Nightflying Birthday Bash- report

Last night I was invited to play for Nightflying's 24th Anniversary Bash at George's Majestic Lounge. The details were pretty vague and when we got there, we found out that we were supposed to play 3rd on the stage that was out back. There were 5 bands playing on 2 different stages.

Well, we were waiting around to play and then got bumped to 4th in the lineup. I wasn't really excited about waiting around all night to play, but that didn't bother me as much as with every band I realized that we did not fit in with that crowd.

Realize that I've never been really comfortable in a bar setting. I've played in some clubs and bars off and on, but I've never really hung out in bars or been very comfortable in them, so I wasn't sure how I was going to go over in this situation anyway. Then, I'm realizing that every one of the bands playing out on the patio stage are total blues bands rocking out for all they're worth. I have nothing wrong with that, but for anybody who's ever heard me play, you know that I am totally not blues/rock out kind of musician.

Not only am I realizing how much I will not fit in with the flow of the evening out back, I'm also realizing that I would fit in so much better with the acts performing up front. By the 4th act up front, 3 had been acoustic/solo performers and one non-blues band. So, by that time I talked to Joe Giles, who was supposed to be up next. I'd never met Joe, but I knew he had a rockin' band and that they did rock and blues type set. I simply asked if he cared about playing up front or out back and he said it didn't matter. Hallelujah! So, about two songs before we were supposed to get up to play, we were swapped. Unfortunately, the band out back was still playing and all of our instruments were stuck behind that band.

Anyway, this is weird to explain how it happened. The thing is, I just figured I'd play the gig because I was asked to, but I didn't really expect anybody to give a rip or even listen, no matter whether we played the front or the back. Much to my amazement, I was completely wrong! Granted, there were a ton of people (both members and fans of the female band that had played earlier) that were there when we started the set, and not by the time we ended. But, the people that were around really seemed to listen and really seemed to dig it! And not only that, but we had a great time.

And then, as we were tearing down, this guy comes up to me and introduces himself as a manager of George's and starts talking about how they have all kinds of people playing in there and that he really enjoyed what we did. So, apparently he might be coming to my Arsaga's gig tonight, and seemed really interested in trying to get me on some opening slots of some of the bigger bands that they get playing in there! Crazy!

So, all that to say: we ended up having a great night and it may end up being way more beneficial than I ever thought it was going to be. Thank you so much to Nightflying for inviting me to play.

Producer Perils

I'm in the middle of producing a young singer/songwriter's first record.

I don't claim to know everything, and honestly I'm making it up as I go a lot of the time, however, I have done this a couple of times. And before I started producing for other people, I spent about 7 years living off my music, making my own records, and getting them out there and selling them to people. I don't know everything, but I am way farther down the road than a lot of people.

The other thing is that I am a good guy. I'm not trying to screw anybody. I'm a singer/songwriter first and a producer 2nd and I'm THE LAST person that is going to try to screw another artist. I know! I've been there. I had to figure it all out on my own! And the other thing, is that I LIKE to help other, younger artists figure out some of the stuff that I had to figure out on my own. I've done just that everytime I've produced for somebody else.

This artist is pretty talented and we've done a lot of pre-production; more than I've ever had the opportunity to do on any other record. We went through almost 40 songs and re-wrote and wrote additional verses and ended up with a pretty good batch of songs for this first project.

The thing is, every time I turn around, artist treats me like I'm trying to screw (him/her) over.

For Instance:

The artist wanted us to draw up a contract. This was a great idea, and one that I usually neglect. So, I scouted around, talked to a number of friends who are producers, got ideas, talked to my lawyer, found out what the artist wanted and drew up what I thought was an incredibly soft, simple, lenient contract. I wasn't trying to bind the artist to anything unreasonable. I wasn't making promises that I don't know if I can keep. I simply drew up a contract that put my needs and protection and the artist's needs and protection in black and white, so that hopefully we could both be on the same page. No good. I'm the only person the artist knows to get this kind of information, so anything the I put in the contract, no matter how soft, reasonable or lenient, that protects my interests, then it pretty much had to go. And yet, I had to add in all kinds of things for the artist, no matter how much I tried to explain that they were beyond the scope of this kind of contract. What we finally ended up with is not completely without its use to me. It's very balanced in the artist's favor, and I'm pretty ok with that, it's just that the few things that were left in my favor are really important to me.

What this artist doesn't realize is that this whole deal is overwhelmingly lopsided in his/her favor and yet I am still scrutinized as if I'm trying to stick to him/her. What this artist doesn't realize, is that all of the time we put in for pre-production and re-writing will end up being donated by me. What this artist doesn't realize is that I should be getting co-writing credit on a number of those songs that are ending up on the CD. There's no way I'm going to ask for it or even mention it because the artist would FREAK OUT! And yet, I'm not so concerned with any of that stuff if the artist would simply believe me and trust that I have his/her best interests as my primary goal. I only bring up all of these things that I've just let go trying to make that fact clear.

Obviously, I've gone to great pains to be discrete about the artist's identity. I don't know if the artist would ever happen to visit this blog.

If so, my only hope is that you'd begin to understand how much I've given to this project without any promise or hope of return. My compensation for what I have and will put into this is so negligible, it's almost funny. There are studios right in this area that my compensation wouldn't pay for 5 days of recording time, and that doesn't even include the musicians, songwriting help, arranging or production.

I know. Everybody else is thinking I'm being pretty self-righteous and whiny baby. If the deal was/is so bad, why'd I agree to it? Honestly, I like the artist and I like the music and I never thought that this far into it, I'd still be fighting for the artist's trust.

And if I am being too self-righteous and whiny baby about all this, it's my bloggy and I'll write what I want to.

Welcome to East Hall Recording

Well, it's about as official as it's going to get. Follow the link and check out the new home of the Recording Shack.

The story so far:

A couple of years ago, I started getting to know this guy, Chris. We realized quickly that along with being musicians, we share many of the same interests. (star wars, comic books, movies, X-men, music/recording gear...) I knew that he had a lot of equipment and it got to where he'd loan me gear if I needed something and we'd listen to each other's mixes of projects we were working on, etc.

About a year ago, he started working on his dream of building and running commercial recording studio on his property. As construction progressed I got more and more excited (and a little jealous) for him about how great a facility it looked like it would be. He already had tons of gear, but now he was going to actually have a studio that would easily rival most of the studios in our area.

I am still not sure why, but one day we were talking about how cool the studio was going to be and Chris just said, "You know, you should be my partner." Let me think...Ok.

And now, the studio is finally ready. We've (mostly Chris) has been working on the web-site and flyers and getting ready to let everybody know that we're here and ready for business. If you know anybody needing any recording of any kind, send them my way. We need some clients.

Check out the web-site. Let me know what you think.

TX postponed & Freaks and Geeks again

So, I had it all worked out for a sub to go to TX for me that would have done a bang up job and who owed me a lot of money, so it was all going to work out. However, when I called the peeps to see if that would be cool with them, it sounded like they were a little relieved. I'd forgotten that this was the first year they were attempting to do this, and apparently, they'd not publicized it as well as they'd hoped and there weren't going to be a whole ton of people and definately not as many as they hoped.

So, they offered to have us come for a retreat scheduled for April instead and their staff could handle the responsibilities for this weekend. So, now I just need to figure out how to pay for the transmission.

in other news...

Last night some friends came over for chili that we haven't hung out with for a long time. We were all trying to figure out whether to watch a movie or what. Well, I'd been telling them about Freaks and Geeks for some time and we'd just never gotten together for them to see F&G. Of course, it's been a couple of months since I've watched an episode (since my six feet under fascination). Long story, shot version: We all fell in love with F&G again! They ended up staying over here till nearly 2am and I think we watched about 5-6 episodes all together.

Why must TV suck so bad? And why must any show with any goodness in it be cancelled after one glorious season?

ARRRGGGHHH!

Tomorrow, Holly and I are supposed to leave for La Grange, TX where we're supposed to lead worship for a Jr. High retreat. I wasn't really excited about this, because it's a long trip. We're to be paid pretty well for what we'll actually be doing, but when you factor in the travel, it just means we'll have a little bit of money that we didn't have. Not to mention the fact that we need some money.

So, this was all well and good and then I was just driving the car we were going to take, and the transmission went out! (I'm trying to keep my mind on the good fortune that it went out today and not tomorrow on on our way to TX.) But, not only will it take at least $1000 to put in a new transmission, we'll have to take the van to La Grange which is going to increase the cost of us simply getting there and back!

I am considering attempting to hand the whole gig off to a guy that I just finished his first CD. He owes me all that he would make on the trip anyway, so I could probably come out about the same and I wouldn't have to drive there! He's already said that he'd be interested in doing this, but I can't get in touch with anybody at the camp to see if they'd go for it, plus I've having reservations about giving up the gig just because, you know, it'd be giving up a gig.

argh. I hate cars and I hate needing money.

currently reading

I finally finished Wizard & Glass which is the 4th book in Stephen King's Dark Tower series. I liked it and I'm really into this cycle of books, but I thought I was NEVER going to finish that one! And I've got 3 more to go!

I have at least 3 friends that have just recently finished the series and keep saying they want to talk about it, but I don't them to give anything away to me. So, I hope they still want to talk about it when I finally finish.

I already have the 5th book, Wolves of the Calla. But I've decided that before I jump into it, I'm going to take a break and read something else.

A friend told me about the book, Lamb, The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal. So, I went ahead and checked it out from the library, even though I was in the middle of W&G. Well, my check out time had run out, and I still hadn't finished W&G and I couldn't re-check the book because it's somebody else has put it on hold. Argh! So, I've just not taken it back to the library and I'm racking up over-due charges and fellow library patron is hating my guts.

Obviously, the book is a work of fiction. Can you imagine if the New Testament started with Matthew, Mark, Luke, John and Biff?

So far, I'm really liking it. It's funny and silly, and not meant to be devotional fiction for the faithful by any means, but so far, it seems very respectful of Jesus and who he may have been as he was growing up.

I'll keep you posted.

Have I mentioned Six Feet Under?

I know I’ve mentioned Six Feet Under more than a couple of times lately, but this is kind of a new thought.

Many of the people that I know and consider my friends would easily fit into the description of white, middle class, conservative, Christian families. I have a tremendous amount of love and respect for so many parents of these households. They have clear ideas of what they believe and what kind of life they are hoping to establish for themselves and their kids. Particularly and appropriately, they are concerned with the movies/tv shows/video games/books their kids take in, and are even very careful about the media they take in themselves.

This, in itself, seems very positive to me. I think it’s very important for parents protect the innocence of their children’s hearts and minds as long as possible. There are plenty of scary things in this world, there’s no reason for children to face them any sooner than necessary. I sometimes find myself questioning the stringency of the filter enforced by some of these parents, but that’s really not any of my business or at least a topic better suited to its own blog.

What has struck me lately is how skewed the individuals’ filter can be. TV & Movies containing themes and shots of nudity, overt sexuality, homosexuality, cursing and foul language, and sometimes even hints of fantasy like Harry Potter or anything related to Dungeons & Dragons are categorically dismissed and/or berated and condemned. At least they’re abstained from. However, near-nudity (like in fear factor), greed, self-centeredness, deception, backstabbing, scheming (like in the Apprentice and just about every other reality show), self-loathing and pre-occupation with outward beauty (as in extreme makeover or the Swan) literal violence (like in Jackass or viva la bamm) are rarely, if ever questioned.

I am very perplexed. I don’t want anybody who may read this to feel like I’m attacking their behavior. It is just so odd to me to know that a number of people I know couldn’t even get through a single episode of six feet under for moral reasons. These same individuals would probably feel that I was, at best, walking a thin-line on the edge of slippery slope for embracing a show like Six Feet Under or a movie like Magnolia or American Beauty. But, how do I deal with the fact I have a hard time dealing with shows like Fear Factor, The Apprentice, or Jackass for moral but different reasons?

shack in la la land

So, as I mentioned in a previous post, I was a little freaked out about going to this conference by myself. The main thing was that I was trying to bolster myself so as not to be afraid of life.

I now realize that I was worried about being afraid of life because I thought this particular conference was small. For some reason, I had in my mind that there would only be 500 people there tops. It turns out there were more like 3,000. In which case, nobody particularly stood out and I didn't feel the pressure to be any more outgoing or personable or impressive than I normally am anyway.

As far as my trip went: I'm really glad that I did it, and I hope to scrape together the money to pay for the plane ticket and hotel room again next year. It did what I had hoped in motivating me to get my act together and get busy writing and being the artist that I think I'm supposed to be. It also sparked some new ideas of how I should tackle the whole marketing aspect of being a performing songwriter that I hope to implement. More than anything, I'm just hoping to do all the things I'm doing, but do them much better. A few potentially key contacts were made and as to whether those contacts actually help me remains to be seen. For now, I think I just need to do whatever I have to do to make myself be more productive. ( i.e. write more....)

The only thing that I feel kind of weird about is that I didn't really do anything outside of the hotel. I know there was at least one show that I would have liked to see while I was out there, and the fact that i was so close to the beach and didn't make it makes me sad. However, I didn't transportation or extra money to provide transportation and honestly the conference had plenty going on to keep my schedule filled. Maybe next time.

Since getting home I've been enjoying:

-Watching the 3rd Season of Six Feet Under
-Trying to finish Book 4 of the Dark Tower Series
-Anticipating and buying U2's new CD last night at midnight at Hastings. They had free pizza!

In case I don't blog again for awhile, I hope that you all have a Happy and safe Thanksgiving. I pray that we would all learn to be more thankful for what we have.

U2 - and my partisanship

It may or may not be surprising to any reader that I've been very quiet on my blog about the recent election. I did vote, but the truth of the matter is that I didn't have any particularly strong feelings about who won. Honestly, I think that both candidates were basically good people who wanted the opportunity to lead the country using the best ideas they could. Obviously, not all of those ideas would be good or right, but the reality is that nobody is going to have all of the right ideas/plans all of the time. And frankly, I'm glad that I don't have to carry that kind of responsibility on my shoulders and I'm very appreciative of individuals like Bush or Kerry who were willing to do so in my place.

Some would call me stupid and/or naive to think that both candidates had (have) the desire to do the best they can for our country. That's my biggest problem. My biggest irritation of the whole ordeal was the constant demonization of the opponent. Give me a break. If one side is a bunch of pure evil/stupid/horrible abominations then it stands to reason that the opposing side is as well. In which case, we’re all screwed no matter who gets elected to what office. It’s strange to me that I feel like a flicker of optimism emanating from me seems like the smarter course of action then rampant pessimism. I think that’s about all I have to say about that.

All that said:

I just watched last Saturday’s Saturday Night Live to see U2 perform. I’m being completely honest: I cried.

I’ve been a fan of U2 since Unforgettable Fire which was BEFORE Joshua Tree and the rest of the world discovered them. There was a short time that I couldn’t get over Joshua Tree and didn’t appreciate Rattle & Hum or their first steps into re-invention/experimentation and I didn’t get into Achtung Baby! But now, I’m a complete fan of their entire catalogue. (I don’t love Boy or October as much and I still don’t love Rattle & Hum, but for the most part I love everything from War on. Achtung Baby is now one of my favorites.)

In just a couple of minutes, I’m going to Hastings to pickup my copy of their new CD at midnight. So, here’s my big political statement:

Anybody who doesn’t think U2 is the greatest rock band alive is a complete idiot!

But you can have your own opinion if you want to.

la la land

In just a couple of days, I'm going to be flying out to LA for a music/networking convention. I was planning to go with a friend who is also a musician/songwriter, but now it's looking like he can't go because of family issues.

As much as I was looking forward to experiencing this with my friend, I recognize the fact that I'll be traveling and attending by myself could mean additional opportunity for personal growth and networking.

So much of the music industry in general, and this convention specifically, focuses on networking. Who you know and can interest in whatever it is you're doing has so much to do with getting help in getting your stuff out there. If my friend went with me (and I still hope that he might get to) it would be very easy for us to interact with each other. Like anybody else, this is would be the natural, easier, mode of behavior.

If he can't go, I'll be on my own. I don't know anybody that will be there. The thing that I need to keep in mind is that I will probably not have any contact with anybody out there ever again unless I make those connections. What's there to be afraid of? I don't know them. They don't know me. Who cares what they might think? And wouldn't making some kind of impression be better than making no impression at all?

I know a couple of people in my life, who just naturally charm anybody and everybody they come in contact with. And I know that there are some times when I have had that particular spark. The problem is that when I have had it, it was accidental. I can't or don't simply turn it on like a couple of people I know. That would be helpful this weekend.

ghosts

Continueing with Six Feet Under:

Every episode begins with the Fisher's (sorry, that's the name of the funeral home, Fisher and Sons) client for that episode dies. It's not uncommen, then, for the person spread out on the embalming table to wake up and talk to one of the main characters and help them work through whatever life struggles they've got going on in that episode. I think it's an effective and interesting gimmick replacing the recorded voice-over of the the character's thoughts going through their head...

Nathanial Fisher, the father that died in a car wreck in the first episode, pops up and talks to various "live" characters on a regular basis. The last episode that Holly and I watched played out a year later in time since the Christmas dad died. Throughout the course of that episode, each member of the family conversed with the dad about the last time they saw him alive.

I know from personal experience that the dead tend to show up for a long time. This coming February mark 11 years that my own dad passed away. He just didn't wake up one Sunday morning. We're pretty sure it was a stroke.

I don't remember why, but we couldn't have the funeral until pretty late in the week like Thursday or Friday. I was in college at the time, barely married 6 months, and hadn't spent that much time in my home town for quite awhile.

Dad showed up a lot that week. There were a lot of people in and out of our house that whole week. Lots of friends and relatives stopped in and offered their love and support and expressed how much they were going to miss Dad a long with us. I remember all these people sitting around our living room and everytime I'd hear the front door start to open, the thought would flash through my mind before I could stop it: "Oh good. Dad's finally home..." Then, when the door opened, it would just be another friend/mourner to add to our number.

After the funeral, he kept showing up a lot. The strongest was a couple of weeks after Holly and I got home when we went to our first Murder Mystery Party. My dad had always loved Sherlock Holmes and used to watch all those murder shows on TV like, Murder, She Wrote, Father Dowling, Quincy Adams, etc. So, he kept tickling my ear all night long about how much he would have enjoyed this little game. Then, to top it all off, I figured out the mystery! (If you've ever been to a murder party, you know that they're usually so ludicrous and stupid that it's almost impossible to actually figure out the final story.) The whole way home, all I wanted to do was call my dad and tell him about the game and brag to him that something about watching those mystery shows on TV must have sunk into my psyche.

My dad's funeral happened just a month before my very first recording became available. He never heard any of it. I've released 5 albums of my own and have produced a number of albums for other artists. With every one, I so wish to show it off to my dad.

When he died, I had no idea what my life was going to be like, or what my career was going to be. I knew I wanted to write and sing, but I had no idea I'd actually make a bunch of records for myself and others. I had no idea I'd end up producing for other people. These are all things that I want to tell him. I want him to be proud of me. I want him to be impressed with my knowledge of computers and recording and music and songwriting.

Mostly, I'd just like to tell him about it. But the ghost that haunts me, while present, doesn't talk back like the ghosts on six feet under.

Six Feet Under

Back in January 2004, Holly and I cut off our satellite TV. When we had satellite, we didn't really know what was going on in the world of TV because we'd watch things like VH1 and Discovery and Comedy Central instead of the networks. Since we don't have those channels anymore, we have watched a lot more of the networks and have realized something: TV Sucks!!!!

This is one of those things that I don't know if a) TV has always sucked and I just didn't know it as a kid (A-team! Knight Rider! Airwolf!) or else b) it truly is more horrible than it has ever been. I suspect it might be a little bit of a) but mostly it's b). Between all the totally lame sit-coms, crappy, over dramatic and un-original reality shows and the next city to be another setting for CSI, there is not a single show that I make a point to see other than Seinfeld re-runs at 11:30pm.

The fact that TV sucks has led me to checking out a lot of DVDs and videos from the library, and when I'm not being as frugal, I've tried some TV shows out on DVD that I can rent.

A couple of months ago, I rented the first DVD of the HBO series Six Feet Under. I'd heard about it, and I knew that critics really loved it, so I thought I'd give it a shot.

It's the story of a family that own a funeral home in California. In the first episode, the father of the family dies in a car wreck on his way to pick up the older (prodigal) son from the airport. The younger, uptight, gay, (good) son fumes when the will of dear dad leaves the family business to both brothers. Prodigal son/brother decides to stay home and help run the business that he ran from earlier in life. Other characters include severely repressed mom, angsty younger sister, psycho genius girlfriend of prodigal son, and policeman love-of-good son.

All that to say, I am in love with this show. It's not for the faint of heart, mind you. Remember, it's an HBO series. Everybody in the show utilizes a colorful vocabulary with the f-bomb and all its forms being the favored adjective/adverb/verb/silence breaker. The good son's homosexuality and conflicts and struggles inherent to that lifestyle are dealt with often and frankly.

In spite of all that, I find the show profoundly provocative. The characters are so believable and the situations that arise in the funeral home are both weighty and human. Many episodes have helped me look at different life situations from very different perspectives and have stirred up memories and feelings in my own life.

Who cares? I think many people have issues with somebody spending a lot of time watching a TV show or Movies or reading lots of books and getting really into them. If you spend too much time considering these things, it can be easily seen as wasting time and being lazy. I would contend that movies, music, books, TV are the art of our culture. True; most of it is crap and is a complete waste of time. But to search out and discover the worthwhile examples of art speaking truly of the human experience seems more worthwhile than many of the things that vie for our attention.

Which is more worthwhile: Gaining some empathy for somebody completely outside my situation by experiencing a movie or "getting ahead" at work? Reading a book or watching a baseball game? Listening to music that inspires and broadens my thinking or watching the Bachelor/Boss/Model/Fear Factor reality show?

Mozilla and the new plan

Holly and I have been living in the the new world of high speed internet for a couple of weeks now, and life is very good. Although I hated bowing to the evil empire of SBC, I'm loving DSL. Since I am now paying homage to the evil empire of SBC, I've decided to try to thwart other evil empires.

Just tonight, I downloaded Mozilla's Firefox and Thunderbird and I'm going to try them out as my new browser and email client respectively. Not only is this my own little silly way of sticking it to Bill Gates, but I've been hearing about how using any other browser/email client other than IE and/or Outlook significantly cuts down on the crap the internet has to offer. (Mac users tend to bring up this little bit of knowledge as well...)

So many people use the Microsoft stuff, that the scum of the earth writing/distributing/propagating internet popups, viruses, (viri?), worms, hijackers, spam etc generally only create it to attack the MS software. So I'm giving it a try. So far, I'm digging firefox, but I've only been using it about 30 minutes.

Dark Tower Update:

I know I've not mentioned it since trying to get the Boston saga blogged, but I just finished the 3rd book, the Wastelands, this weekend. I'm enjoying it a lot now. For anybody else who read the Gunslinger and has friends telling you to just push through and give the following books a shot: believe them. It's worth it.

Final thought:
Watch out for that stomach flu that's going around! Last Thursday morning, I woke up and my stomach just hurt! I never threw up and never had any problems out the other end, but my stomach has never hurt like it did for that whole day. By the next day I was feeling better, which I guess is one good thing about this stomach flu, it only gets its claws in you for about 24 hours.

Anyway, be safe out there. Take care of each other.

Boston: The last day and the return...

Monday morning, we got up early and caught a free shuttle from the hotel down near Copley Square. I was pretty excited to see the Boston Public Library, but since it was Labor Day, we only got to see the outside. Copley Square has a little park with some funny little statues of the tortoise and the hare which we took some funny pictures of James and Melissa “riding”. We also saw the Trinity Church (under renovation) and the John Hancock tower. There was also a fountain that we decided we should take a picture in front of so I started looking around for somebody on the street who would take our picture.

There was this elderly couple that looked nice, and after making it clear I wasn’t panhandling, they agreed to take the picture of all of us. It turns out they were from the UK and were just visiting as well. So, I handed him the camera, we posed and…he couldn’t get the camera to work. This took about 4 tries, the last try being my fault because after checking the camera (again) I forgot to set it back to actually take a picture. Anyway, they were a funny couple and wouldn’t you know it: we forgot to take a picture of them…

From Trinity church we walked down to the Public Gardens. It was such a beautiful day with lots of flowers blooming and all kinds interesting trees in the park. We thought about riding around in the Swan boats, but decided that was lame. We made our way to the other side of Boston Common where I waded in the FREEZING wading pool just long enough to say that I did. We then walked around the North side of Boston Common and took pictures outside the original Cheers Bar. We also walked along Common Wealth Avenue and saw Berklee College of Music. It’s strange because it’s just this block of houses on a normal street, but each house has a sign on the door saying what kind of classes meet there. It was weird.

We didn’t have much time left before the shuttle would be coming to pick us up, so we stopped about a block away from the pickup spot to eat lunch at Solas Irish Pub. James and I both had a Guinness and Shepherd’s Pie. I shouldn’t have had the Guinness because it’s just too heavy. The Pie was good too and I thought I was going to burst. I’ve been craving that Shepherd’s Pie ever since…

So, we caught our shuttle back to the hotel, picked up our luggage and took a Taxi back down to the Waterfront where we were going to take a water shuttle over to the airport. Well, first off the cab driver dropped us off about a mile away from where the shuttle was supposed to be. So we were dragging our luggage all along the waterfront trying to find the pickup spot for the water shuttle, which nobody really seemed to know where we should be looking. Finally, we find a sign and find the spot only to find out that they water shuttle doesn’t run anymore! Argh! We could pay $10 a person to have a ferry take us over, but the shuttle didn’t run anymore. We were all pissed off that nobody at the hotel or the cab or anybody told us this information before. So, we had to track back the way we had just come to catch a subway over to the airport. It was very annoying.

The trip back was pretty uneventful. We were all pretty pooped, but we had lots of fun. We’re glad to have friends like the Powers. And that’s about it for the Boston trip. Stay tuned for real blogging soon.

Boston: 2 months later: Reader's Digest version

I know. I suck. I've got to start blogging again, but I can't get this Boston trip out of the way. So, here are the things I remember the most from the whole trip:

The 2nd day we went down to Harvard. We ate lunch at a place called "Fire & Ice" which they referred to themselves as "An Improvisational Grill" which basically means it was a Mongolian BBQ, without the pretense of being solely oriental. It was good except we ate outside and I scarily narrowly missed putting something I didn't recognize in my mouth from my plate that turned out to be bird poop.

There was also a weekend long acoustic festival going on at a club/coffeehouse down by Harvard. It was like $8 to get in, and none of us really wanted to spend the money to hang around there a long time, but they had speaker piping music out onto the street and a huge picture window framing the stage. So, while the other 3 spent some time in a Harvard shop, I sat on the curb and listened to a few people. I was most disappointed in that I was completely un-impressed with anybody I saw. Other things I remember about that day: street musicians with battery powered PA speakers, James finding a record store and going nuts, seeing two homeless guys having some kind of emotional argument, lots of Harvard architecture that my feet hurt too much to care about at the time.

That day we walked a lot and my feet really hurt. So, by evening I talked everybody into going to an art theatre and seeing Garden State which I'd been wanting to see, but hadn't come to NW AR yet. I liked it. It was weird in this art theatre that barely anybody got up and left when the movie was over until the very end of the credits. We ate dinner right before the movie at this pub around the corner from the theatre and had just about the worst service of the trip.

Sunday, Day 3:

James and Melissa wanted to go down to "the Old North Side" which is the Italian part of town. I had a canoli (sp?) for the first time for my breakfast from a real Italian bakery. It was a pretty cool neighborhood with the buildings really close together and stuff. James and I had seen the movie "Mystic River" together which was set in this area of Boston, and it was really interesting. I was tired and my feet hurt, so I was pretty grumpy. And Holly wanted me to be in pictures which I am not very patient for, so we had a little spat when I told her I wasn't in the mood to model. It's pretty funny that the one picture she got, I have the most annoyed look on my face.

There were some really cool cement parks and churches in this area of town. We walked through the church that lit the lights signaling to Paul Revere.

We ate lunch at a real Italian restaurant that none of us were really impressed with and I think we were all a little disappointed. We toured The Constitution which is the oldest commissioned ship. I liked all the ropes and wished that I was still a kid and could climb like I used to.

Then we walked back to where we were to be picked up by the hotel shuttle and stopped into The Green Dragon pub for a beer while we waited for the shuttle back to the hotel.

There was some kind of special promotion going on at our hotel all weekend that included free ice cream, free bicycle rentals, and free ferry rides. So, when we got back to the hotel, we ate ice cream and went to rent bikes. Now, James had been resisting this all day because he hadn't been on a bicycle in so long. We finally talked him into it and we all had a blast! The bikes were all kind of lame, but there's a cool walking/riding trail all along the river and walking/biking sidewalks across the bridge and really pretty park all along the trail on the other side of the river coming back. It was a GORGEOUS day and there were lots of people out sunbathing, sailing, sailing remote control sailboats, walking, riding bikes, roller blading, etc. It was a really fun way to see lots of pretty parks and people watch and I think we all would say that was the most fun thing we did on the whole trip. I'd guess that we ended up biking about 3-4 miles altogether. The only problem was that Holly and James complained that their butts were pretty sore that night.

When we got back from the bike ride, we hot-tubbed and swam a little at the hotel, rested, and then went on the free ferry ride down the river. That was nice and relaxing and the city was pretty to see as the sun went down.

Finally, my friend Ezra told me that we should go to eat at Legal Seafood which we did that evening. It was really delicious, but also the most expensive meal we had on the trip.

One more day to go: stay tuned...

Boston at the beginning of this month: Day 1

Memories as fast as I can:

Picked up James and Melissa at 4:30am. If you know me, that's weird. Made the flights, flying fun, got there about noon or 1pm. Found out that the arm of the subway that went to our hotel that we planned to get around town by was closed. Finally got to hotel and we're hungry. Hiked to downtown area over a big hill from Boston Commons. I was hungry and didn't want to walk anymore before we got food. So, we stopped in a little Lebanese diner. The weirdest part was about 30 seconds have we got in and sat down, the fire alarms started going off. This little guy kept rushing through telling us not to worry about it and that he'd get it shut off. I don't know how long it was going but it felt like 5 or 10 minutes and it was loud.

From there we hiked the freedom trail. It was cool, and I like reading and learning about the history, but I can look at buildings and tombstones and be ready to move on pretty quickly.

Finally, we stopped in this museum that they'd made out of the Old South Meeting House which was where they started from at the Boston Tea Party. It was cool in there and there were cushioned seats and little headphones you could borrow to listen to this program. So, I guessed I fell asleep for a little while. I'd been up since 4am!!

More of the freedom trail. Met some friends of ours and ate at a seafood place right on the bay. Good food. Good times.

Caught a cab back to the Hotel. James was pissed that we paid $10 cuz he thought it should have been less. Walked across the street and got Cheesecake from the cheesecake factory for dessert. Some idiot from the hotel told James there would be a $3 charge to our room for somebody to deliver some more coffee cups and plastic spoons. James was rightfully pissed by that point. I just went down and took some cups and spoons. Sleep.

End Day 1

The Force With Me

So, last night after D&D (I got down to -4 HP, rolled crap all night, Margie saved me, we [pretty much lisa who turned into a dragon] killed an army of 1600 ogres, i think i killed 3) Jeff and I got to talking about that we needed to go get the Star Wars trilogy. 

 

I've been wanting it, but I don't need it, and I figured that would make a pretty decent Christmas present.  However, I realized that I had a bunch of Walmart gift cards saved up from various taste tests and thought I could get buy with maybe paying $10 for the trilogy.  So, Jeff and I went to Walmart at midnight to get it.

 

When I got to checkout, I handed the girl like 6 Walmart cards that had various amounts on them as I'd used different ones for different things.  Some had $3, som $5, at least one had a full $15.  Once she ran them all, I owed $.47.  I had my hand in my pocket and pulled it out with all the change I had:  exactly $.47!

 

And may the Force be also with you...

not blog

Here's the problem. I know I should tell everybody about the trip to Boston. I just know that's going to take awhile and I haven't worked up the ambition to tell everybody about it. Because I know I need to do that, I haven't blogged anything else. There you go.

Boston in the (almost) Fall

Tomorrow morning, 4:30am, we're supposed to pick up our friends, J & M and head for the airport where we're catching a plane to Boston. Why? For fun.

It all started because somebody read about a Lord of the Rings Movie Trilogy exhibit that is at this museum in Boston for a little while. M has cousin or something that works at the museum and got us all tickets, so we're getting to go to the museum for free. Other than that, I don't really know what's on the agenda.

We're flying there, taking a subway downtown and then we'll be getting around all weekend by foot or by bus or something. It will be interesting.

First, Holly and I hardly ever go anyplace "just because". We've traveled quite a bit, but it's always been going and performing with some site-seeing on the side. I'm not even taking a guitar.

Secondly, we've not traveled with other people very much. We've done a couple of tours with my friend Rustin and his wife Marcola, and had a blast. Again, though, we were performing and the point of the trip was career oriented.

J & M are expert travelers and they've taken care of almost all the details. Maybe all of them. I'm just showing up.

Anyway...have a good labor day weekend!

Stephen King and the Dark Tower books

So, I've been struggling to find a book for awhile. I'm not sure what the last book was that really captured my attention, but I think it was Grapes of Wrath and that was early summer. But, that's usually the case. If I read something really tremendous, I have a hard time finding the next thing to get started on.

I just finished reading a book called The Bean Trees by Barbara Kingsolver because Ams and Jess were ardently singing its (Kingsolver's writing) praises. To be honest, it was ok. I wanted to really be captured by it, but just wasn't. Don't know why.

So, last week, I was talking with my friend, Jeff, who was telling me that he was reading or just finished the latest novel in Stephen King's Dark Tower series.

Now, I've read a lot of Stephen King and really like most of what he writes. However, as I told Jeff, I'd read the first book of the Dark Tower series, The Gunslinger, and it was all I could do to finish it. I knew it was an early novel of King's (I guess it was his first) but I just didn't like it. The character's weren't written well and the story seemed so vague that I just couldn't stand it.

Jeff, as Amber had done earlier in the week, told me to give the series another shot. Yes, the first book sucked, but move on. Jeff also told me that I should consider reading the revised and expanded edition of the gunslinger which was better.

I still wasn't really convinced, but I told Jeff, that he'd loan me the revised edition, I'd consider it. That was about 3am Thursday morning (my birthday).

On Thursday afternoon, some other friends surprised me by stopping by and giving me a birthday present. This was surprising in itself, because they're really barely more than acquaintances. We ran into D&S at Walmart a couple of months ago, and stood and visited for awhile and have been trying to get together for dinner or something since and have yet to hook up mostly because the Shackletts are too busy.

Anyway, the gift bag had a couple of Star Wars figures (D isn into SW, too) a D&D poster, and low and behold: The expanded/revised edition of the Gunslinger!

Jeff told me that Jesus must be telling me to read the Gunslinger and give the Dark Tower series another shot...

in the muck

Relationships are hard. If you have a relationship and it's easy, that means that you don't have much invested in each other. I think Holly's youth minister used to ask couples (us) when they're thinking about getting married if they've had their first big fight yet.

This is kind of a yard-stick for a relationship, don't you think? If you don't have much invested, or you just don't care that much, wouldn't a big blow-up fight just end the relationship? Why bother with it?

However, a big blow-up and working through it and maintaining relationship through it will probably end up stronger.

Holly and I aren't fighting, by the way. :)

But, at what point do you throw in the towel with a friendship? Is there a point where you realize, "You and I see life very differently. Your point of view continually frustrates me and vice-versa. We've dealt with conflict, but you're still you and I'm still me and neither of us can change who we are to make this relationship better. For that matter, our relationship isn't making either of us better people. I wish you hope, love and peace. Go with God."...?

Or does letting things get to that point mean that something or somebody has been screwing up? I have little patience for passive/aggressive behavior. I work hard to try to keep it out of my own behavior. So, when direct confrontation starts to seem useless, I can bottle with the best of'em. I'm not sure which is worse.

touring

My sister, Celia, just back from a couple of weeks of touring with her friend, Athena. (I'd link to Athena's web-site, but I don't know her last name...)

Also, just received a packet from an indie label/publicity/promotion company out of Athens, GA. It's the sort of thing that they ask you for permission and some money to put one of your songs on this complilation CD that they're going to produce and promote to radio stations, etc.

This isn't really what you'd consider a scam, but is a dubious proposition at least. The only reason I would consider doing it is if I was willing to get out and tour. This is something I've been considering a lot lately.

I've never been East, and the thing is, if you get far enough east, you don't have to drive more than an hour or two to be at a new venue. Probably the most you can expect to get paid at a club or coffee house where you've never been before would be maybe $100. Of course, if you play every night, that's $700 a week, not including tips/CD sales.

There are lots of draw-backs. Price of gas. Being gone. Being on the road. Maybe making $100/day. Praying the van doesn't break down. I'm getting old...maybe I'm too old to be considering this...

Just call me "The Computer Master"

So, last wednesday, I sent of the last of the previously mentioned medical terms. Job completed except for waiting for them to send back re-dos. mission accomplished.

With that out the way, I was ready to get focused on and finish a couple of on-going records that I've been recording in and around the money job. Not only that, but I'd be able to sit down and blog without the nagging guilt that if I have time to blog I should be working on medical terms...

First, my CD-RW drive crapped out on me. No problem, I got another CD-RW drive at Office Max probably a year ago that was free after all the rebates. I tear apart the computer and pop that in and turn the the computer back on. Nothing. zilch. nada. el zero. not even giving me any bios/boot stuff. that's bad.

I keep it together, though. I call K, the guy that built my computer about 2.5 years ago. I take it over to his house the next day, and after tinkering for awhile, (and charging me $35!) K tells me the motherboard is fried. ack!

I keep it together. I order a new motherboard. It came today.

Since K decided that he was going to be charging me for what I thought was unlimited tech support until he moved away or I move into a new computer, I decided I could do this.

With the help of my friend, Chris, overseeing and giving advice as needed, I successfully took out the old motherboard and put in the new one. That's all cool, cuz Chris was there if there was trouble. But, as soon as I put the mother board in, I brought the puter home.

Tonight, I've successfully re-formatted my system drive, installed an operating system, hooked up and got running 3 physical hard-drives and a CD-RW, and installed all my PCI cards! Yay me!

No computer's gonna slow me down...

Random Blog # 274

the fam

Last weekend, my mom and her husband, and my sister were here. We all loaded into my mom's car and drove over to Tulsa to attend one of our favorite cousin's wedding. In the process we got to spend time with the rest of our favorite cousins and their families and really had a blast.

I only have my sister, Celia, as a sibling. We really have a great relationship and love the chance to spend time together. This particular family is my mom's youngest sister's. Our cousins in that family are an oldest brother (who got married this weekend) and 2 sisters.

Celia and I had so much fun hanging with all of them because we seldom get to see any of them anymore. Not for any reason other than the fact that we are busy. There's 6 kids of these two sisters and both of the families are just awesome. We were talking that this set of cousins are kind of like our "alternate reality" siblings that we only got to spend time with on occasions. Their kids feel like "alternate reality" nieces and nephews.

It was hard to leave. It's hard to have such a short time to try to re-connect with these extended siblings. I want to know them more and their kids more. It's weird that I don't know them more, and yet when we're together we have a relationship. There's no questions about that.

Random blog #37

"batchin" it

A few blogs ago I mentioned that death sucks. It bites, too. Will, Holly's sted-granddad died last wednesday. He was ready and isn't in pain anymore. That doesn't change the fact that we don't get to see him anymore.

Anyway, Holly left for Wichita on Friday, the funeral was Saturday, and she's staying till Wednesday to just be with her Grammy. I had 4 "gigs" of sorts this weekend between Friday night and Sunday night, so I couldn't go (and my fingers hurt.)

Holly and I have always been different than other couples. Most people, between jobs, kids, etc have to struggle to carve out little chunks of time to spend together. For the longest time, neither of us had jobs and were out traveling and playing together every weekend. There would be times when we were together 24/7 literally. The cool thing is that even with that much exposures, we don't get on each other's nerves very often.

So, here I am without her with me from Friday-Wednesday. We say "Batchin' It" as in "Living as a Bachelor". I'm not very good at it.

There was about 9 months in college, before Holly and I were engaged that we were broke up. (That's another story...) I lived was living in a dorm/house in with my own room and my neighbor, Dean, was a neat-freak and kept the bathroom spotless.

I hardly spent any time in my room, by myself, that whole time. I'd hang out with Dean, I'd got hang out with other girls that were my friends, I'd go flirt with other girls, whatever. Frankly, I spent a lot of time over at Holly's house making sure nobody came got any wild ideas of getting close to her. (Again...that's a story for another time....)

The point is, I wasn't good at being alone then. Holly and I will celebrate our 11 year anniversary in less than 30 days. Do think I'm any better at batching it now?

In some ways, I think I am better at it. Like this weekend, I was pretty busy, so I didn't have much time to think about it. (Although, I'm pretty used to having Holly singing with me, and it's always an adjustment when she's not.) I've got tons of those medical terms to work on and they could keep me plenty busy till she gets back. Of course, these medical terms, like homework, are easy to procrastinate. The motivating factor is that the deadline is coming, and I need the money...

Plus, I've got Petey to keep me company.

Even so, it's weird how much I can feel her not being here.

recipe for daydreams

I think I am somewhat prone to be overwhelmed. Whether I have work to do, or a big project or working on a new CD. Those are the personal things, but I also get overwhelmed by politics, the state of the world, the poor and homeless, Holly's step-grandad who is going to die of cancer soon.

Sometimes I think about these things and I just can't figure a way out. The problems and intricacies seem insurmountable.

So I retreat. I do this a number of ways. I read novels and watch movies. Sometimes I just flip through the 5 channels we have, but usually that overwhelms me again because I'm so disgusted with the inanity of 99% of TV. Sometimes I daydream about winning some sweepstakes and taking a week off every month and taking a cruise and wasting away on a beach somewhere.

Sometimes I get overwhelmed at the thought of blogging.

Sam Phillips Home Page

Sam Phillips Home Page

There's way more info here. You need to love her, too.

for the love of Sam Phillips

I've said this before: There are not many things that I would say that I am an actual fan. By stating that I am a fan, I mean that even though I may recognize that an artist might put out something less than great, I don't really care. I love and support that artist anyway.

Sam Phillips is one such artist for me. She started her musical career within the Contemporary Christian Music industry of the '80s and was known as "Leslie" Phillips then. This was in the midst of Amy Grant's heyday, but Leslie was edgier. Many referred to her as "the Christian Cindi Lauper" because, compared to Amy Grant, she was a little unusual.

She put out 3 records for her label. (I didn't really like the first, but I kind of liked 2)Dancing with Danger and 3)Black and White in a Grey World) But, after those albums, she was frustrated. Her label kept trying to make her sing happy Christian songs where all the answers are given by the end of the 3.5 minutes of playing time. As I understand it, she was fighting for the position that life doesn't always make sense and the answers are not always easy and God is just plain hard to understand sometimes. Obviously, she wanted her art to reflect that tension honestly.

The story as I understand it, is that Leslie's label said they needed 2 more albums for her to fulfill her contract and then she could do whatever she wanted. Because of their frustration, they gave her a tiny budget for her next CD and introduced her to a relatively unknown producer by the name of T-Bone Burnett. The resulting album, one of my favorite all-time albums, was called The Turning.

T-Bone and Sam not only made a great album, but they got married, too. For the fifth CD, to fulfill her contract, they threw together a "Best Of" with some unreleased demos and a couple new songs, and Leslie walked away from the Christian music industry.

The Turning came out with little fan-fare because the suits didn't expect it to do well. It was kind of dark, nebulous, and was made on a shoe-string budget. It spoke of longing, loss, uncertainty and doubt. Why pump money into promoting it?

The thing is, 20+ years later, The Turning is regarded as (one of a very few) artistic masterpieces ever to come out of the Christian music industry. I've seen it listed on All-Time Top 20 lists by Critics numerous times, both in the Christian music realm and mainstream publications. It's artistic/poetic worth and integrity are virtually unquestionable by those who are knowledgeable of such things.

Just a couple of years after leaving the Christian industry, Leslie, now known as Sam Phillips, released her first of 5 Critically-Lauded releases on Virgin Records and has now released 2 CDs on Nonesuch Records. All of them produced by wonder-boy T-bone and all of which have made her the critics' darling.

So, what does it mean when the local Family Christian Bookstore, while highlighting and marketing WOW Worship 2004, Jump 5, The Purpose Driven Life, and the Left Behind Books to death has dumped a number of copies of Leslie Phillips', The Turning, into a bargain bin for $3 each?

bad bloggers and an election year

There are numerous reasons why I haven't blogged. Sometimes, it's because I don't really have anything to say. Sometimes, it's because I think, "If I start blogging about that, there's no way that I'm going to be able write a short, sweet blog about that topic..." To be honest, sometimes I don't really want just anybody to be able to get online and know what I think about this or that particular subject.

For instance: Politics. I can honestly say that I cannot remember a single time Republicans/Democrats were discussed in my family when I was growing up. I don't think either of my parents ever even made it known to me whether they considered themselves Republican or Democrat.

And really, what's the point? The fact of the matter is that there are a lot of times (like election years) that I'd rather not align myself with either party. I may agree with some things one party says, but really abhor other things they may be for or against.

For that matter, one of the only things that I'm really sure about
American politics is that both parties have very talented, dedicated publicists and spin doctors who are abundantly capable demonizing opposing candidates and sanctifying their own.

I think the last election that I was paying attention to; I kept seeing particularly mud-slinging ads from one candidate and not from another. This really appealed to me.
Take a common ad that would say something like this:
"Mr. Dude voted AGAINST a bill that would feed 60 bazillion homeless people without any bump in taxes..."
How could anybody vote against a bill like that?

It's been a long time since I've been in government class, but I always have this suspicion that although this may be technically true, the mentioned point was actually referring to something tacked onto a bill that was for something else that nobody in their right mind would vote for.

Like I said, I’m not a political guru. However, I just wish there was some way to know the truth. I don’t want to know all the bad stuff the other candidate has done. I want to know all the good stuff that you want to do and how in the world you think you can do it.

I’ve been thinking about this in my life a lot, too. So many times, it’s easy to think of myself as a good person because of all the bad stuff that I don’t do. What does that matter? I’m making the world a better place by not murdering the person that cut me off? If I did murder that person, that would definitely make the world a worse place, but does my NOT murdering that person necessarily make it better? I don’t think so.

The question, then, is what have I done good? What have I done that I know helps somebody else? And I’m not sure that taking care of your family or helping friend move really even counts for that much. I mean, aren’t we going to take care of the people we know and love? The question is, what have I done to help somebody else just because they need help and I can give it?

I don’t know how I’m going to figure out how to discern in the realm of politics. But, I can start thinking of ways that I can improve the world that I live in myself. Wouldn’t the world be much better if we all did just that?

Whew, this is a lengthy and not very well written blog. I just wanted you to know that I know.

spider man

Went to see Spiderman 2 up in Rogers on the 4th. It's the first time I've been to the theatre in Rogers for awhile. I thought the movie was pretty great. They really nailed the balance of drama/humor/action that is often the case in comic books. I liked Doc Oc as a villain better than Green Goblin.

It's interesting, because I'm really not an expert on Spiderman lore/history, so I don't really know the stories of Green Goblin or Doc Oc. Anyway, I think it's worth seeing in a big great theatre with great sound.

medical terms

Ok, so I've been slacking this week, too. I've actually been working in the studio this week on a new-to-me type of project.

I'm reading/recording medical terms. I don't know what they'll be used for, but I just have to read these terms, export them to their own individual file and then upload them to this medical company. I just finished the first 1,000 words that I was asked to do, and now they just asked me to do another 1,000. This is not quite as scary as the fact that apparently, there's a whole 'nother batch of 10,000 words that I'm supposed to be getting!

Now, my first hurdle was the fact that I've never been too fond of my speaking voice. I take that back, I never considered what my speaking voice sounded like until early on in 7th grade. That was the year that a girl in my class, DeeDee Reed decided that I sounded stupid and she told me so. A lot. All the way through high school. How sick and sad is it that my thought patterns are still being influenced by a mean (and I'm trying hard not to say anything else about her) girl that I barely knew 15 years ago? (DeeDee, if you're out there, it really sucks that you've lodged this particular insecurity in me all this time, but I'm sure that I couldn't care less what you think of me now.)

Now, reading the words is not so bad. In fact, I kind of like it. They give you the word and the pronunciation and for some reason, I like testing myself to see how long it takes me to say these weird, long medical terms. The editing, however, is pretty mind-numbing. I thought I was never going to finish editing/exporting this first 1,000. Only 11,000 more words to go...

death sucks

I know I've been slacking last week. Instead of blogging, I finished reading Steinbeck's Grapes of Wrath. What a horribly sad story. Good, though. When I get my hands on books like that, I just can't put them down. Then, when I finish, I have a hard time finding something else to read because the writing was so fantastic, few things can measure up.

I'm trying to read 2001 at the suggestion of my sister. Let it be known that I pretty much hate Kubrick movies, but I'm hoping the A.C. Clarke novel will be much better.

Holly and I are driving to Wichita today. Her 70-something, spunky grammy was re-married about 5-6 years ago to a great guy named Will. He now has cancer that is in a bunch of his vital organs. He tried a round of chemo earlier when they first found it, but then when that didn't do anything, he said that was it for that. No more chemo. And he started preparing to die. Over Father's day weekend, he told Holly's mom that he didn't think he was going to make it to his next birthday. That's July 1st.
I guess I'm kinda scared. What do you say to somebody that you really like and respect who you know isn't going to be here much longer? How am I supposed to act? Do the rules of propriety or manners have any weight or importance anymore? Isn't it stupid to say, "I'm really going to miss you." But, that's all I know to say.

I've had two people that I was very close to die in my life so far. One was my friend, Tim. The other was my dad. They both died within about 5 months of each other about 10 years ago. Both died suddenly: Tim in a freak accident and my dad had a stroke. That kind of mourning, when it sneaks up on you, is shocking and difficult and I don't want to go through that. But this may be worse. I like Will a lot. He's made grammy really happy and she's lived through some marriages with some real jerks. Not only that, Will and I both married into the family and I think we connected with each other more than anybody else other than our respective spouses.
I don't have any answers and I'm not even sure I know the questions. But that's what I'm going to be doing for the next two days. Like I said, death sucks.

It's good to be home

Well, we made it. Holly and I hit the road from Lake Tomahawk at right about noon on Saturday and made it home by about 9:40pm. Ugh. I hate road trips like that.

Our friends, Jeff and Lisa were here when we got here and we all spent today doing church stuff.

I'm pooped. Tomorrow, I plan to take the rental car back and not much else. I'd like to go see SAVED! but it's not playing anywhere in NW Arkansas! ARGH!

Anyway, it's good to be home. That's all I know at the moment.

letter from camp...

hello, mudder
hello, fodder
greetings from camp
way down in Texas...

I sweet-talked the camp secretary to let me online to check email, so I'm leaving a short blog, too.

It's crazy muggy here. I think Holly and I are going to like the way Arkansas feels when we get back. We'll be heading back tomorrow by about noon, so we've got a long trip.

It's been good. We've been able to play with a great band all week and I've been reading Grapes of wrath in my (abundance of) spare time. Yesturday, I got to play on a "Blob" that they have out in the pond. I've seen them before, but have never had the pleasure. It was fun until I landed smack on my back. ouch. Plus, after blobbing somebody else, it seemed like an aweful lot of work to crawl across the thing to get in position to be blobbed myself...

Anyway, more blogging will commence when i get home.

knowledge of good and evil

I've read a book in the last year that presented a concept that just keeps bouncing around in my mind. Very simply, it's just the idea that as man evolves, socially, mentally, technilogically, etc, his felt need for God, or any supernatural or beyond for that matter, diminishes.

This seems to explain so much to me. It seems so obvious, that for all our achievement and technological advancement, in some ways, it's worse for us.

I can't imagine living without a computer and the internet, but 10 years ago, very few people were online. Now, it's stranger to find somebody who's NOT online.

Communication flows freely, right? And yet, now, we just have new and different ways in which to misunderstand and miscommunicate with each other. Sounds like progress, right?

Blue Like Jazz

Two of my friends have been reading a book called "Blue Like Jazz" and have been telling me that I should.

I started reading it on Sunday. My friends weren't a-joking. Very interesting and refreshing after staring at this blog so much as of late.

We've got a big weekend starting today, and then we're leaving on Monday for the next week to a camp in Texas.

We thought this was going to be our first camp in like 12 years to not go to a single camp. Then a friend called like 3 weeks ago because the guy who was supposed to do music at this camp had to back out last minute. My friend, T, set it all up and found me a band that will play all week. He assures me they're good players and good guys, so that should be fun.

Anyway, this is a random blog to just start new conversation. :)

wow, i'm tired of typing...

So, all of those last (horribly long) posts were simply to set this up. More than anything, I wanted to dispel some seriously misguided notions of why I’m doing what I’m doing (or not doing as the case may be.)

So it comes to this: Why should the church or church people support what I do?

First, I whole-heartedly, unabashedly, vehemently believe that the church should support art that is not overtly “christian art”. In history, if you were to investigate the great works of art in music, painting, literature, sculpture, you’ll find that 9 times out of 10, it was the church that provided the resources for those works to come about. Do you think J.S. Bach was concerned with terms of “sacred” or “secular”? He wrote great Masses for church and little ditties about beer. How did he make a living and survive? The church.

Seriously, the distinctions of “Christian Art” and “Secular” art have only been around for like maybe 50 years. By Christians making that distinction and separating themselves from the arts and producing their own “sanctified” art, they’ve lost nearly all influence and sway in the art of our culture. By losing that influence in art, Christians have lost major influence in the psyche of our culture. It is imperative that the Church start supporting true, great, art before it loses all of its voice in contemporary culture.

There are books and books written on this topic and I’ve written too much of a book already. If you’re interested, here are a number of books that I’ve read dealing with this topic directly and indirectly. All of them have directly influenced my personal philosophy of faith and the creative individual.
“Art & the Bible” by Francis Schaeffer (short (two essays) yet huge book in terms of my personal philosophy)
“Addicted to Mediocrity” & “Sham Pearls Before Real Swine” by Franky Schaeffer (Francis’ Son) (These two books by Franky deal with the above topic most directly)
“Crossroads” by Charlie Peacock
“Walking on Water” by Madeleine L’Engle
“Roaring Lambs” by Bob Briner

Do I consider myself a producer of great art? Well, the artist himself can’t really say that with any authority, now can he? However, I do know that I’m very proud of some things that I’ve written. I have seen my art connect with and touch people both inside and outside of the church walls. I’ve seen a couple of my songs (gypsy heart, oh geppetto) really move people wonder toward…something; and I think it’s to something beyond what our mortal senses can give us. That, to me, seems like something that the church should be willing to support.

As to SW’s challenge(s). I think that I have been very up front and authentic with my supporters. I don’t know how to express to you that if you have had these questions of if I am worthy of church support, I have wrestled with the questions so much more than you have. I take it very seriously. And the fact that support is still there, compels me to believe that I am doing something that I’m supposed to be.

That being said, to be honest, what goes on between my financial supporters and me is none of your business. It’s between them, me and God. Do you think I tricked them into giving their money to me? That is, unless you are one of those supporters. In which case, I strongly believe it was/is your responsibility to call/write me personally to discuss your concerns.

Ultimately, I don’t believe that I can be held completely responsible for how I am always perceived. One’s perception has a lot to do with his/her own personal hang-ups, desires, convictions, prejudices and maturity. I have tried (in excess) to explain who I am and what I’m trying to do as best I can in this medium.

To put it simply: No, SW, you’re wrong in your perception of me. Your PETA illustration and was not only poor in its analogy, but it was just plain wrong in it’s assumption.

Furthermore, I’m sorry, but I don’t think you were able to look at the content of the web-site or blog objectively in the least. In fact, I think that your confusion and disillusion occurred when your pre-conceived (if misguided) ideas of me conflicted with what you found on the web-site.

Please understand that I’m trying to tell you this with no malice. Frankly, we may not agree. I’m ok with that because I’ve considered these issues and questions way more than you have and I’m very confident in my convictions of who I am and what I’m doing. I may not always get it right, but that’s what grace is for.

Finally: I welcome any and all comments and contributions to this topic. However, I don’t think my blog is an effective medium for discussion. For this reason, I would request that any comments/responses made concerning this topic would be posted at the provided msg board. (I’ll try my best to keep the pornbots at bay. Please email me if I miss any. And let’s be careful out there, people!)

I’m really tired of typing out my life philosophy and want to get my blog back to waxing eloquently of important things…like blowing gigantic soap bubbles…

Love,

The AZ tour

I want to write just a little bit more about "christian" gigs and "church" gigs by telling you about the 18 day tour that Holly and I took down to Phoenix and back the last part of November.

On this trip, we did concerts for a number of churches and we played gigs for a number of "secular" coffee houses. Almost all of the gigs fit pretty precisely in the respective descriptions of the different kinds of gigs that I described in the previous to posts.

The churches were very complimentary and generous with their financial support and their encouragement. We sold lots of CDs at the church gigs and I think people were honestly encouraged and exhorted by what I had to say.

The "secular" gigs were pretty poorly attended. We played in Flagstaff, Albuquerque, and Phoenix, where nobody knew me and very few cared. I sold very few CDs and the performance fee we received was maybe $50 if anything at all. At the same time, I got to play them. The few people who were there any given night, heard my songs, maybe checked out my web-site later, a couple people bought CDs.

Here's the kicker: For the most part, I sang the same songs at all of those gigs. Now, at many of the "secular" gigs, I had at least 2 hours to fill, so there were, understandably, a lot more covers. At the church gigs, it seemed appropriate to sing a couple of my older songs that the lyrics are specifically directed to church folk. There were a couple of instances on the trip when we led worship in church settings. But, the core of the selection of songs I took to all of those venues was made up of the same songs.

I talked a little more in the church gigs. People were attentive and interested in what I had to say. Because it was pretty apparent that we were all on the same page, in our mutual relationship with Christ if nothing else, it was appropriate to discuss my faith openly, to share openly how those songs came out of me; what I was thinking, how they are informed by my life and faith and struggles therein.

Did I talk less at the "secular" gigs because I was ashamed of my faith? Was I afraid those 2 or 3 people who were listening might not like me? Give me a break. All I wanted to do was keep those people listening and trying to get some more people to listen too. That's all that singer/songwriters want; for people to hear their songs.

Those same songs that encouraged and exhorted and connected with the "church" folk, found their way into ears of the folks in the "secular" venues that I would never expect to show up at a church concert to hear. The same words and the same glimmers of truth that I have sought and wrestled with were expressed in the way they were conceived; as songs simply trying to find listeners.

I'm a songwriter/musician who happens to be a Christian. I'm not an evangelist anymore than any other Christian who happens to be a truck driver or banker or plumber, telephone operator. The fact that I stand in front of a microphone and sing my songs for people doesn't give me any more right or responsibility to be trying to "save souls" than any other believer.

As a Christian, I am called to be salt and light to this world. How are we to be salt and light? How am I to be known as a Christian? By my songs? By my words? By my abstaining from illicit sex, drugs, alcohol, movies, rock music? Will they know I'm a Christian by my going to church on Sunday, by reading my bible everyday, by praying at meals, by telling people at every opportunity that they need to convert so they can go to heaven like me? Will they know I'm a Christian by my successfully removing myself from "secular" venues and only singing to people in church or in places where "opportunities for conversion" are apparent? Sorry. Wrong Answer.

Like Jeff already pointed out: They'll know who we are by our love. (Jn. 13:35)

I just went back and found where Jeff quoted that, and realized that he's described my endeavor quite well. I consider him a close friend and admire him in many ways, not least of which in his knowledge and understanding of faith and the bible. For anybody (still) reading this, I'd encourage you to check out his comments posted under the blog on 6/5 entitled conversation over... or his post on the bulletin board called "Anonymity vs Face to Face" which succinctly describes Pauline principles which closely reflect why I do what I do now.

I also want to thank Jeff for his observation of what has happened in my "secular music career". I have made so many friends and built so many great relationships with so many people, which if I had kept to my "church venues" would never have developed. I've never hidden my beliefs from these friends, but have allowed them to know me and my beliefs by how they influence the way I live my life. I've had a number of very interesting and honest conversations with these friends about life and faith and belief. Can't you agree that building and cultivating those relationships would be more important as "ministry" than anything I could ever say or sing into a microphone?

ugh. There were a couple of other things I wanted to say regarding this, but this is too long already. I hope I've made my position clear.

Nope. Not done. I think I've got one more entry that needs to come out...

Coming up next: Church Support (I think it might be shorter.)

"God vs Fame"

"God vs Fame" or

Here's what it was/is like performing for "church gigs":

At the church concerts that we were used to, we'd usually be at a church for Sunday morning services. We'd do special music and/or lead worship that morning. We'd usually have lots of opportunity throughout the day to visit with people at lunch or at a fellowship dinner. Being at the church that day and giving a "preview" on Sunday morning was the bulk of my responsibilites of "promoting" the concert. Sure, I'd send posters and pictures and that sort of thing ahead of our arrival, but in booking us to come do our thing, the minister or music minister knew that I was counting on them to talk it up and get people interested in coming to the concert that night.

The concert itself was usually just over an hour. I'd play my original songs for an attentive, interested audience of anywhere from 50-200 people. Even if they didn't know me, they showed up because they trusted the minister or music minister to provide at least acceptable programming. They were usually friendly, and engaged. They listened and laughed at my stories and clapped heartily at the end of songs. On really good nights, we'd have friendly banter going on between audience and stage.

It's pretty much a captive audience. Many came and listened because they had a pretty good idea where I was coming from and for the most part agreed with what I had to say. At the end of the concert, the audience would happily take up a "love-offering" to help us continue what we were doing. After the concert, there was often a dessert social where people who'd experienced the concert would come up and encourage and compliment me, buy CDs, tell me they were excited to be able to say "I saw him when...." They'd tell me stories of their own and tell me how some particular song really encouraged or touched them in a particular way. They'd buy CDs and sign my mailing list to where at one point, I had well over 1500 names. We'd come back to churches and always be greeted by people that remembered us from before and treated us like old friends.

Here's what it's like performing at a "secular venue":

I take the posters wherever I think they'll be noticed by people that might be interested. I email my list of about 60+ names that are local that have signed up over the last 2+ years of playing every month locally. I try to tell everybody to "come out" and "bring your friends" because I know that, as a performer, it's not only my job to entertain, but it's my job to get people to the show up and (hopefully) those people will buy drinks and food enough that will continue to justify the venue manager's letting me play there again.

On a really hopping night, 50-75 people might come and go through the doors of the coffee house during the 2 hour set with maybe 15-20 folks actually coming and staying just to hear me play. Many people walk in during a song, cross right in front of the stage between me and the audience, buy their drinks, and walk back out right in front of the stage without a glance my direction as I'm singing. Sometimes, people just happen to be hanging out at the place, and sit and visit or play games and don't really pay attention to how loudly they laugh or how distracting their winning a round of Uno can really be. Eventually, these visitors/game players get frustrated enough with trying to talk over my singing that they pack it up and head out, never thinking twice about passing right by my tip jar and CD display. All of this is going on with the coffee machines making their horrible noises all night long.

Most people don't even pay any attention to what I'm saying or singing, let alone actually think or care about it.

Now, I will say that I am so thankful for everybody that intentionally shows up. There are a number of people who come out on a regular basis, actually pay attention to my stories, and sing along with the songs they know. Once in awhile, some folks get up and dance. There are a few faithful who really do encourage me and enjoy my playing and are always trying to be attentive and are generous to our tip jar. Sometimes, these faithful few do a lot in encouraging "newbies" to come out, tip generously, and buy their own CDs.

The point is, if I were really seeking fame and the adulation of the crowds, it was much easier to feel really loved and appreciated by lots of people when playing the "church gigs".

Next up: True stories from the church/secular tour!

(the point is coming....)

"God vs Mammon" or otherwise known as "foldin' money"

Here goes...

I've started responding so many times and keep starting over. There's so much that I want understood and I can't figure out how to say it all without writing some kind of thesis or something.

(one other thing: I'm going to be posting a number of what look to be long blogs. 1) I'm sorry, honestly I didn't open this can of worms, but I'd like to be very clear and honest about it. 2) You might want to save comments till after it seems I'm finished so as not to set me off on tangents which will just slow us all down. Believe me, there will be time for Q&A later.

God vs. Mammon

I feel the need to explain some things to make a clearer picture.

First, what it was like when my "playing out" was dominated by "church gigs":

For at least 3-4 years, we were booked probably about 45 weekends out of the year and 7 or more weeks (usually 10 wks) of leading worship at camp every summer.

For at least the last couple years of that kind of schedule, I could ask for (and mostly receive) at least $500 to be at a church and/or lead worship on Sunday morning and then do an hour long concert at the church that night. Sometimes churches just paid this out of budgets, sometimes they took an offering and wrote me a check for whatever came up short to get to $500. (In the "biz" we call this a "guaranteed offering")

We also usually did really well selling CDs, too. I had Vagabond Dancing, Fall on Me, and Trying to Climb the Wisdom Tree for sale, and would usually make a package deal for all 3 for like $25 or 2 for $20. At church concerts, I think it's safe to say that we'd average selling at least 15-20 CDs a weekend, which translates into at least another $200. (I'm being very conservative with this, because it seems like we usually made more like $300-$400 in CD sales.)

When we'd lead worship for camps or retreats or revivals or whatever, I'd be able to clear at least $500 and many times it was more like $750-$1000. We didn't usually sell quite as many CDs at camp, but would usually sell between 10-20 for a week. (This included telling kids that if they wanted a CD, they could take it with an envelope and send us a check after they got home. You wouldn't believe how many checks we'd get at the start of camp season the following year when mom's got out kids' camp stuff and found this envelope and got the story. I just always figured if they wanted the CD, I'd rather that they had it. We never paid any attention to whether they sent us money or not. But, I digress...)

All this adds up to the fact that we were able to pull in roughly $2000-$2500 a month for "performance fees" to live on, and we usually saved CD money to help pay for the next CDs or equipment purchases or promotional spending.

Now, this is what money is like "playing out" in "secular venues":

I play out maybe once or twice a month. I make $50 from a venue and I put out a tip jar that usually pulls in another $50. I played just last week and we were really surprised and excited to find that we'd actually sold 5 whole CDs that night. A good night would be 2 or 3 CDs sold and a normal night would be about 1 CD sold.

Once in awhile, we'll get asked to do something special like an end-of-school teachers' picnic that we played for a couple of weeks ago. We were very thankful to receive $300+tips+CDs+ some good food. I wish this kind of thing could happen more.

About a month ago, we (me, Holly, and James) got to open for a big-name Christian band. We didn't get paid anything, but we sold almost 20 CDs.

That brings the grand total to an exceptionally good month of these "secular gigs" bringing in less than $500 including CD sales. Even if I were able to bump up the bookings to playing out 3 or 4 nights a month, I still don't think it would make it past the $500 mark.

Believe me when I say that if I were mostly concerned with money, I would never have given up the "sweet-money gig" lifestlye that I was living.

Stay tuned for: "God vs. Fame"
Coming soon...

(sorry, this is just the first installment. ie: I'm not done yet.)

name calling and other misunderstandings...

Sorry it's taken me a little while to get back to this; it's been a busy weekend.

However, this blog and this thread of conversation have never been far from my mind. I've thought a lot SW and what he/she is asking me. That's caused me to be doing a lot of self-evaluation. Also, simply because of human nature, I couldn't keep myself from spending a lot of mental energy on wondering who SW might be.

Now that I think I finally have a clearer idea of the questions/concerns SW is bringing up, I really appreciate and welcome the opportunity share my thoughts and ideas about them.

Unfortunately, I don't have the time at the moment to address those things on the blog.

The one thing I wanted say quickly is this: I think that a number of people have been upset by SW's comments because they seemed to be an attack on me. Consequently, some of my friends, who may know me a little better, or may just have a clearer picture of me and my music, in coming to my defense have made SW feel attacked and defensive.

Believe me when I say I've read all of these comments a lot! And I really don't think SW was attacking me. Neither do I, because I know these people, think that Jeff or T-Rev or Kenny or anybody else were actually attacking SW back.

SW, if you knew Jeff Miller, you'd know that some of the wacky things he says/types are just because he's wacky. I realized that if you didn't know him, some of the stuff that he typed might seem really aggressive. Just like SW's comments seemed kind of aggressive to me (and others) simply because I (we) don't know (or know we know) SW.

Honestly, it seems to me that most (if not all) of the animosity all around stems from SW's anonymity.

Now, I'm not saying that to say, "Reveal thyself!" I just want you (SW) to know that I really welcome conversation on this particular topic. I know that you feel that if you would have contacted me privately, even in email, where I knew who you are, I'd be mad. Honestly, I don't think that is the case. I also think that the anonymous post is what caused the most defensiveness in me.

argh. I'm out of time. I'll write more later.

Kenny Tomlin: Name Calling

Kenny Tomlin: Name Calling

My friend, Kenny, has picked up on the ongoing conversation and has posted some good thoughts on his own blog. Check it out.

The shackboard is OPEN!!

Web Discussion Board

All right, folks! Here it is: As T-rev already made mention, this conversation, while interesting, has become increasingly difficult to follow on this blog. So, I'd like to welcome everybody and anybody to come on over to the msg board and let me know what you're thinking.

After deleting all the crappy porn/spambot postings from the board, I've tried to cut/paste all the comments and my responses and comments to the board already. I've tried to put all comments in logical places according to what the response or comment was pertaining to. (I hope that you like it because it was kind of a big job.)

The good news is that nobody is limited to 1000 words and have to keep adding more comments. Also, it should be easier to comment on specific things somebody else has said.

I will continue to blog here and I really want people to add their comments. But, if you are a part of the ongoing conversation of the last couple blogs/comments I think that the msg board will prove a better medium for the ongoing conversation.

Just follow the link, and you'll know what to do. (when you get there, start at the bottom if you're just new to the conversation.)

See you on the board. I've got some more responses to SW's latest challenges coming soon.

conversation...over?

Thanks to t-rev and his comments about the conversation.

Just wanted to let SW know that there's no hard feelings going on if he'd like to continue.

The conversation continues...

Well, I started responding to SW's further comments a couple of times today and ended up scrapping it all. Responding to each individual point like I did yesturday now seems like kind of a waste of time and energy.

SW, I'd like to give you kind of an over-arching explanation of myself, but every time I thought I had a handle on what you're getting at or what you're trying to accomplish, I read something else that seems to contradict what I thought was going on.

I'm sorry, but I still don't understand. What are you trying to tell me? What are you wanting me to explain or change? Are you trying to encourage or discourage or exhort me as an artist or person? Are you under the impression that I'm "wearing a mask" as an artist in my songs or as a person in my blog? Are you trying to tell me to stop trying to be a "secular" artist or stop pretending to be a "christian" artist? When you say "Put up or shut up" are you saying give up church altogether or just stop bitching about it? But then you say if being negative is who I am, then I should just let my blogs be negative.

If anything, I take the most offense at the allusion that I've been less than authentic about who I am or what I think. (wearing a mask) Just because I don't spend my time on this blog spouting my opinions and criticisms of everything I see, doesn't mean that I'm not being authentic. The truth is, I love my dog, Petey very much. Non-dog people don't get how much he's a part of our family. If I had a kid, don't you think I'd talk about him/her? I love Chipotle restaurant. I love the cancelled TV series Freaks and Geeks. I love Aimee Mann and Sam Phillips and Patty Griffin and U2 and the Lord of the Rings and the movies Magnolia and Fargo.


Some more truths about what I think:
I think most of the Christian Music Entertainment Industry is a huge pile of worthless crap. It does very little but make those who buy into it think that they're doing something "great for God" by being a part of it. Anybody outside of that Christian sub-culture probably don't realize it even exists, let alone feels any effect on their life. This is just one big reason why I want to distance myself from the label "christian artist".

Did I always feel that way? No. When I was in Jr. High and High School, I wanted to be the next Michael W. Smith. The thing is that I'm not the same person I was more than a decade ago. I'm not even the same person or artist that I was 7 or 5 or 2 years ago. If I was the same artist, I hope somebody would have told me to give it up already. Because if I'm not evolving as a person and an artist, how could I think I had anything relevent to say anyway?

I don't think "christian" is an appropriate descriptor of a style of music or a movie or a book or an insurance company. It's only an appropriate adjective when talking about a person or body of people. That's the only way it was used in the Bible. If it's used as an adjective for anything else, it's a marketing tool.

I'm a songwriter/artist that happens to be a christian. Some of the songs that I write or have written deal with subject matter that would usually be described as "christian". I have shared my songs inside and outside of church. I've sold my CDs to Christians and non-Christians. I'll welcome fans who believe the same things I do and others that don't.

Does that mean that I believe or think all the same things and the same ways that others who call themselves "Christians" believe or think? I definately think not. In the same way that I'd like to be respectful of those who don't call themselves Christians, I want to be respectful of other Christians who may not think the same things I do.

Man, I was going to try to keep this blog shorter.

One more thing. SW said this:
"Those who really wouldn't know you but from your website, you say some pretty harsh things about "church" but you don't explain yourself. Having a "Mom" ask what does he mean? All I could say is you must read it all, meet him, and listen to his music to answer that."

It took me awhile to understand what this statement was saying, but if I understand it correctly, I'd like you, SW, to take your own advice. Read it all. Meet me. (Talk to me.) and listen to my songs if you want to know who I am and what I think. If you still want to know what I think and can't figure it out, ask. I'll tell you and I won't be wearing a mask. Of course, I have been openly myself throughout this whole discourse....

comments are always welcome! :)