed to be getting!
Now, my first hurdle was the fact that I've never been too fond of my speaking voice. I take that back, I never considered what my speaking voice sounded like until early on in 7th grade. That was the year that a girl in my class, DeeDee Reed decided that I sounded stupid and she told me so. A lot. All the way through high school. How sick and sad is it that my thought patterns are still being influenced by a mean (and I'm trying hard not to say anything else about her) girl that I barely knew 15 years ago? (DeeDee, if you're out there, it really sucks that you've lodged this particular insecurity in me all this time, but I'm sure that I couldn't care less what you think of me now.)
Now, reading the words is not so bad. In fact, I kind of like it. They give you the word and the pronunciation and for some reason, I like testing myself to see how long it takes me to say these weird, long medical terms. The editing, however, is pretty mind-numbing. I thought I was never going to finish editing/exporting this first 1,000. Only 11,000 more words to go...
I'm reading/recording medical terms. I don't know what they'll be used for, but I just have to read these terms, export them to their own individual file and then upload them to this medical company. I just finished the first 1,000 words that I was asked to do, and now they just asked me to do another 1,000. This is not quite as scary as the fact that apparently, there's a whole 'nother batch of 10,000 words that I'm supposed to be getting!
Now, my first hurdle was the fact that I've never been too fond of my speaking voice. I take that back, I never considered what my speaking voice sounded like until early on in 7th grade. That was the year that a girl in my class, DeeDee Reed decided that I sounded stupid and she told me so. A lot. All the way through high school. How sick and sad is it that my thought patterns are still being influenced by a mean (and I'm trying hard not to say anything else about her) girl that I barely knew 15 years ago? (DeeDee, if you're out there, it really sucks that you've lodged this particular insecurity in me all this time, but I'm sure that I couldn't care less what you think of me now.)
Now, reading the words is not so bad. In fact, I kind of like it. They give you the word and the pronunciation and for some reason, I like testing myself to see how long it takes me to say these weird, long medical terms. The editing, however, is pretty mind-numbing. I thought I was never going to finish editing/exporting this first 1,000. Only 11,000 more words to go...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)