bad feeling

Do you ever get your hopes up for something? And you make some choices based on those hopes? And then when the time comes that your hopes either come through or not, and then you start having that bad feeling like maybe you're really and idiot...

I've got that bad feeling. Maybe I'm an idiot.

Saved!

Saved!

This movie looks and sounds really interesting to me. I wonder why the producers of this movie didn't try to get it pre-screened by preachers and bible colleges before its release...hmmm...

The other issue is that I'm always annoyed when movies open in "select" theatres in NY and LA before anywhere else.

pukey petey

Holly and I have had petey the weiner dog for nearly 10 years now. About 4-5 years ago, he started vomiting all the time. We took him to the vet and kept taking him. After about 4 months, and petey almost dieing, we finally determined that he has a very bad case of Irritable Bowel Syndrome in his small intestines. Add to that, that it's triggered by his allergies to just about anything and everything he might eat. We have to buy this super-special food where the molecules are of food are broken down so much that his body can't tell that it's something that he should be allergic to. Add to that the fact that petey is pretty much obsessive-compulsive about licking; the carpet, the floor, the couch, it doesn't matter. Most of the time he's licking, which means ingesting who knows what, which means his insides get messed up, which means he pukes. With great regularity. I hate it.

Our carpet is ruined and I feel like I smell puke all the time. Just when I think, "He can't be having a happy life. He pukes all the time. Should we think about putting him to sleep?" He has a good day, with no puke. And even on the days when he does puke, he's really happy and friendly and likable dog. He definately doesn't seemed bother by the puking as much as I am.

So, it's a constant state of frustration. Then, today, he got out of the back yard. I was gone for like an hour and a half when I left him in the backyard. I had no idea where to find him. I was stressed. Holly was stressed. As much as part of me was thinking, "Hey, I might not have to worry about any more puke!" The other part of me was so worried and so scared that something might happen to him. What if he got hit by a car? What if somebody thought he was cute and picked him up and took him home? What happens when he pukes all over their stuff? What are they going to do to/with him? If they took him in the first place, do you think they'd bring him back?

I girl from down the street brought him home. He was sitting on their porch whining. I guess I'll clean up puke tonight.

mandolin vs. bass

A friend of mine just bought an electric guitar from me that I didn't need. I've been trying to decide whether I'm going to use that money to buy a bass or a mandolin.

I'd rather buy a mandolin, but I'm finding that there have been a number of occasions where a decent bass would be useful to me. I think I've also decided on a mandolin because I've found one in the price range that I need it to be, and it's pretty good.

I've been working on my harmonica playing lately. I don't know why, but my lips/face get tired from trying to hold my lips right to play specific notes. I'm getting better at picking out melodies, but when I try to play while playing guitar, it's still a whole new ball-game.

At the Patty Griffin concert, her keyboard player played accordian a lot throughout the concert. And he never touched the Left-hand buttons ONCE! So, now all I think is that I need to just get myself a little bit better accordian and work on my "squeeze technique".

Then, someday, I might try actually excelling at one of these instruments...

church

I haven't gone to bed yet, so it's still Sunday. It feels like it's been a long day for me at church. I'll also be honest in that I get really sick of church; even when there are people honestly trying to make it something significant. I just have the hardest time shaking the feeling that it doesn't seem to do much. Is that just me?

I went to see Patty Griffin saturday night. It was moving and inspiring. It was a large group of people that knew nothing about each other and may not have had anything in common other than the fact that Patty spoke us and moved us and she really didn't talk very much at all.

I was at Christian Concert a few weeks ago that was a much bigger production. Way More sound, more lights, bigger/crazier crowd. The band was made up of very accomplished musicians that played very well. They played lots of songs that everybody knew the words for, and if you didn't know the words, they even had them shining up on a screen so you could sing along. It really made me sick to my stomach.

I'm a big fan of Patty, but I don't tend to learn lyrics like I used to, so I didn't sing along very much. It was like most concerts in that it was kind of difficult to even understand all the words, but it moved me. I had tears in my eyes a couple of times and I know that holly was moved to tears at least once.

I do believe in the things that would be considered required belief in order to call oneself a question. At leat, I believe in the things that I think are required. How can I be so far removed from the people at that concert? How could they not be in love with Patty Griffin like I am?

How come I see more of God in a Patty Griffin concert than in a specifically Christian concert? And why is it so disheartening to me that I see so little of God in the concert that everybody else sees God so easily?

Chipotle: Gourmet Burritos and Tacos

Chipotle: Gourmet Burritos and Tacos

I like this place a lot. The first time I ate at one was in Manhattan, KS where ther hardee's used to be at the edge of Aggieville. I've now eaten at locations in Phoenix and Wichita. I'm just mad that there aren't any in the whole state of Arkansas or Oklahoma. I wrote them an email to tell them how disappointed I am.

Anyway, the web-site is pretty enteretaining.

shackblog

Not much to say today.

Played a house concert last night with the trio for an end-of-school party for teachers from a couple of schools. We had lots of fun and the food was awesome. Not a bad way to spend an evening.

Starting a new recording project for singer/songwriter. I think I may be working on songs a lot today. Good for me, but I don't know yet how much "help" this guy will want or accept.

He's here. gotta go.

Paste Magazine :: Feature :: The Sublime Comedy of Patty Griffin

I'm excited! Last night, as I was getting ready to leave my friend, Amber, she tells me that she's going to be gone saturday night to go see Patty Griffin who is playing in Tulsa. I LOVE PATTY GRIFFIN!

So, needless to say, I ran home and got online and now Holly and I are going too.

I've bought two CDs in the last couple of weeks which is not really normal. I don't really buy that many CDs, especially compared to what I used to. But I just bought Patty's new CD, impossible dream, and I also bought Sam Phillip's new CD, a boot and a shoe.

I found out that Sam was touring this summer and was disappointed to find out that the closest she was going to get to me would be Chicago. Give me a break. H and I were talking about trying to go, but I think I'm just too much of a cheap-skate to put the time and money into making that happen.

Tulsa is only an hour and a half away, though. Yay!!!!

I'm meeting a friend for lunch and then we're supposed to come back here to hang out and do some stuff in the studio.

This friendship is pretty new and the only words I can find to describe it would be that it has been a great blessing to me. I'm writing this with a lot of self-conciousness because of the idea that he might end up reading this at some point. But, that's the truth.

If you think about it, most of the friendships we have come about by the happenstance of proximity. Most of the people that are your friends at least started out because you found yourself in a situation where you were in the presence of the other person with some regularity. Maybe you had a class together or worked together or happened to hang out at the same place with the same people. This may change, and you find yourselves not crossing paths as much and you have to make an effort to spend time together, but by that time, you already have a relationship and there's impetus to appoint time to be together.

This is not the case with my friend, E. Not only did we not frequent any of the same places, we'd never even met. We knew some of the same people, but he lives like 40 minutes away from me and not at all in a direction that I go with any regularity. He's also 20 some years older than me and has kids in high school, so he's got lots of responsibilities and time commitments that I know nothing about. So it's far from a given that our paths would have even eventually crossed.

I made the initial contact because he's an accomplished, respected musician/songwriter and I was hoping to get some juicy quotes to add to my promotional materials. (We nobodies have to work every angle we can in attempt to gain some credibility.)

Anyway, after I got him a copy of gypsy heart, eventually he called me back and I had the best time talking to him on the phone about music, songwriting, and all kinds of things. Then we planned a time to just get together and hang. Then he'd call me again and we hung out again, then he'd call me again and we'd get together again.

The coolest part of all of this, is that he knew that I wouldn't have pursued this relationship for fear of being a bother to him. 1) I'm kind of that way with guys and I always have been. 2)He's older than me, in a much different place in life, why would he want to hang out with a stupid kid? 3) He's a successful, respected, (famous?) songwriter/musician and I'm still just trying to keep my head above water. What could I possibly have or know that might be of any interest to him?

The thing is: he reached out to me and made it very clear that he was enjoying our time visiting as much as I was. He's been very intentional in telling me how much he's enjoyed our time together. And when we get together, we don't even really do anything except just hang out.

He's taken interest in me and even bigger, in my music. As an independent artist, I've gotten used to surviving on very little outside support and encouragement. (Let me backup and say that I am way more fortunate than some. I have a wife and family that have always supported me and a handful of "true believers" who help keep our heads above water with their financial support. I've always said that their belief in me to make said contributions keeps me going way more than the $. However, when it comes to day-to-day interactions with everyday people, not many get what my life is about and the truth is that very few even try.)

But, here is a guy that has been there that I respect and admire who is asking me what's up with my music? What's my plan? What's my focus? And he's been there to be able to understand my feeble answers. It's humbling to recognize how much I've thrived on his interest.

Anyway, like I said: The only word I can use that seems to fit, is that E has blessed me with his interest and his friendship and I'm grateful to him.

He still hasn't given me a quote, though. Maybe tomorrow. :)

First follow the link:
Woody Guthrie Folk Festival ~ July 14-18, 2004

That guy listed twice in that list of honorable mentions would be me. Nice to hear they liked it. It'd be more nice to win something...

Always the honorable mentioned songwriter, never the winning songwriter...

Jake's Blog

Jake beat me to the punch again. Not only is he being much more productive with his blog, but he's now writing interesting things that I'm thinking before I even realized I was thinking them.

I know that sounds convenient (him saying something interesting...oh yea, that's what I was thinking!) but it's true.

I wrote about a paragraph of a blog a little bit ago and then scrapped it because I was afraid of who might read it and what they might think. I decided to check out jake's blog, and he was basically talking about his own self-editing. See, he wrote it before I knew I was thinking it.

So, what is this blogging supposed to be? This blog that you're reading is hooked to my web-site that's purpose is to promote myself as a singer/songwriter. That means that I'm hoping to have people be curious enough about me and my music to want to read these random/ridiculous thoughts that I'm typing at my computer. The idea is that you, dear reader, will get to know and (more importantly) like me enough that you'll be a fan of me and my musical career.

Of course, now the question is what if you don't like me? what if you don't like something I say? What if you simply don't like my sentence structure? What if you thought that you knew and liked me and you started reading this blog and realized that I'm not the person that you thought I am. Or I don't believe what you thought I'd believe. And now, where once was a fan, now there is none.

I don't know if I can or even should try to accomodate. I can only be who I am. And if I'm trying to edit myself for the sake of not offending anyone, than am I being myself or a lame representation of who I think you want me to be? Not to mention the fact that not only can I not be what everybody wants me to be, I definately can't pretend to be everything everybody wants me to be. (I was just typing this and it popped into my head that it would be incredibly difficult to be a politician.)

For some people that may read this, I worry to let on that I am a Christian. To know this fact, carries a lot of baggage for a lot of people. To know that, many people assume they already know what I think and feel about many different issues. I don't think that's the case. In fact...

Some people may read this that know me as a Christian and may even know me as a christian singer/songwriter. And for those people, I'm afraid to let them know that I am trying as hard as I can to lose that classification. I just want to be a singer/songwriter who happens to believe in Jesus. For that matter, I fear to let on about many of the things that I do believe and don't believe that would cause many in the Christian camp to assume that I must be "backsliding".

(sigh) I want this blog to be honest. Don't assume you know what I think about a given issue. Give me a chance to let it out of the can on my own. We might not agree. I'm cool with that. That doesn't mean we can't be friends.

Of course, my mom might be the only person out in cyber-space reading this and she has to like me no matter what.

Smartmoney.com: Consumer Action: Are Hybrid Cars Worth It?

There are a couple of things that are just assumed about males that don't seem to be true for me. I've known about them since I was very young.

First of all, I've never had any interest in sports. As I've gotten older, I've realized that it's not just that I'm not good at sports; the fact is that I am pretty good at some physical things. The problem is that the physical things that I am good at like juggling, hackysack, jumping on a trampoline, throwing knives and tomahawks are rarely featured on TV and definately don't have their own channel. So, the ESPN type sport, whether football, baseball, nascar, or whatever has never held any interest for me. I can honestly say that I've never watched any game of any kind all the way through on TV in my life. More on that subject some other time.

The other thing is that I've never had any interest in cars. I never collected matchbox cars when I was a kid, and I didn't really ever play with cars or trucks. To this day, my knowledge or even awareness of the vehicles surrounding me on the road is VERY limited. Holly can tell you that if I have to describe somebody's car, usually the best I can hope to remember would be the color. In fact, i think it's only since I've been out of college that I've started to understand that vehicles like Ford and Chevy are American made and things like Toyota and Honda are foreign. I'm telling you, cars have just never interested me. They're a way to get me and my stuff where I want to go. I don't want to find my identity in my car. It's fun to drive fast, but you can't do that much without getting slammed with a ticket. I've just never really had a desire to own a new vehicle.

Until now.

The one thing I've come to understand to be true about myself is that I am a gadget guy. I think that really became clear to me one christmas when Holly's mom got me a little 64KB Electronic Organizer. I'd never thought about getting one and she got it for me all on her own. However, I played with it all day long. It led to Palm Pilots and my Clie that I use now.

And now there is a car that is distinctly "gadgety" the hybrid vehicle. Notice, that I didn't say which one. I've owned both a honda before and a toyota before and I liked them both. I don't care at this point, I just want a hybrid car.

Jake's Blog

So, I was feeling pretty good about this blogging thing and told my friend, Jake about it. We'd talked about blogging and that we didn't really get what the big deal was about it, but I told him I was trying it, and so he said he'd try it.

Now, let me just say that I knew that my struggle with blogging was going to be contributing to my blog enough for there even to be a point. More likely, I'd blog...and 6 months later maybe blog something else. But, I blogged 2-3 times the first couple weeks of trying this and thought I'd do ok.

I just checked in on Jake's blog. I'm an idiot. Not only did he make his blog look really cool, but he's got TONS of blogs and thoughts already posted. And not only that, but it seemed like it was pretty thoughtful and and interesting. Hmmm...I'm blogging all of this 1) so that I will have blogged something else 2) If I tell the 2 or 3 people that actually read my blog, it might hold me accountable to contribute more often.

Anyway, way to go Jake...you jerk. love ya, man.

Americana UK Reviews

HOORAY!! I just got a GREAT (almost AWESOME) review of the new CD from the web-site link listed above. I'd just about given up hope on getting a review because it's been awhile since I sent them the CD. Unfortunatly, I guess they hated the hidden track. They're not the first to say they hate the goofiness at the end, but I hear a lot more from people saying it's their favorite song. Maybe people I talk to are just nice. I still think Jeff Miller is hilarious!

For as long as I can remember, I've always been fascinated with sibling relationships. I don't know what it's like to have a brother or an older sister or a twin. I don't know what it's like to have a sibling who is closer in age to me than 4 years younger or more than 4 years younger. I don't know what it's like to have an older sibling at all. Why do some siblings love each other with others can't stand each other? Why do some siblings tolerate each other but harbor resentment and play mind games for years and years?

Whenever I meet somebody for the first time, if I visit with them very long at all, I usually get to questions of siblings. I'm not sure why.

I have a sister that is 4 years younger than me and I love her. I remember the day that mom and my new baby sister were coming home from the hospital. I remember getting picked up from the baby-sitter's and noticing what a bright, sunny day it was with a big blue sky filled with billowy, humongous white clouds. I had been 4 for less than a month.

I remember growing up and people giving my parents a hard time because C and I didn't really fight with each other that much. I think we actually kind of liked each other for the most part. I'm sure we didn't love each other all the time, but I think we got along pretty well.

Everything changed when I hit Jr. High. Apparently, I became a devout victim of the egocentricity that affects many adolescents. For the life me, I can hardly remember anything about my little sister from the time I hit 7th grade until I was at least a freshman in college. It makes me sad, because I think she's such a cool person now, I think it would have been good to know her then.

As we've gotten older, I like her more and more. We don't agree on everything and we disagree on some things very passionately. But, I like spending time with her so much. She makes me laugh a lot and she challenges me like few other people do. And the coolest thing is that when we don't agree, we usually argue for awhile, but eventually just shrug it off and go find something fun to do.

Any day now, I'm going to be getting the word from her that I'm to drop the master copy of her new CD in the mail to the duplication company. I'm so excited about it because 1) I think it's really good 2) I got to be a part of making this project with her. Not only did I record and mix the CD, but I've even got co-writing credit on a couple of the songs.

Be on the lookout for it. It rocks.

www.celiaisrock.com

I think I first started playing Dungeons and Dragons when I was in about 4th grade. I and the guys played D&D off and on through the time I was in Jr. High (all the other guys were at least a year older than me) and we played Advanced D&D through high school. (Advanced means that you get to start sacrificing live gerbils and sparrows and reciting true-life incantations for your spells... I am being SO SARCASTIC! ...just in case you didn't catch that....)

My mom never really liked the fact that we played D&D, because of all the stuff she'd heard about it. However, she has always been good at trusting that I knew my own limits. That's not to say that I never made mistakes growing up, the point is that I was able to make my own mistakes which probably made me learn from them better than if she had just tried to keep me away from things. But, this blog is about D&D and not my mom or her parenting philosophy.

After high school, I didn't play for another 10 years and that's sad to me. I hear of college students playing it now, and I think that it would have been a fun way to interact with people.
But now, I've just started playing version 3.5 with some friends. It's odd because, not only am i the oldest, but I've never played D&D with girls before. Not only am I playing with girls, but I'm am the only guy other than the DM. (Dungeon Master: Guy who plans and runs the game.) This isn't a bad thing, it's just a new experience for me.

So, tonight was another first: In all my years playing D&D, I've never encountered an actual Dragon. There are plenty of nasty beasties in the game that I've encountered, but the truth of the matter is that in D&D, dragons are just about the baddest of them all. Truthfully, most players never play enough to build their character enough for a DM to have a party face a dragon because they usually just fry everybody. Apparantly, my current character was not strong enough and he's pretty crispy. He didn't die, in fact, we all survived and escaped, but just barely.

I'm not sure this blog (or any of them) have much of a point. I'm just saying; before you face a dragon, just make sure that you're ready.

CELIA IS ROCK

I've been thinking a lot about how there are so few things that I truly love. I'm such a critic and such a cynic that even things that I find mildly appealing, I'm usually reluctant to truly embrace them and to be a true fan. Here is a short list of things that I would say that I am a fan. They are in no particular order other than that they are in the order that I think of them.

-The Lord of the Rings (movies and books)
-Star Wars (see explanation below)
-Bill Malonee
-Seinfeld (the TV show)
-John Irving Novels
-Freaks & Geeks (short-lived TV show)
-Aimee Mann
-Sam Phillips (formerly "Leslie", not the producer)
-U2

When I say that I am a "fan" of these things, it doesn't mean that i can't recognize when something is produced that is not the greatest. (Like Jar Jar Binks) But, it means that I love it in spite of its lack. It means that I will go out to Hastings at midnight just to say that I bought the new U2 CD as soon as I possibly could.

Being the critic that I am, and so easily finding fault in all the crap that is on TV and put out in movies and music today, it is somehow joyful to me when I find something that I can truly love. I cried through most of Return of the King the first time I saw it and numerous times in the following viewings. I don't know why other than that I just loved it. When Holly and I went to the midnight showing of Star Wars the Phantom Menace in the crappy theatre in Fayetteville, I cried when the music started. (That may have had more to do with the fact that I'd been waiting for that moment for 15 years...) In watching the DVDs of Freaks & Geeks, I've cried a lot and I'm glad Holly hasn't been around. I love the characters and I love the writing and I love the show.

I just bought the new Sam Phillips CD and I love her. I'm not sure that I always get her and I'm not sure that I always LOVE hearing her songs, but I love her and this CD is getting to me. I'll be in line for the next one, too.

Today, for about a minute, I thought that in trying to restore my computer to its original setup, I had erased (lost) everything. By everything I mean my sister's new CD and about 4 other full-length projects that I needed. Seriously, I was on the phone with my sister at the time, and I almost lost it.

I don't know what would have happened, but I'm sure that crying and cussing would have been included.

Anyway: bullet dodged.

Welcome to the new site! Big thanks to Kenny Tomlin for making my site look cool. Hopefully real soon, we'll figure out how to make the blog look cool in the window on my site. Stay tuned...