Crazy for God
I found this interview with Frank about the book by somebody that is mentioned in the book. I thought it was interesting.
Have you read the book yet?
12.09.2007
12.06.2007
WTF??!!
How can I not be profoundly annoyed and use such strong txt-speak for the fact that our local news spent the first full 5 minutes of their 10pm broadcast informing the viewing audience that the Razorbacks still don't have football coach? Are you kidding me?
Usually I'm just blissfully oblivious to society's ridiculous preoccupation with organized sports and at most I may get mildly annoyed. However...
We're at war. We're starting into an election year. Gas prices are soaring and car manufacturers are still getting rich off people who go way into debt to drive vehicles that get a whopping 10 mpg. A 19 year old kid just killed 9 people in a mall. It's cold outside. I saw people standing on the side of the road with signs asking for help on the way home today. I'm trying to teach an alarming number of 7th graders who barely read as well as nuffy's 4 year old son and I don't know how I'm going to pay my dental bills. I don't care what you talk about, just talk about something more important than lamenting not being able to hire some guy for $X million to coach f-ing football. For the love of pete, grab just the tiniest bit of perspective.
Are you kidding me?
Usually I'm just blissfully oblivious to society's ridiculous preoccupation with organized sports and at most I may get mildly annoyed. However...
We're at war. We're starting into an election year. Gas prices are soaring and car manufacturers are still getting rich off people who go way into debt to drive vehicles that get a whopping 10 mpg. A 19 year old kid just killed 9 people in a mall. It's cold outside. I saw people standing on the side of the road with signs asking for help on the way home today. I'm trying to teach an alarming number of 7th graders who barely read as well as nuffy's 4 year old son and I don't know how I'm going to pay my dental bills. I don't care what you talk about, just talk about something more important than lamenting not being able to hire some guy for $X million to coach f-ing football. For the love of pete, grab just the tiniest bit of perspective.
Are you kidding me?
Crazy for God: How I Grew Up as One of the Elect, Helped Found the Religious Right, and Lived to Take All (or Almost All) of It Back
Crazy for God: How I Grew Up as One of the Elect, Helped Found the Religious Right, and Lived to Take All (or Almost All) of It Back
Anybody who has ever paid any attention to this blog knows that I am a fan of fiction. I'm pretty sure that I've read some other memoir, but I can't actually think of another at the moment. So, it is with great enthusiasm that I recommend this particular book to just about anybody that may actually read this blog. I'm seriously inhaling it.
I think that this book will make exactly a half dozen of Frank Schaeffer's books that I've read. I LOVE his Calvin Becker trilogy, and it's not far off to say that his two books, "Sham Pearls Before Real Swine" and "Addicted to Mediocrity" have had profound influence on my personal beliefs about art and creativity. I think the only book by his father, Francis, that I've actually read, is actually two rather short essays collected in a short volume called simply, "Art & the Bible". I has been formative to me as well.
The title really tells you what's in store. As I understand it, Frank made his escape from evangelicalism and converted to Greek Orthodox. (I've got about 50 pages left to the book, and he hasn't said anything about that yet.)
I had heard about the book, and then James said that he'd started reading it. I got it from the library and can't put it down. There are so many people that I would like to have read this.
I had a quote from the book that I thought about typing in, but I have to go to bed right now. Maybe some other time. If you read it, let me know what you think.
Anybody who has ever paid any attention to this blog knows that I am a fan of fiction. I'm pretty sure that I've read some other memoir, but I can't actually think of another at the moment. So, it is with great enthusiasm that I recommend this particular book to just about anybody that may actually read this blog. I'm seriously inhaling it.
I think that this book will make exactly a half dozen of Frank Schaeffer's books that I've read. I LOVE his Calvin Becker trilogy, and it's not far off to say that his two books, "Sham Pearls Before Real Swine" and "Addicted to Mediocrity" have had profound influence on my personal beliefs about art and creativity. I think the only book by his father, Francis, that I've actually read, is actually two rather short essays collected in a short volume called simply, "Art & the Bible". I has been formative to me as well.
The title really tells you what's in store. As I understand it, Frank made his escape from evangelicalism and converted to Greek Orthodox. (I've got about 50 pages left to the book, and he hasn't said anything about that yet.)
I had heard about the book, and then James said that he'd started reading it. I got it from the library and can't put it down. There are so many people that I would like to have read this.
I had a quote from the book that I thought about typing in, but I have to go to bed right now. Maybe some other time. If you read it, let me know what you think.
11.27.2007
Cocktails & Dreams...
Just kidding with the title. But you get 10 points if you can name the movie reference.
I'm feeling kind of weird. I really felt like I just needed some down time and that t-giving would be perfect to get me excited or at least more interested in this whole teaching business and carry me through Christmas break. What I didn't count on was that going back after those few days off would be so difficult. If anything, I feel more tired and more wore out than before break.
I also spent a little bit of time with an old friend that I've not talked to since I started teaching. She asked a little bit about teaching, but kept asking me questions about what I'm doing with "my music" these days and H has told me that this friend worries that teaching will keep me from what I'm "supposed" to be doing. On one hand, it's really nice to hear that somebody really thinks that writing/recording/performing is what I'm "meant" to do. On the other hand, I'm finding very little motivation to pursue those endeavors.
It's been like that. I don't know why, but I feel this compulsion to be evasive and vague about my music "career" with everybody I deal with in my new setting. I don't want students to find my web-site/myspace/blog or hear any of my recordings and I am reticent to talk about any of that with my new colleagues/friends. On the other hand, I don't think I've even been to Arsaga's since August and I've been to the studio probably 3 times since July. I have a co-writer that wants to write with me, and we've actually come up with some good stuff so far, but I can't help that other things get in the way and when they do, I'm not overly upset about it.
Sometimes I think that I just need to not worry about it and not push any of the music right now. That was the whole point of starting to teach: to take the pressure of making money off making music. Now, I just need to take the pressure off making music period. I keep telling myself that once I'm in the groove of teaching and I'm not so distracted, I'll pick it back up and write and play what I want.
Then I wrestle with the same little voice that is the source of all writer's block. To the writer, it whispers: "what if you never come up with a good idea again?" It's sitting on my shoulder saying that but also: "if you really just give up music, what if you never pick it up again?"
I think this is most scary because it questions the identity that I've always thought of myself. That doesn't make it any easier.
I'm feeling kind of weird. I really felt like I just needed some down time and that t-giving would be perfect to get me excited or at least more interested in this whole teaching business and carry me through Christmas break. What I didn't count on was that going back after those few days off would be so difficult. If anything, I feel more tired and more wore out than before break.
I also spent a little bit of time with an old friend that I've not talked to since I started teaching. She asked a little bit about teaching, but kept asking me questions about what I'm doing with "my music" these days and H has told me that this friend worries that teaching will keep me from what I'm "supposed" to be doing. On one hand, it's really nice to hear that somebody really thinks that writing/recording/performing is what I'm "meant" to do. On the other hand, I'm finding very little motivation to pursue those endeavors.
It's been like that. I don't know why, but I feel this compulsion to be evasive and vague about my music "career" with everybody I deal with in my new setting. I don't want students to find my web-site/myspace/blog or hear any of my recordings and I am reticent to talk about any of that with my new colleagues/friends. On the other hand, I don't think I've even been to Arsaga's since August and I've been to the studio probably 3 times since July. I have a co-writer that wants to write with me, and we've actually come up with some good stuff so far, but I can't help that other things get in the way and when they do, I'm not overly upset about it.
Sometimes I think that I just need to not worry about it and not push any of the music right now. That was the whole point of starting to teach: to take the pressure of making money off making music. Now, I just need to take the pressure off making music period. I keep telling myself that once I'm in the groove of teaching and I'm not so distracted, I'll pick it back up and write and play what I want.
Then I wrestle with the same little voice that is the source of all writer's block. To the writer, it whispers: "what if you never come up with a good idea again?" It's sitting on my shoulder saying that but also: "if you really just give up music, what if you never pick it up again?"
I think this is most scary because it questions the identity that I've always thought of myself. That doesn't make it any easier.
11.25.2007
she has the highest midi-chlorian count I've ever seen...
On Saturday, my lovely wife decided it was time to put up Christmas decorations. This means I help get them down from the attic and she goes at it.
It was fun watching "Itchy" (that's another new thing, if you ask her what her name is she says "Itchy") looking at the tree and the lights and ornaments and pointing them and naming them. She's good at spotting Mickey Mouse and Snowmen, but she doesn't know who Santa Claus is yet.
H had put a number of ornaments around the bottom of the tree that Itchy could reach including a Luke Skywalker Christmas ornament with blue light saber drawn and wearing his bespin fatigues. I always thought this was his coolest garb.
Anyway, Itchy found Luke and started saying, "Daddy! Daddy!" and kissing the action figure.
I don't really think there's anything left to say about that.
It was fun watching "Itchy" (that's another new thing, if you ask her what her name is she says "Itchy") looking at the tree and the lights and ornaments and pointing them and naming them. She's good at spotting Mickey Mouse and Snowmen, but she doesn't know who Santa Claus is yet.
H had put a number of ornaments around the bottom of the tree that Itchy could reach including a Luke Skywalker Christmas ornament with blue light saber drawn and wearing his bespin fatigues. I always thought this was his coolest garb.
Anyway, Itchy found Luke and started saying, "Daddy! Daddy!" and kissing the action figure.
I don't really think there's anything left to say about that.
11.01.2007
a couple more thoughts...
I wouldn't want to say "retractions", but maybe a couple of clarifications:
1) My rant may not suggest it, but I have no problem with somebody reading theological/philosophical non-fiction. In fact, I think it's probably good for you in helping you reflect on your own life and your own beliefs. What I get annoyed about is when that is ALL it seems a person will read/think about/discuss. This seems WAY out of balance. Jeff made some particularly clear comments on this subject. He probably even said what I meant to say better than I actually did. So, check that out.
2) I read t-rev's comment a couple of days ago, and I'm being too lazy to go back and re-read it to comment on some things he said specifically, but here's some responses that I remember:
Yes, writing "worship music" (and I'm referring to the most simplistic definition of this) is and should be much more concrete in its terminology and "craft" if you will. Consequently, I'm not sure that you can have really "good art" in a worship song. I wrestle with this. And it opens a huge can of worms in terms of "good art" vs. "bad art", but I don't really want to go there.
When I was younger, I was told the the highest aspiration or highest purpose of the art of songwriting would be writing praise and worship songs. I have all kinds of problems with this statement now, and I'm not sure if I really bought it to begin with. And I don't really want to go there right now, either. (I'm tired and lazy.)
My point here is that Mockingbird was NOT a Praise & Worship record. If it were, I would be evaluating it by a different set of criteria. I would say its purpose was to be an "artistic" statement and in that regard, I believe it failed horribly. I would contend that it was definitely a statement, but feebly artistic if at all. And again, I say that even though I agreed with most of what he had to say. I just think that if he's going to say it in the way he did (lacking poetry/nuance/etc.), he should write a brochure or booklet or something instead of a record.
I felt the same way a couple of years ago about Allanis Morrissette. (spelling?) I had read in an interview that she'd decided that she didn't talk or think in meter or rhyming, so she decided that her songs didn't need to either. I'm sorry but that's not really songwriting to me. I'd call it writing that you sing. And if it's just writing, why don't you just write for somebody to read.
I realize that my ideas of songwriting are not the same as others'. Some want more structure and more craft than I do. Some want less. I'm ok with that. I'm just saying that Mockingbird does not fit my definition of good songwriting craft and/or art.
P.S. Thanks for commenting. I really didn't know if anybody looked at this anymore.
1) My rant may not suggest it, but I have no problem with somebody reading theological/philosophical non-fiction. In fact, I think it's probably good for you in helping you reflect on your own life and your own beliefs. What I get annoyed about is when that is ALL it seems a person will read/think about/discuss. This seems WAY out of balance. Jeff made some particularly clear comments on this subject. He probably even said what I meant to say better than I actually did. So, check that out.
2) I read t-rev's comment a couple of days ago, and I'm being too lazy to go back and re-read it to comment on some things he said specifically, but here's some responses that I remember:
Yes, writing "worship music" (and I'm referring to the most simplistic definition of this) is and should be much more concrete in its terminology and "craft" if you will. Consequently, I'm not sure that you can have really "good art" in a worship song. I wrestle with this. And it opens a huge can of worms in terms of "good art" vs. "bad art", but I don't really want to go there.
When I was younger, I was told the the highest aspiration or highest purpose of the art of songwriting would be writing praise and worship songs. I have all kinds of problems with this statement now, and I'm not sure if I really bought it to begin with. And I don't really want to go there right now, either. (I'm tired and lazy.)
My point here is that Mockingbird was NOT a Praise & Worship record. If it were, I would be evaluating it by a different set of criteria. I would say its purpose was to be an "artistic" statement and in that regard, I believe it failed horribly. I would contend that it was definitely a statement, but feebly artistic if at all. And again, I say that even though I agreed with most of what he had to say. I just think that if he's going to say it in the way he did (lacking poetry/nuance/etc.), he should write a brochure or booklet or something instead of a record.
I felt the same way a couple of years ago about Allanis Morrissette. (spelling?) I had read in an interview that she'd decided that she didn't talk or think in meter or rhyming, so she decided that her songs didn't need to either. I'm sorry but that's not really songwriting to me. I'd call it writing that you sing. And if it's just writing, why don't you just write for somebody to read.
I realize that my ideas of songwriting are not the same as others'. Some want more structure and more craft than I do. Some want less. I'm ok with that. I'm just saying that Mockingbird does not fit my definition of good songwriting craft and/or art.
P.S. Thanks for commenting. I really didn't know if anybody looked at this anymore.
10.28.2007
a thought...
I know a number of people and check a number of blogs of people who like to populate their "recommended reading" lists with all kinds of books discussing theology, church growth, spiritual formation, spiritual disciplines and stuff like that.
It annoys the crap out of me. It just seems an outrageous waste of time and energy. (I must send out an apology to a couple of you that may read this. You know who you are.)
I mean, the people that I've known in my life that I have respected the most for their spiritual maturity and wisdom would never mention their personal theology. What impressed me about those people I can think of would be their humility, generosity, gentleness and honesty.
I just think most people don't care if you're 5 point Calvinist or Armenian. They don't care if you believe every word of the Left Behind books or if you even believe there is an actual hell or not.
I also think that when it's all said and done all this thought, study and discussion will be dust. It won't matter. Why in the world would anybody be sitting around in heaven talking about this stuff? Why should any body worry about it now?
What will be talking about if we make it to that point?
Stories...
It annoys the crap out of me. It just seems an outrageous waste of time and energy. (I must send out an apology to a couple of you that may read this. You know who you are.)
I mean, the people that I've known in my life that I have respected the most for their spiritual maturity and wisdom would never mention their personal theology. What impressed me about those people I can think of would be their humility, generosity, gentleness and honesty.
I just think most people don't care if you're 5 point Calvinist or Armenian. They don't care if you believe every word of the Left Behind books or if you even believe there is an actual hell or not.
I also think that when it's all said and done all this thought, study and discussion will be dust. It won't matter. Why in the world would anybody be sitting around in heaven talking about this stuff? Why should any body worry about it now?
What will be talking about if we make it to that point?
Stories...
10.24.2007
It’s An Audible Sigh: An Interview with Bill Mallonee (Part One)
Excerpt from my comment on the actual article:
I honestly think that Audible Sigh is the reason that I’ve never been able to embrace Wilco, SonVolt, or even Ryan Adams for that matter. Audible Sigh was really my first “alt-country” experience and all those other “alt-country” tagged artists/bands/albums just don’t even come close.
It’s also interesting and heart-breaking to read Bill’s assessment of his place (or lack thereof) in the music industry. I think his assumptions are spot on. For all their talking and posturing, posers like Derek Webb and Caedmon’s Call are not really as far removed from Casting Crowns and Mercy Me as they (or their audiences)would like to think. It’s just that they’re a little hipper about it.
For that matter, I recently read an interview with Don Chaffer (it may have been here) where Don even admitted that looking back, waterdeep was guilty of following the CCM money/fanbase a little bit and he seemed to carry some regret about where WD ended up artistically because of it.
What is even more abhorrent is the fact that the CCM community not only did NOT support true artistic endeavor like V.O.L., but that there was just enough of an association to hinder V.O.L. from making headway with the No Depression crowd.
It seems that now, with Magazines like Paste, and webzines like the ooze and relevant, there would be more people open to embracing sincere artistry like Bill. Unfortunately, if you spend any time reading those zines, you’ll find they’re just as likely to embrace mindless drek like Tomlin, Webb or Agnew.
Bill, like Mark Heard or Van Goh, seems just too serious and sincere about living out his art authentically to build a fan base that could sustain livelihood. This is not a criticism. It is an awed observation. I struggle to reconcile this with God’s design for art’s place in human existence. All I can can do is cling to the belief that God’s economy is not man’s.
The only thing I didn't mention in my comment is that I do have to disagree with Bill on one point. His self-editing is not as stringent as he contends. Over the course of his albums, he's got a number of filler. Especially over the solo records. I think I have 4 or 5 of them, and would say there might be one album's worth of quality songs. His going solo and doing the "homespun" records has given him the freedom to release material quickly and easily. Unfortunately, if he were limited to 1 record every year or so, I think his output would be of higher quality.
What is it with alt-country guys? This is the same problem Ryan Adams has except that he's yet to put out a masterpiece like Audible Sigh. IMHO
I love you, Bill. I wonder if you might be happier if you let your art be your passion rather than continuing to beat your head against the wall trying to make it your vocation. I only say that because that's where I'm at and trying to be. It's not easy and it's not fun and I sometimes have severe doubts, but I've yet to give up on the possibility.
10.14.2007
bloggity
quick blogs:
-This week is the 9th week of school. I have to turn in grades for report cards at the end of this week. I've got a lot of assignments that I need to get graded. I'm not as far behind as I would expect, but I am a little behind.
-Next week, after report cards, I have my first parent-teacher conferences. I'm not real worried, but maybe I should be.
-I played the first gig I've had in months. I traded sets with Brasher, but otherwise it was completely solo acoustic. Oh yea, mr. powers was in town, so I got him to come up and play on a few songs. Good news was that Brasher and I both got $100. Bad news is that there was next to nobody there. That's what you get when you have a couple of 30-somethings playing folky-singer-songwriter material in a bar for 3 hours on a Saturday night. Oh yea, and the Razorbacks lost, so most who might have come out were too depressed. I had fun with Brasher though.
-I have really only 2 students that ruin my teaching experience. I've figured out how to deal with every other problem, but these two constantly fight me and I don't know what to do with them. It's frustrating because I really love the rest of my students and am enjoying teaching. I know that I'm lucky that it's only 2, but I still have to figure out how to deal with those two.
-Read a NY Times bestseller that I've seen a lot of the middle school girls reading called "Twilight". It's a teenage vampire story. I can totally see how adolescent girls would get into it, but I thought it was pretty ridiculous.
-Started reading another book that I book for the kiddos called "House of the Scorpion". It's pretty good. I'll let you know when I finish.
-Unfortunately, I'm not getting very much reading in.
-I've written most of two songs with another songwriter I know. This is exciting just because I've done something. One of the songs seems really commercial but kind of boring to me personally. The other might be pretty great, but it still needs finished.
-baby-shack is awesome. I love her so much and hate leaving her to go to school everyday.
-wifey-shack takes care of me beyond what I deserve.
-time is moving very fast.
-This week is the 9th week of school. I have to turn in grades for report cards at the end of this week. I've got a lot of assignments that I need to get graded. I'm not as far behind as I would expect, but I am a little behind.
-Next week, after report cards, I have my first parent-teacher conferences. I'm not real worried, but maybe I should be.
-I played the first gig I've had in months. I traded sets with Brasher, but otherwise it was completely solo acoustic. Oh yea, mr. powers was in town, so I got him to come up and play on a few songs. Good news was that Brasher and I both got $100. Bad news is that there was next to nobody there. That's what you get when you have a couple of 30-somethings playing folky-singer-songwriter material in a bar for 3 hours on a Saturday night. Oh yea, and the Razorbacks lost, so most who might have come out were too depressed. I had fun with Brasher though.
-I have really only 2 students that ruin my teaching experience. I've figured out how to deal with every other problem, but these two constantly fight me and I don't know what to do with them. It's frustrating because I really love the rest of my students and am enjoying teaching. I know that I'm lucky that it's only 2, but I still have to figure out how to deal with those two.
-Read a NY Times bestseller that I've seen a lot of the middle school girls reading called "Twilight". It's a teenage vampire story. I can totally see how adolescent girls would get into it, but I thought it was pretty ridiculous.
-Started reading another book that I book for the kiddos called "House of the Scorpion". It's pretty good. I'll let you know when I finish.
-Unfortunately, I'm not getting very much reading in.
-I've written most of two songs with another songwriter I know. This is exciting just because I've done something. One of the songs seems really commercial but kind of boring to me personally. The other might be pretty great, but it still needs finished.
-baby-shack is awesome. I love her so much and hate leaving her to go to school everyday.
-wifey-shack takes care of me beyond what I deserve.
-time is moving very fast.
9.30.2007
the blogging english teacher (all lower-case letters are on PURPOSE!)
So, it's kind of weird. One of the things that I've been working on today is grading some Narrative Essays that my 7th graders had to turn in last week. We don't really have tests in that class, so these writing projects are pretty significant to their grades.
Anyway, after writing that last blog, I realized that I was being hyper critical and careful to use correct grammar and punctuation, etc. If you see something wrong, please don't tell me. I don't want to know. I also don't want to become an english/grammar/punctuation nazi in general, and I REALLY don't want to said nazi toward myself on my own blog.
In which case, i will not capitalize "i" with impunity.
Impunity...that might make for a good Word Of the Day for tomorrow...argh!
Anyway, after writing that last blog, I realized that I was being hyper critical and careful to use correct grammar and punctuation, etc. If you see something wrong, please don't tell me. I don't want to know. I also don't want to become an english/grammar/punctuation nazi in general, and I REALLY don't want to said nazi toward myself on my own blog.
In which case, i will not capitalize "i" with impunity.
Impunity...that might make for a good Word Of the Day for tomorrow...argh!
Fear Factor part II
Even after all my whining, Holly still took Ivy to Wichita for the weekend. (I know this weekend is a good time. I started my Saturday modules and so I wouldn't have had as much time with Ivy anyway. But still...)
So, now I've not seen my girls since I went to bed Thursday night. What can I say? I hate it. Now I not only have to deal with irrational fear that they're a long way away from me and I need them to come home to me safe, but I'm also lonely, bored and depressed!
To top it all off, after arriving in Wichita, H started feeling really crappy and running a temp. She's been in bed at our friends' in Wichita pretty much since Saturday evening. I'm torn because I REALLY want them to come home tomorrow and be here when I get home. But I also don't want H driving if she's feeling weak/sleepy/sick. argh!!! Damn these parental motivations! I lived so long without worrying about them.
It's almost 10:30. I've spent most of the day alternately procrastinating and actually accomplishing some much needed grading of homework. Now, I should get in there and make my own PB&J for my lunch tomorrow....man this sucks.
So, now I've not seen my girls since I went to bed Thursday night. What can I say? I hate it. Now I not only have to deal with irrational fear that they're a long way away from me and I need them to come home to me safe, but I'm also lonely, bored and depressed!
To top it all off, after arriving in Wichita, H started feeling really crappy and running a temp. She's been in bed at our friends' in Wichita pretty much since Saturday evening. I'm torn because I REALLY want them to come home tomorrow and be here when I get home. But I also don't want H driving if she's feeling weak/sleepy/sick. argh!!! Damn these parental motivations! I lived so long without worrying about them.
It's almost 10:30. I've spent most of the day alternately procrastinating and actually accomplishing some much needed grading of homework. Now, I should get in there and make my own PB&J for my lunch tomorrow....man this sucks.
9.18.2007
Fear Factor
When I was a kid, I was afraid that Jesus would come back before I got to see the final Star Wars movie. As of May 19th, 2005, that has no longer been a concern.
When I got a little bit older, I was worried that Jesus would come back before I could have sex. (Be shocked if you want, but I guarantee that all honest church boys have this concern at some point...I'm just sayin'....) I don't have to worry about this any more either.
The truth is that I don't think I've really felt afraid. I worried that something would happen that would cause me to miss a future experience, but the fear was never that I could die. Until now.
Now, I have to be here for the girl. I don't want to miss anything. I don't want her to grow up without me. I can't tolerate the idea that something could happen and that I'll miss seeing her grow up and knowing her as she becomes more and more her own person everyday.
Everything is more serious now. Driving on the bypass is a much bigger deal. Driving anywhere is a much bigger deal. Collapsing bridges and crashing semis, highway debris, drunk drivers and potentially psychotic overly disgruntled 7th and 8th graders with too much hunting experience haunt my sense of security.
I was warned about many things, but I don't think I was adequately warned as to how much more I'd have to confront fear in my life. It doesn't control me, but for the first time: it's there.
When I got a little bit older, I was worried that Jesus would come back before I could have sex. (Be shocked if you want, but I guarantee that all honest church boys have this concern at some point...I'm just sayin'....) I don't have to worry about this any more either.
The truth is that I don't think I've really felt afraid. I worried that something would happen that would cause me to miss a future experience, but the fear was never that I could die. Until now.
Now, I have to be here for the girl. I don't want to miss anything. I don't want her to grow up without me. I can't tolerate the idea that something could happen and that I'll miss seeing her grow up and knowing her as she becomes more and more her own person everyday.
Everything is more serious now. Driving on the bypass is a much bigger deal. Driving anywhere is a much bigger deal. Collapsing bridges and crashing semis, highway debris, drunk drivers and potentially psychotic overly disgruntled 7th and 8th graders with too much hunting experience haunt my sense of security.
I was warned about many things, but I don't think I was adequately warned as to how much more I'd have to confront fear in my life. It doesn't control me, but for the first time: it's there.
A What?! (tales from a 7th grade classroom-first entry. This is for James.)
So, in my first class class of the day, we're talking about our word of the
day: bedlam. (means chaos, confusion). We've already talked about
what the word means and I ask: "What would be some situations or
settings that you would expect there to be bedlam?
I get a couple of kids raise their hands and they say, "war" or an
earthquake or a tsunami. And then I call on this one kid and he says:
"A gangbang!"
I have no idea what my face looked like. I was a deer in headlights with my jaw hitting the floor. Then he said, "you know, like a bank robbery or something..." I say: "Ok...yes, like a bank robbery or something like that...." Whew!
I'm glad that 7th graders are pretty innocent for the most part. The
other day we were talking about plot and I had to talk about "climax".
I knew then that they didn't know otherwise or I would have had
snickers.
day: bedlam. (means chaos, confusion). We've already talked about
what the word means and I ask: "What would be some situations or
settings that you would expect there to be bedlam?
I get a couple of kids raise their hands and they say, "war" or an
earthquake or a tsunami. And then I call on this one kid and he says:
"A gangbang!"
I have no idea what my face looked like. I was a deer in headlights with my jaw hitting the floor. Then he said, "you know, like a bank robbery or something..." I say: "Ok...yes, like a bank robbery or something like that...." Whew!
I'm glad that 7th graders are pretty innocent for the most part. The
other day we were talking about plot and I had to talk about "climax".
I knew then that they didn't know otherwise or I would have had
snickers.
8.28.2007
We [shouldn't] live as exegetes.
Rustin linked this interview from his blog. He highlighted a different part, but this jumped out at me:
-Eugene Peterson, interview here
"The importance of poetry and novels is that the Christian life involves the use of the imagination, after all, we are dealing with the invisible. And, imagination is our training in dealing with the invisible, making connections, looking for plot and character. I don't want to do away with or denigrate theology or exegesis, but our primary allies in this business are the artists. I want literature to be on par with those other things. They need to be brought in as full partners in this whole business. The arts reflect where we live, we live in narrative, we live in story. We don't live as exegetes."
-Eugene Peterson, interview here
8.26.2007
week #1 accomplished
I know many have asked how my first week of teaching went. I don't have time to go into any big stories right now, but I feel really good about it.
I think that I've got a great bunch of students. There's a couple that may end up being handfuls, but nothing that doesn't seem manageable at this point. I think they're understanding that I mean what I say and that I'm going to hold them to the expectations I have for them. But I also think they're understanding that I'm as much about getting the work done so we can play as they are.
I'll keep you posted.
I think that I've got a great bunch of students. There's a couple that may end up being handfuls, but nothing that doesn't seem manageable at this point. I think they're understanding that I mean what I say and that I'm going to hold them to the expectations I have for them. But I also think they're understanding that I'm as much about getting the work done so we can play as they are.
I'll keep you posted.
36
Today, I begin leaving my "mid-30's" and start heading into my "late-30's". This morning, Holly said, "I remember you being depressed on your 20th birthday..." I said, "Oh really? You mean 16 years ago?" Wow. I'm a whole driving teenager older than 20.
For a lot of my life, I measured my age and my level of success by that age by comparing myself to the late Rich Mullins. He put out his first non-independent record at about age 32. I've stopped using that as my measure of success for a number of reasons. 1) I didn't make it. but, 2) by the time I was 32, I didn't want to put out a non-independent record if it meant putting it out to feed the Christian bubl-I mean sub-culture. 3) Rich died tragically at 42. Not a good omen.
Even though I'm not rolling in $$ from music royalties, and few of my CDs have ever gone much further than my own hand, I'm still pretty proud of some of my accomplishments in music.
-2005 NAMA award for best singer/songwriter
-Individual Artist Fellowship from the Arkansas Arts Council for music composition in 2003.
-Gypsy Heart earned me a lot of respect as a songwriter and producer from a (non-christian) community of songwriters/musicians that I look up to and respect immensely.
-I've put out a number of other CDs that have spoken to different people at different times and I've actually heard back from those connections.
-There are a number of CDs that I've produced for other artists that I'm very proud to say that I produced. Not least of which would be my sister's CD.
-Any boxes containing unsold CDs that I have in my garage are completely paid for. There are plenty of independent musicians that can't say that.
These are just some of the musical accomplishments that I hold onto in my life. But, I'm even more proud of the fact that in following my musical aspirations I have still:
-built a number of long lasting friendships and relationships in my life. Some of the BEST experiences I've had in making records have been because I've been able to make records with really outstanding people to hang out with. I don't have any regrets of promoting myself or my music or putting those desires over relationships with others. I don't have to regret how I treated people to claw my way up the ladder.
-been faithful to and built a solid relationship with a beautiful, wonderful wife of 14 years. Even in spite of most of that time traveling and working together 24/7, we still have fun and enjoy each other's friendship and company.
-had a beautiful, healthy, baby girl to raise and love with my wife.
-succeeded in taking on the challenge of actually changing careers and have even survived a whole week in my new position as 7th grade teacher.
It seems natural to me that I should take a birthday as opportunity to look at my life and consider how I feel about what I've accomplished so far. This is an abbreviated list, but it still makes me feel pretty good. Now, if about 20-30 lbs. would just go away...
I know that when I was in 7th and 8th grade, I dreamed of being the next Michael W. Smith. I can honestly say, thank heaven that dream didn't come true. (That's actually my friend, Mark.)
For a lot of my life, I measured my age and my level of success by that age by comparing myself to the late Rich Mullins. He put out his first non-independent record at about age 32. I've stopped using that as my measure of success for a number of reasons. 1) I didn't make it. but, 2) by the time I was 32, I didn't want to put out a non-independent record if it meant putting it out to feed the Christian bubl-I mean sub-culture. 3) Rich died tragically at 42. Not a good omen.
Even though I'm not rolling in $$ from music royalties, and few of my CDs have ever gone much further than my own hand, I'm still pretty proud of some of my accomplishments in music.
-2005 NAMA award for best singer/songwriter
-Individual Artist Fellowship from the Arkansas Arts Council for music composition in 2003.
-Gypsy Heart earned me a lot of respect as a songwriter and producer from a (non-christian) community of songwriters/musicians that I look up to and respect immensely.
-I've put out a number of other CDs that have spoken to different people at different times and I've actually heard back from those connections.
-There are a number of CDs that I've produced for other artists that I'm very proud to say that I produced. Not least of which would be my sister's CD.
-Any boxes containing unsold CDs that I have in my garage are completely paid for. There are plenty of independent musicians that can't say that.
These are just some of the musical accomplishments that I hold onto in my life. But, I'm even more proud of the fact that in following my musical aspirations I have still:
-built a number of long lasting friendships and relationships in my life. Some of the BEST experiences I've had in making records have been because I've been able to make records with really outstanding people to hang out with. I don't have any regrets of promoting myself or my music or putting those desires over relationships with others. I don't have to regret how I treated people to claw my way up the ladder.
-been faithful to and built a solid relationship with a beautiful, wonderful wife of 14 years. Even in spite of most of that time traveling and working together 24/7, we still have fun and enjoy each other's friendship and company.
-had a beautiful, healthy, baby girl to raise and love with my wife.
-succeeded in taking on the challenge of actually changing careers and have even survived a whole week in my new position as 7th grade teacher.
It seems natural to me that I should take a birthday as opportunity to look at my life and consider how I feel about what I've accomplished so far. This is an abbreviated list, but it still makes me feel pretty good. Now, if about 20-30 lbs. would just go away...
I know that when I was in 7th and 8th grade, I dreamed of being the next Michael W. Smith. I can honestly say, thank heaven that dream didn't come true. (That's actually my friend, Mark.)
8.15.2007
14 years !?
The day I gave H a ring and we announced that we were getting married, I was a wreck. All day long we were getting congratulations and "Oh, I knew it!" "You belong together!" blah blah blah. I tried to smile and act like I was excited, but I was scared to death.
I was 21 years old. I liked girls a lot. I liked to flirt a lot. To be honest, I thought maybe I was too young and thought maybe I should keep myself untethered and sow a few more wild oats before settling down. What if somebody else came along later who was better? Hotter? ?
These are the thoughts/questions of an idiot; A very lucky idiot.
The night we made that announcement, after Holly had gone home and I was back in my room, I sat down and wrote a list all the reasons I could think of why we'd make a good married couple. Also, a friend who I looked up to a lot talked to me about what made him decide to get married. He said that he was really worried about the whole thing. He kept asking himself all these "what if" questions. The fact is, I probably have met somebody else in my life that I could marry and be happy with. I probably will meet somebody else in my life again. But that's not the point of marriage. Marriage is a decision to commit and say, "this is it. This is the one. I'm going to stick with this one no matter what else comes along."
This doesn't seem particularly romantic in the way hollywood would have us understand romance. I can imagine some people reading this and mistakenly thinking: "wow, that's really sad. What about passion? What about the breathless feeling that happens with infatuation? Why would I want to give up the opportunity for that by tying myself down?" And I'd say that's part of the mystery of it all that's not too unlike what I've been experiencing the last 15+ months with Ivy. The fact is what I have gained far outweighs any "opportunities" that I may or may not be available for anymore.
I don't really think this blog is written very well and I imagine some could read this and think it's particularly unromantic. But what I'm trying to say is that I have been so blessed by my wife. She's smart in ways that I am not. She's joyful in ways that I am not and helps me to be more joyful. She's strong in ways that I am not and she supports me when I need it. She is loving in ways that I am not, and yet continues to love me even when I do poorly at loving her back in the ways that she needs.
I can't believe that we've been married for 14 years now. That's a long time. And to think that we still get along, we still have fun, we still work things out together, we still laugh and we know each other better than anybody else and yet still want to hang around each other. One of the most fun things of my marriage is to be in the same house as Holly while she's watching America's Funniest Home videos all by herself.
And now, we've made this gorgeous little girl who's bound us together as 3 instead of 2. Add to everything else that she's a great mom to Ivy.
I know that I've said it before, but I am blessed beyond measure or reason. I'm looking forward to the next 14 years and more.
I was 21 years old. I liked girls a lot. I liked to flirt a lot. To be honest, I thought maybe I was too young and thought maybe I should keep myself untethered and sow a few more wild oats before settling down. What if somebody else came along later who was better? Hotter? ?
These are the thoughts/questions of an idiot; A very lucky idiot.
The night we made that announcement, after Holly had gone home and I was back in my room, I sat down and wrote a list all the reasons I could think of why we'd make a good married couple. Also, a friend who I looked up to a lot talked to me about what made him decide to get married. He said that he was really worried about the whole thing. He kept asking himself all these "what if" questions. The fact is, I probably have met somebody else in my life that I could marry and be happy with. I probably will meet somebody else in my life again. But that's not the point of marriage. Marriage is a decision to commit and say, "this is it. This is the one. I'm going to stick with this one no matter what else comes along."
This doesn't seem particularly romantic in the way hollywood would have us understand romance. I can imagine some people reading this and mistakenly thinking: "wow, that's really sad. What about passion? What about the breathless feeling that happens with infatuation? Why would I want to give up the opportunity for that by tying myself down?" And I'd say that's part of the mystery of it all that's not too unlike what I've been experiencing the last 15+ months with Ivy. The fact is what I have gained far outweighs any "opportunities" that I may or may not be available for anymore.
I don't really think this blog is written very well and I imagine some could read this and think it's particularly unromantic. But what I'm trying to say is that I have been so blessed by my wife. She's smart in ways that I am not. She's joyful in ways that I am not and helps me to be more joyful. She's strong in ways that I am not and she supports me when I need it. She is loving in ways that I am not, and yet continues to love me even when I do poorly at loving her back in the ways that she needs.
I can't believe that we've been married for 14 years now. That's a long time. And to think that we still get along, we still have fun, we still work things out together, we still laugh and we know each other better than anybody else and yet still want to hang around each other. One of the most fun things of my marriage is to be in the same house as Holly while she's watching America's Funniest Home videos all by herself.
And now, we've made this gorgeous little girl who's bound us together as 3 instead of 2. Add to everything else that she's a great mom to Ivy.
I know that I've said it before, but I am blessed beyond measure or reason. I'm looking forward to the next 14 years and more.
8.10.2007
I finally found it.
I've been looking for this quote for some time. I knew that Lewis said something like this, but haven't read the book. I nabbed it from another guy's blog (check out the link).
"Now as myth transcends thought, Incarnation transcends myth. The heart of Christianity is a myth which is also a fact. The old myth of the Dying God, without ceasing to be myth comes down from the heaven of legend and imagination to the earth of history. It happens–at a particular date, in a particular place, followed by definable historical consequences. We pass from a Balder or an Osiris, dying nobody knows when or where, to a historical Person crucified (it is all in order) under Pontius Pilate. By becoming fact it does not cease to be myth: that is the miracle."
~C.S. Lewis, God in the Dock, “Myth Became Fact” (1944)
I have to try to keep myself from reading what many Christians write about Harry Potter. I have never seen justification for condemning the books from anybody who has actually read them. Why? Because it would be even more ludicrous, illogical and/0r dishonest than the current ignorant condemnations.
I am also shocked and appalled to hear of people like Chuck Colson or James Dobson, who KNOW what kind of influence they have over so many people, would continue to berate these stories. Dobson and Colson have made comments that truly seem to indicate that they've never read the books either. If they have, I don't know whether to be more disturbed poor thinking of these "intellectual" leaders, or the thought that they maintain this position in order to maintain the devotion of their "congregations".
Oh man. This gets me so fired up I can't stop.
8.05.2007
God Bless Brian McLaren
I thank God for Brian McLaren all the time. I wish that he would have been far enough along on his journey to have already shared his ideas by the early-mid 90's. I wish that I would have been smart/mature enough to start asking those questions by that time instead of really running into them in the late '90s early '00s. If I would have asked those questions sooner, and he would have provided this new way of thinking sooner in my life, I can think of many conversations that would have gone very differently and I would carry way less regret for those same conversations.
I get sick to death of people trying to impress me with how "deeply" and "pervasively" they think about, read about, debate about, expound about theology. Frankly, it seems like a waste of time and energy and I really wonder if that's really what God wants from any of us. I'm pretty sure it's NOT what he wants from me. (he might want a little more of my consideration, I'm just saying...)
But, McLaren frames this whole life of faith in language I understand and agree with. I know that I shouldn't read only one person and should expose myself to other people that would challenge my thinking, but the fact of the matter is that McLaren does challenge me in the ways that I want to be challenged.
I get sick to death of people trying to impress me with how "deeply" and "pervasively" they think about, read about, debate about, expound about theology. Frankly, it seems like a waste of time and energy and I really wonder if that's really what God wants from any of us. I'm pretty sure it's NOT what he wants from me. (he might want a little more of my consideration, I'm just saying...)
But, McLaren frames this whole life of faith in language I understand and agree with. I know that I shouldn't read only one person and should expose myself to other people that would challenge my thinking, but the fact of the matter is that McLaren does challenge me in the ways that I want to be challenged.
7.30.2007
Random Facts Meme
I was tagged by Rustin to participate in the following meme… so here are the rules:
1. players start with 8 random facts about themselves.
2. those who are tagged should post these rules and their 8 random facts.
3. players should tag 8 other people and notify them they have been tagged.
I still don't know why this is called a "meme" and I hope this doesn't mean that I'm signing up for some weird club but this is what I've come up with:
- My athletic abilities are restricted to activities that may be interesting to some (well... me for instance), but don't make you popular when you're growing up in a tiny town in Northwest Kansas. I'm better than most people I've ever met at things like: Knife throwing, Tomahawk throwing, hackey sack (solo), whip cracking, boomerang throwing (and catching) and juggling. I'm also good with a frisbee, but again, there were no teams...
- Although I love to read now, my dad was always bugging me to read when I was in grade school because there were always these book clubs and reading contests in school and he was the school librarian after all.
- When I first started college, I was about 5'10" and weighed between 115-120 pounds. (pure muscle!) I had really long bangs with a blonde streak in it that I got put in the summer after I graduated from high school after fighting with my dad about it. At the small college I went to, I considered it a triumph to find out that many people thought I was from California instead of Northwest Kansas.
- Nightcrawler is my favorite X-man. When I was in 4th grade, my friends who were a year older than me introduced me to the X-men and Dungeons and Dragons. We were all assigned X-men code names. Adam was Colossus, Tim was Wolverine, Sean was Cyclops and I was obviously Nightcrawler. Just another reason why X-men 3 sucked beyond comprehension...where did he go?
- From about 4th grade through High School, I started reading the Fellowship of the Ring about 6 times and finally got all the way through it once. But I didn't have the energy to even start the Two Towers. I always felt like such a loser because all my friends (x-men) had read the Lord of the Rings multiple times and had even read the Silmarillian. When we played D&D, and they started arguing about sources for the game that came from Tolkien's masterpiece, I just pretended like I knew what they were talking about. I finally completed the trilogy AND the Silmarillion after the first movie came out.
- When I was in 8th grade I set a school record for pole vaulting 10' 6" high in a track meet. I loved to pole vault and that was the only reason I went out for track in the first place, because I really don't like to run. If I could go find a pole vault pit and pole somewhere that they'd let me, I'd go out and pole vault for fun. But again, that's one of those things that you just don't find at work out gyms... As you get better at pole vaulting, you start using heavier and heavier poles so that there's more stored energy in the pole as you bend it. I kept going up it pole weight, but got to the point where I'd bend the pole and it would shoot me straight up in the air because I couldn't run fast enough to build forward momentum to go over. So, to get better I was going to have to start running faster. I didn't go out for track after my Freshman year. It's been a long time since I've checked, but to my knowledge the 8th grade record stands.
- In actuality, I am a perfectionist. For example: my wife is always amazed when I fold clothes because she thinks they're so perfect when I do it. I don't agree with her. In fact, that's why I hate folding clothes: I can't get them perfect. Unfortunately, the prominent motivation in my life that always over rides my perfectionism is my laziness.
- When I was 27 and the music started at the midnight showing of "The Phantom Menace" on opening night, I cried.
Jake
Bill McNeil
Languisher
celia
That's all I've got and I resorted to myspace... sorry.
7.13.2007
The rest of the story...
(if you haven't already, you need to go down and read the previous post "The setup of low expectations...)
First, James and I get to Arsaga's and find my friend, Keith, waiting for us in the parking lot. I had mentioned the gig to Keith on Wednesday night at a 4th of July party, and he'd asked if he came if he could play. At the time, I told him to plan on it. Now, Keith is a world-class musician/songwriter/bassist who travels all the time, and I didn't really expect that on one of his few weekends off, he'd want to 1) come to my little coffee house gig 2)Actually want to play with me. Imagine my surprise to find him already there and waiting on us, with my songs all charted out and ready to play!
So, we get set up and start playing. Keith is awesome! I always forget just how much a really good bass player can fill out the sound, even w/o a lot of drums playing with him. Because Keith had actually done some preparation for the gig, I stuck pretty close to originals with the few covers being real crow-pleasers. Well, I start realizing there there are quite a few people in the place and they're having a good time and really paying attention to what we're doing. A number of people that I knew showed up that don't regularly show up for Arsaga's gigs. So, people were actually coming and staying. I'd taken decongestants and tylenol before the gig, and so I was feeling ok and sounding ok. James was doing great and we were just really having a fun time! Because we were doing mostly originals and covers that I've been doing for quite some time, Holly stayed on stage most the night and gave us some rhythm and sang the two songs that she sings lead on. Sound seemed just about right: Loud enough, but not blaring.
Ivy is sitting at a table right up front with some friends and is just eating up the attention. At one point, I was coaching the crowd on "Sha-la-la" words they're supposed to sing with me, and I tell Ivy that I can't hear her. Right on cue, she jabbers so the whole place can hear: "la-la-la-la..." It brought the house down!
As if that weren't all enough and really the most fun. With about 20 minutes left, another friend, Keith's partner, Ezra, jumps to the stage and takes over Holly's dumbek. He's beating the crap out of it and it sounds AWESOME! He stays up for the rest of the set on dumbek and we end up playing an impromptu U2 medley of "Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" and "Where the Streets have no Name" with Keith wailing on bass and Ezra rocking out on dumbek. IT WAS AWESOME!
To top it all off, I made the most possible from the drawer, did well with tips, and sold 7 CDs! (I think 4 CDs sold at an Arsaga's gig was my previous record.)
So, even though I came in with such low expectations, it easily turned into the best Arsaga's gig I've ever played. The fact that these great songwriters, Keith and Ezra, not only like and respect my music, they even enjoy playing it with me is a huge vote of confidence and affirmation to me as a songwriter/musician.
It seems like a perfect time to take a break. It's not that I'm never going to play Arsaga's again. It's just that I'd like to write some more songs, maybe get a new project recorded and come back with a whole new set. That's the plan at this point. I don't know if I'll cut back to playing just once a quarter or what. We'll just see.
Thank you to everybody who came out the other night and made it such a blast!
First, James and I get to Arsaga's and find my friend, Keith, waiting for us in the parking lot. I had mentioned the gig to Keith on Wednesday night at a 4th of July party, and he'd asked if he came if he could play. At the time, I told him to plan on it. Now, Keith is a world-class musician/songwriter/bassist who travels all the time, and I didn't really expect that on one of his few weekends off, he'd want to 1) come to my little coffee house gig 2)Actually want to play with me. Imagine my surprise to find him already there and waiting on us, with my songs all charted out and ready to play!
So, we get set up and start playing. Keith is awesome! I always forget just how much a really good bass player can fill out the sound, even w/o a lot of drums playing with him. Because Keith had actually done some preparation for the gig, I stuck pretty close to originals with the few covers being real crow-pleasers. Well, I start realizing there there are quite a few people in the place and they're having a good time and really paying attention to what we're doing. A number of people that I knew showed up that don't regularly show up for Arsaga's gigs. So, people were actually coming and staying. I'd taken decongestants and tylenol before the gig, and so I was feeling ok and sounding ok. James was doing great and we were just really having a fun time! Because we were doing mostly originals and covers that I've been doing for quite some time, Holly stayed on stage most the night and gave us some rhythm and sang the two songs that she sings lead on. Sound seemed just about right: Loud enough, but not blaring.
Ivy is sitting at a table right up front with some friends and is just eating up the attention. At one point, I was coaching the crowd on "Sha-la-la" words they're supposed to sing with me, and I tell Ivy that I can't hear her. Right on cue, she jabbers so the whole place can hear: "la-la-la-la..." It brought the house down!
As if that weren't all enough and really the most fun. With about 20 minutes left, another friend, Keith's partner, Ezra, jumps to the stage and takes over Holly's dumbek. He's beating the crap out of it and it sounds AWESOME! He stays up for the rest of the set on dumbek and we end up playing an impromptu U2 medley of "Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" and "Where the Streets have no Name" with Keith wailing on bass and Ezra rocking out on dumbek. IT WAS AWESOME!
To top it all off, I made the most possible from the drawer, did well with tips, and sold 7 CDs! (I think 4 CDs sold at an Arsaga's gig was my previous record.)
So, even though I came in with such low expectations, it easily turned into the best Arsaga's gig I've ever played. The fact that these great songwriters, Keith and Ezra, not only like and respect my music, they even enjoy playing it with me is a huge vote of confidence and affirmation to me as a songwriter/musician.
It seems like a perfect time to take a break. It's not that I'm never going to play Arsaga's again. It's just that I'd like to write some more songs, maybe get a new project recorded and come back with a whole new set. That's the plan at this point. I don't know if I'll cut back to playing just once a quarter or what. We'll just see.
Thank you to everybody who came out the other night and made it such a blast!
7.08.2007
The setup of low expectations...
I'll be honest. I had really low expectations for the gig at Arsaga's last night for a number of reasons.
It's the middle of summer. It's hotter than a firecracker out there! Who wants coffee? Who wants to sit in a coffee house on a Saturday night and listen to me play music?
The coffee house has been experimenting with a new system for paying the acts, and it's been biting everybody in the ass. The new deal is that the house needs to take in $x and then the act gets paid whatever they take in over that at the drawer. There's no cover ever, so it's all dependent on 1) People coming to the show 2) People spending money on drinks.
I've been hearing for a number of weeks, Arsaga's has been really slow and nobody has got paid much from the drawer since instituting this new pay plan.
I didn't do any more publicity than usual. I took two posters to the store earlier in the week and I sent out a regular email inviting people to come out. So, I really didn't expect many, if any people to show up.
So, in addition to thinking 1)Nobody's going to come out which means 2)I'm not going to get paid anything, I'm also in a weird, conflicted state about this being my last Arsaga's gig for awhile. The thing is, I've been playing this gig for maybe 5 years now.? And although I'm usually playing new covers just to see if I can pull them off, and people still seem to enjoy and request my originals, new originals come few and infrequently. To me, it feels like about the same gig that I've been doing for a long time. The fact is that if I were writing more, it would stay way more interesting to me. The fact is, the gig kind of bores me a lot of the time and especially when people haven't shown up lately, my brain assumes that any crowd/following/friends must be bored with the same old thing, too.
I start my new career as a 7th grade Math/English teacher in about a month. This means that I'm not going to need the little extra income I usually make from playing Arsaga's, and I can back off from playing there every couple of months to mayble playing once a quarter or maybe even once every 6 months. It's good that I'm going to be able to put some time between gigs. Maybe I'll actually write some new songs. Maybe if I'm playing more infrequently, people will be more interested when opportunity comes to come out and see me.
At the same time, the arsaga's thing has been the last vestiges of my life as a "professional singer/songwriter". Even though I'm excited about teaching and getting a real paycheck and not depending on music for my livelihood anymore, there's a part of me that doesn't want to let that go. Whenever somebody asks me "What do you do?" I've always just answered, "I'm a musician." I'm tremendously proud that I have been able to say that I've made a living (not a great living, but a living) for the last 13 years of married life as a musician. Now, I guess I'll have to answer, "I'm a 7th grade math/english teacher."...? I guess when it comes down to it, I'm still a guy and find a lot of my identity in what I do. And even though I strongly believe that teaching is a very important, admirable profession and career, I'd still rather see myself as a "professional musician." That's hard for me to get over.
So far, the way I've dealt with this has been to try not to think about it. And I've certainly not spoken it out loud to anybody. But it's there. And thinking this was my last (for awhile) Arsaga's gig was bringing those feelings up to a ragged edge.
Also, my friend James will be moving soon. Not only does this make me sad personally, this is most likely the last gig that I'll have James backing me for quite some time. He's good, doesn't like to practice any more than I do, is willing to wing it every time, and he tries not to let me pay him. How am I going to find another lead player like that?
And to top it all off, I haven't played out for like 2 months, have been healthy that whole time, and earlier this week I get some kind of cold or something! My head is full, I've been achy, and I just feel like crap. On Saturday I was feeling better but playing any gig, but especially one that you're not sure you want to play in the first place, without feeling 100% well REALLY sucks.
So, like I said, I was really just hoping to get last night at Arsaga's over with and hoping that I'd make out with more than $5 for the effort.
It's the middle of summer. It's hotter than a firecracker out there! Who wants coffee? Who wants to sit in a coffee house on a Saturday night and listen to me play music?
The coffee house has been experimenting with a new system for paying the acts, and it's been biting everybody in the ass. The new deal is that the house needs to take in $x and then the act gets paid whatever they take in over that at the drawer. There's no cover ever, so it's all dependent on 1) People coming to the show 2) People spending money on drinks.
I've been hearing for a number of weeks, Arsaga's has been really slow and nobody has got paid much from the drawer since instituting this new pay plan.
I didn't do any more publicity than usual. I took two posters to the store earlier in the week and I sent out a regular email inviting people to come out. So, I really didn't expect many, if any people to show up.
So, in addition to thinking 1)Nobody's going to come out which means 2)I'm not going to get paid anything, I'm also in a weird, conflicted state about this being my last Arsaga's gig for awhile. The thing is, I've been playing this gig for maybe 5 years now.? And although I'm usually playing new covers just to see if I can pull them off, and people still seem to enjoy and request my originals, new originals come few and infrequently. To me, it feels like about the same gig that I've been doing for a long time. The fact is that if I were writing more, it would stay way more interesting to me. The fact is, the gig kind of bores me a lot of the time and especially when people haven't shown up lately, my brain assumes that any crowd/following/friends must be bored with the same old thing, too.
I start my new career as a 7th grade Math/English teacher in about a month. This means that I'm not going to need the little extra income I usually make from playing Arsaga's, and I can back off from playing there every couple of months to mayble playing once a quarter or maybe even once every 6 months. It's good that I'm going to be able to put some time between gigs. Maybe I'll actually write some new songs. Maybe if I'm playing more infrequently, people will be more interested when opportunity comes to come out and see me.
At the same time, the arsaga's thing has been the last vestiges of my life as a "professional singer/songwriter". Even though I'm excited about teaching and getting a real paycheck and not depending on music for my livelihood anymore, there's a part of me that doesn't want to let that go. Whenever somebody asks me "What do you do?" I've always just answered, "I'm a musician." I'm tremendously proud that I have been able to say that I've made a living (not a great living, but a living) for the last 13 years of married life as a musician. Now, I guess I'll have to answer, "I'm a 7th grade math/english teacher."...? I guess when it comes down to it, I'm still a guy and find a lot of my identity in what I do. And even though I strongly believe that teaching is a very important, admirable profession and career, I'd still rather see myself as a "professional musician." That's hard for me to get over.
So far, the way I've dealt with this has been to try not to think about it. And I've certainly not spoken it out loud to anybody. But it's there. And thinking this was my last (for awhile) Arsaga's gig was bringing those feelings up to a ragged edge.
Also, my friend James will be moving soon. Not only does this make me sad personally, this is most likely the last gig that I'll have James backing me for quite some time. He's good, doesn't like to practice any more than I do, is willing to wing it every time, and he tries not to let me pay him. How am I going to find another lead player like that?
And to top it all off, I haven't played out for like 2 months, have been healthy that whole time, and earlier this week I get some kind of cold or something! My head is full, I've been achy, and I just feel like crap. On Saturday I was feeling better but playing any gig, but especially one that you're not sure you want to play in the first place, without feeling 100% well REALLY sucks.
So, like I said, I was really just hoping to get last night at Arsaga's over with and hoping that I'd make out with more than $5 for the effort.
6.28.2007
A pious nation? - Opinion - USATODAY.com
A pious nation? - Opinion - USATODAY.com
Just last night I commented on Jake's blog about another blogger's comments about Obama's comments. (Didja follow that?) It's too long to explain, so if you want to see what we were (sort of) discussing, you'll have to go to jake's blog and read the article and read my comments. The blog entry in question is Obama and Faith
Tonight I read the linked article that my buddy Rustin cited on his blog. Both of these articles are sort of topically related, but you'll have to read them to see for yourself.
There are many ideas in the Opinion article in USATODAY that I agree with. The writer is critical of many of the things I'm critical of in our overly pious society.
Just last night I commented on Jake's blog about another blogger's comments about Obama's comments. (Didja follow that?) It's too long to explain, so if you want to see what we were (sort of) discussing, you'll have to go to jake's blog and read the article and read my comments. The blog entry in question is Obama and Faith
Tonight I read the linked article that my buddy Rustin cited on his blog. Both of these articles are sort of topically related, but you'll have to read them to see for yourself.
There are many ideas in the Opinion article in USATODAY that I agree with. The writer is critical of many of the things I'm critical of in our overly pious society.
5.29.2007
"Are you kidding me?!"
I've realized that when I'm really disgusted, I like to say this with as much disdain and vehemence I can muster.
With enough intensity, it can almost reach the same level of satisfaction as "WTF?"
If you don't know. Don't ask. Stick with "Are you kidding me?!!?"
With enough intensity, it can almost reach the same level of satisfaction as "WTF?"
If you don't know. Don't ask. Stick with "Are you kidding me?!!?"
5.06.2007
Spider-Man 3
Went with H and the Powers on Sunday afternoon. Quick thoughts (warning: I'll try not to be a spoiler, and I don't think there's really a lot to spoil, but read on at your own risk if you're really worried about it.)
-It felt a little long. Lots of characters=little development
-Action satisfied. Spidey kicks butt.
-Black Spidey suit is cool, but not nearly as cool as the black suit in the comic book, therefore black suit in movie is a bit stupid.
-Some parts kind of silly and easily irksome to some comic book fans while crowd-pleasing to movie watchers. Didn't love it, but didn't hate it. (it wasn't as bad as Jar-Jar...)
-I like Topher Grace and thought his sarcastic wit was appealing, but I don't really know the whole story of venom, so in this respect, I'm a movie-watcher instead of comic book fan.
-Felt like history revision of uncle parker's muderer was cheap and pointless. It seems like they could have set up a better vengence/forgiveness storyline pretty easily, but I think they were being lazy. I don't know if this happened in the marvel universe or not but it was still stupid.
-Am mildly intrigued by all the christian symbolism discussion of forgiveness and redemption in this movie. However, with the bloated number of characters and story-lines, the philisophical discussion, while interesting to be found in a summer, comic-book adaptation block-buster, it's also easily lost in the noise.
-Am easily perturbed by the OUTRAGEOUS plot coincidences that are provided (symbiote landing, birth of sand man, harry's "uncle alfred" clears everything up...), but at the same time, all of these things strike me as EXACTLY how they'd happen in a comic book. So, what're ya gonna do?
All in all, it's not as good as Spidey 2, I'm undecided as to if it's better or about as good as Spidey 1, and it definately blows the piece of crap that is X-men 3 out of the water. It's worth seeing for comic book lovers and movie watchers alike.
One final note about one of the trailers: The only thing I can think of in the Marvel Universe more stupid than the Fantastic Four would be a nearly omnipotent being who zips around the universe destroying galaxies/planets riding a silver surfboard!! Are you kidding me? Oh yea, I can think of something more stupid: Idiots in Hollywood making a movie about the Fantastic 4 AND the Silver Surfer.
4.26.2007
my baby turns 1 year old in 3 days!
So, I know there's a link to her blog (much better maintained by her mother) than this one, but I thought I should point it out.
She turns 1 year old on Sunday. I can't believe it.
I know many people who finally have a kid and they're like "oh it's just the most wonderful experience. I don't know why we ever waited..."
I've not have any feelings wishing we'd have done this sooner. I enjoyed our life before Ivy came along. And I think it really did take that long for me to really be ready. But, it is a wonderful experience. She is so awesome and so much fun and I love her more than I could ever imagine.
Words fail. I love her. I'm blessed beyond measure.
She turns 1 year old on Sunday. I can't believe it.
I know many people who finally have a kid and they're like "oh it's just the most wonderful experience. I don't know why we ever waited..."
I've not have any feelings wishing we'd have done this sooner. I enjoyed our life before Ivy came along. And I think it really did take that long for me to really be ready. But, it is a wonderful experience. She is so awesome and so much fun and I love her more than I could ever imagine.
Words fail. I love her. I'm blessed beyond measure.
Infuze
This is a web-site that I visit quite often. They've just done a major rebuild on the site and they're having glitches with the commenting. So, I'm commenting on my own blog. If anybody cares.
First, I shouldn't have read this interview of Casting Crowns. I knew it would just piss me off. The one comment (by the founder of the online magazine, so I guess his commenting works) points out exactly the problem I have and have always had with this band. I wonder why an interview with this particular band is actually on this web-site.
First: Propaganda as art makes for bad art and bad propaganda. period.
Second: The fact that CC exploded when they did and how big they did does not indicate God's providence. When will people learn that God's economy is not the same as man's? It simply indicates that they hit on a perfect formula for a particular time. I guess the church was wanting a hip pop/country/MOR "band" that channeled Steven Curtis Chapman. Are you kidding me? The guy sounds exactly like SCC.
First, I shouldn't have read this interview of Casting Crowns. I knew it would just piss me off. The one comment (by the founder of the online magazine, so I guess his commenting works) points out exactly the problem I have and have always had with this band. I wonder why an interview with this particular band is actually on this web-site.
First: Propaganda as art makes for bad art and bad propaganda. period.
Second: The fact that CC exploded when they did and how big they did does not indicate God's providence. When will people learn that God's economy is not the same as man's? It simply indicates that they hit on a perfect formula for a particular time. I guess the church was wanting a hip pop/country/MOR "band" that channeled Steven Curtis Chapman. Are you kidding me? The guy sounds exactly like SCC.
4.25.2007
?
The strange thing is that I grew up in the church. When I was a sr. in high school, I was pretty much the only "church-going" kid in my whole class. I was a good kid and I didn't really get in trouble.
I ended up going to Bible college. Why? I look back now, and I think I just went because I didn't know what else to do. In some ways, I can see how that experience contributed to my formation; not least of which would be the fact that's where I found Holly. And I will be the first and loudest to say that I am blessed beyond reason for her.
If I had it to do all over again, I might not have gone to college at all and definately not right after graduation and probably not to a Bible college.
I know a lot of people that spend all of their time reading about, discussing, debating, contemplating theology. Theology- The study of the nature of God and religious truth. I don't see the point. I'm getting to the place where the nature of God is simply love and that truth was truth whether it wears a religious tag or not. I mean really, does all this theological debate and study engender "faith like a child"?
There used to be a time when I would argue to death a theological belief that I held strongly with somebody else who thought differently. Now, it seems to me that an argument like that is not only unknowable and completely un-winnable, but completely worthless in terms any thing of real value. If anything, that kind of argument causes outsiders to shake their heads in disgust at the futility and irrelevance of our pursuits.
Just another reason, that if it weren't for New Springs (now) I think I'd be taking a long, complete break from christendom.
Feel free to respond to this, but I reserve the right to not respond to your response.
I ended up going to Bible college. Why? I look back now, and I think I just went because I didn't know what else to do. In some ways, I can see how that experience contributed to my formation; not least of which would be the fact that's where I found Holly. And I will be the first and loudest to say that I am blessed beyond reason for her.
If I had it to do all over again, I might not have gone to college at all and definately not right after graduation and probably not to a Bible college.
I know a lot of people that spend all of their time reading about, discussing, debating, contemplating theology. Theology- The study of the nature of God and religious truth. I don't see the point. I'm getting to the place where the nature of God is simply love and that truth was truth whether it wears a religious tag or not. I mean really, does all this theological debate and study engender "faith like a child"?
There used to be a time when I would argue to death a theological belief that I held strongly with somebody else who thought differently. Now, it seems to me that an argument like that is not only unknowable and completely un-winnable, but completely worthless in terms any thing of real value. If anything, that kind of argument causes outsiders to shake their heads in disgust at the futility and irrelevance of our pursuits.
Just another reason, that if it weren't for New Springs (now) I think I'd be taking a long, complete break from christendom.
Feel free to respond to this, but I reserve the right to not respond to your response.
4.18.2007
grace on late night
Between going to bed a little earlier lately and rabbit ears not providing the entertainment possibilities that it used to, I've not been catching much late night TV for awhile. My friend, Mike, mentioned this on his blog.
This is the 2nd time I've seen Ferguson use his opening monologue to speak grace to the late night viewing audience. The other time, he talked about his father who had just passed away.
This is even more impressive. This guy is a comedian. A "secular" comedian with a late night show and an opening monologue. Britney Spears spent the weekend shaving her head and dealing with rehab. What could anybody expect a late night comedian to talk about?
He spends 12 minutes talking about his own sobriety and how Britney Spears shouldn't be ridiculed and made fun of, but that somebody should help her. She's 25 and has 2 kids and obviously she's having some problems. Why is everybody joking about her and nobody is helping her?
Are you kidding me? The only reason the church folk wouldn't be celebrating this example of grace would be because this late night comedian did a better job than we have.
This is the 2nd time I've seen Ferguson use his opening monologue to speak grace to the late night viewing audience. The other time, he talked about his father who had just passed away.
This is even more impressive. This guy is a comedian. A "secular" comedian with a late night show and an opening monologue. Britney Spears spent the weekend shaving her head and dealing with rehab. What could anybody expect a late night comedian to talk about?
He spends 12 minutes talking about his own sobriety and how Britney Spears shouldn't be ridiculed and made fun of, but that somebody should help her. She's 25 and has 2 kids and obviously she's having some problems. Why is everybody joking about her and nobody is helping her?
Are you kidding me? The only reason the church folk wouldn't be celebrating this example of grace would be because this late night comedian did a better job than we have.
4.11.2007
Piano crash was 'worst nightmare'
My friend, T-Rev, emailed this link to me. I just think it's funny that he sent it to me the day before I'm getting up in the morning to go help move my first piano since last July.
3.17.2007
Rolling Stone : Taking the Long Way : Review
So, I've been sitting on this blog for awhile. I'm not sure why. Maybe I don't want to stir up a hornets' nest of political talk back and forth. Maybe I'm not sure I want people to know just how much I'm impressed with the Dixie Chicks' new CD. Regardless...
To be honest, I first listened to Taking the Long Way when it first came out, and obviously I didn't listen very well. Truth be told, I was a little turned off by "THE COMMENT" fiasco, and all I could hear in the first single was that they were "still mad as hell..." yada yada yada. And I just wanted them to move on.
Well, let me just say: I was completely wrong.
A friend of mine started listening to the CD and wouldn't stop talking about how great it was, so I slowly started listening more and more closely. Then, I started realizing that this is the first CD that they've co-written the whole record, which put a new spin on all those songs. Then, I realized some of the co-writers and the players (tom petty's band members for starters) and Rick Rubin (among other things, producer to the latest Johnny Cash recordings) producing!
So, then I couldn't get enough of it. THEN, I saw the documentary "Shut up and Sing" about the whole comment fiasco.
Now, I wasn't really a fan of the comment. But, even if I think it might have been sort of a dumb thing to say at that particular moment, I think you're pretty much allowed to say as dumb a thing as you want.
The documentary really showed how this dumb little comment blew WAY out of proportion and context. But, what it really did for me was show me even more where these songs were coming from and wow are they great songs.
And finally, I want to celebrate this whole story because it's really a triumph of art over commerce.
This dumb comment, and the dumb way it was exploited, turned their fan base against them. When they realized that they didn't have their fan base or support anymore, they said "screw it. let's make the best record we can make talking about the things that are important to us and take it to whoever will listen." And they did.
5 Grammies later, for once in a lifetime, following your muse and disregarding the almighty green worked out.
To be honest, I first listened to Taking the Long Way when it first came out, and obviously I didn't listen very well. Truth be told, I was a little turned off by "THE COMMENT" fiasco, and all I could hear in the first single was that they were "still mad as hell..." yada yada yada. And I just wanted them to move on.
Well, let me just say: I was completely wrong.
A friend of mine started listening to the CD and wouldn't stop talking about how great it was, so I slowly started listening more and more closely. Then, I started realizing that this is the first CD that they've co-written the whole record, which put a new spin on all those songs. Then, I realized some of the co-writers and the players (tom petty's band members for starters) and Rick Rubin (among other things, producer to the latest Johnny Cash recordings) producing!
So, then I couldn't get enough of it. THEN, I saw the documentary "Shut up and Sing" about the whole comment fiasco.
Now, I wasn't really a fan of the comment. But, even if I think it might have been sort of a dumb thing to say at that particular moment, I think you're pretty much allowed to say as dumb a thing as you want.
The documentary really showed how this dumb little comment blew WAY out of proportion and context. But, what it really did for me was show me even more where these songs were coming from and wow are they great songs.
And finally, I want to celebrate this whole story because it's really a triumph of art over commerce.
This dumb comment, and the dumb way it was exploited, turned their fan base against them. When they realized that they didn't have their fan base or support anymore, they said "screw it. let's make the best record we can make talking about the things that are important to us and take it to whoever will listen." And they did.
5 Grammies later, for once in a lifetime, following your muse and disregarding the almighty green worked out.
NAMA XII- Announcing the Nominees
Well, much to the chagrine of a certain some one with the initials of my beloved Star Wars, and to the surprise of myself; I'm up for best singer/songwriter-Male in the Northwest Arkansas Music Awards again.
I still don't know how these nominations work, but I'm very grateful to whoever keeps me in the picture.
I guess I was nominated last year, but didn't even find out about it in time for me to vote, let alone motivate the masses of adoring friends/fans who read this little blog.
Voting isn't open yet, but keep an eye on the link above as I think it'll be open in the next week or two. If you're so inclined, feel free to cast for yours truly...
I still don't know how these nominations work, but I'm very grateful to whoever keeps me in the picture.
I guess I was nominated last year, but didn't even find out about it in time for me to vote, let alone motivate the masses of adoring friends/fans who read this little blog.
Voting isn't open yet, but keep an eye on the link above as I think it'll be open in the next week or two. If you're so inclined, feel free to cast for yours truly...
3.05.2007
Who killed the electric car?
Who Killed the Electric Car?
Just watched this movie. Too pissed off and frustrated to talk about it right now. If you don't want to know who killed the car without watching it, I won't tell you who, but I'll tell you want:
Greed, materialism, stupidity.
Instead of ultra-clean, cheaply run electric cars driving on the road for the last 10 years, what do we have? Hummers.
Just watched this movie. Too pissed off and frustrated to talk about it right now. If you don't want to know who killed the car without watching it, I won't tell you who, but I'll tell you want:
Greed, materialism, stupidity.
Instead of ultra-clean, cheaply run electric cars driving on the road for the last 10 years, what do we have? Hummers.
2.28.2007
blogging
My problem is that whenever I start to write something, it starts getting really long and then I get tired of writing and want to quit, but then I'm frustrated with what actually made it onto the blog.
Random things that I'm going to not write very much about:
-Last night, my best friend from college called me to let me know that he's officially out of full-time ministry and that he's investigating new career paths. We talked some about how we went to Bible college with a pretty tight-knit group of 4 guys who all received degrees in music ministry. All are talented, intelligent, personable, faithful and would profoundly bless ANY church they worked for. And yet, not a single one of them is now working in full time music ministry or any other kind of ministry. My friend and I discussed the possibility that there's something horribly wrong with the whole concept of vocational ministry; particularly music ministry. We discussed the fact working in full-time music ministry caused a moral dilemma that in order to do it as required would entail living dishonestly and actually "selling out."
The interesting thing is that I know many people in full-time music ministry. They seem sincere and passionate in their vocation and ministry, but most also seem pretty shallow in the way they live their life.
From one perspective, I'm pretty proud that the 4 guys I graduated with are no longer in ministry because they're actually too honest to be able to live with the tensions that vocational music ministry requires. Ok, I've broke my rule and written too much on this.
-This morning, while driving to my sub job, I started thinking about what it would be like if my dad were alive and how he would interact with Ivy and how much I would love to see that. It's been 13 years now, and sometimes thinking about how much of my life I am unable to share with my dad hurts so much. I had to turn up the music and start thinking about something else so that the tears in my eyes wouldn't start flowing and make it hard to see.
-I feel like I'm gearing up for job hunting. In the next few months, many school districts will be getting their contracts signed for next year and will start getting ideas for where they're going to need positions. I hate it. I don't want to go out and find a job, I just want somebody to give me one. I often think that one of the reasons I didn't accomplish more as a musician was because I just can't stomach self-promotion enough. And here I am trying to sell myself as a teacher. The fact is that last summer, I suspected that I could/would be a good teacher. Now, after subbing so much since the beginning of the year, (and I truly believe and I think most teachers agree, that subbing is WAY harder than teaching) I'm convinced that I would be one of the better teachers. If somebody would just give me a freaking job...
-I'm reading the Green Mile again. I've needed something to read while I'm baby-sit...I mean subbing. I still think that Stephen King is a great novelist.
Random things that I'm going to not write very much about:
-Last night, my best friend from college called me to let me know that he's officially out of full-time ministry and that he's investigating new career paths. We talked some about how we went to Bible college with a pretty tight-knit group of 4 guys who all received degrees in music ministry. All are talented, intelligent, personable, faithful and would profoundly bless ANY church they worked for. And yet, not a single one of them is now working in full time music ministry or any other kind of ministry. My friend and I discussed the possibility that there's something horribly wrong with the whole concept of vocational ministry; particularly music ministry. We discussed the fact working in full-time music ministry caused a moral dilemma that in order to do it as required would entail living dishonestly and actually "selling out."
The interesting thing is that I know many people in full-time music ministry. They seem sincere and passionate in their vocation and ministry, but most also seem pretty shallow in the way they live their life.
From one perspective, I'm pretty proud that the 4 guys I graduated with are no longer in ministry because they're actually too honest to be able to live with the tensions that vocational music ministry requires. Ok, I've broke my rule and written too much on this.
-This morning, while driving to my sub job, I started thinking about what it would be like if my dad were alive and how he would interact with Ivy and how much I would love to see that. It's been 13 years now, and sometimes thinking about how much of my life I am unable to share with my dad hurts so much. I had to turn up the music and start thinking about something else so that the tears in my eyes wouldn't start flowing and make it hard to see.
-I feel like I'm gearing up for job hunting. In the next few months, many school districts will be getting their contracts signed for next year and will start getting ideas for where they're going to need positions. I hate it. I don't want to go out and find a job, I just want somebody to give me one. I often think that one of the reasons I didn't accomplish more as a musician was because I just can't stomach self-promotion enough. And here I am trying to sell myself as a teacher. The fact is that last summer, I suspected that I could/would be a good teacher. Now, after subbing so much since the beginning of the year, (and I truly believe and I think most teachers agree, that subbing is WAY harder than teaching) I'm convinced that I would be one of the better teachers. If somebody would just give me a freaking job...
-I'm reading the Green Mile again. I've needed something to read while I'm baby-sit...I mean subbing. I still think that Stephen King is a great novelist.
2.25.2007
Bridge to Terabithia
On Friday, while subbing, I found the teacher's multiple copies of The Bridge to Terabithia. Since the students I subbed for had their assignment for the day, and my job was just to make sure that they did it, I was lucky enough read TBTT again.
I think I just read the the made-for-TV movie of TBTT came out in 1985. That means I would have been about 14 when I saw that on PBS with my family and consequently read the book the first time.
The trailers that I've seen for the new movie have really been bugging me simply because the book is not all about the fantastic adventures of the main characters in their imagined land of Terebithia, but about what happens to them in real life. However, from the reviews I've read of the film, it seems like I might be having a lot more problems with the marketing of the movie (and trying to sell it as some kind of Narnian adventure) than I may have if I actually see it.
I really enjoyed reading it again. Along with new movie and renewed interest in the book, I found out that the author, Katherine Patterson, is a Christian. With this new knowledge and hopefully a more mature personal faith discerning the value of this book, I was truly touched, inspired and dare I say blessed by some of the words I found. Particularly in reference to faith and its discussion in the book.
Fast forward to this evening and my reading of a review of the movie by a certain Christian online magazine. I haven't linked to the review and am not going to mention it because the whole thing is worthless drek and I don't want anybody to read it because of me. Why do other Christians provoke more profanity in my head than other people?
While this reviewer gives a relatively positiver review of the movie, can't get over the "careless at best" handling of a discussion in the movie about who's going to end up "damned to hell".
I know that when I read this book when I was young, I had much the same reservations as the reviewer. Of course, now I think that I had those reservations because I was well-versed in the ignorant pride that this teaching flows from. That seems to me one of the most evil.
Ugh. Sometimes my un-practiced writing drives me crazy because i can't seem to get out what I'm trying to say. (Languisher, will you re-teach me how to write?)
I'm trying to say all these things without giving away anything in the movie or the book. All I can say is that if anybody ever tries to say who is going to hell and who is not (other than him/herself), they are wrong. Because they truly don't know. And the utter presumption drives me crazy.
I think I just read the the made-for-TV movie of TBTT came out in 1985. That means I would have been about 14 when I saw that on PBS with my family and consequently read the book the first time.
The trailers that I've seen for the new movie have really been bugging me simply because the book is not all about the fantastic adventures of the main characters in their imagined land of Terebithia, but about what happens to them in real life. However, from the reviews I've read of the film, it seems like I might be having a lot more problems with the marketing of the movie (and trying to sell it as some kind of Narnian adventure) than I may have if I actually see it.
I really enjoyed reading it again. Along with new movie and renewed interest in the book, I found out that the author, Katherine Patterson, is a Christian. With this new knowledge and hopefully a more mature personal faith discerning the value of this book, I was truly touched, inspired and dare I say blessed by some of the words I found. Particularly in reference to faith and its discussion in the book.
Fast forward to this evening and my reading of a review of the movie by a certain Christian online magazine. I haven't linked to the review and am not going to mention it because the whole thing is worthless drek and I don't want anybody to read it because of me. Why do other Christians provoke more profanity in my head than other people?
While this reviewer gives a relatively positiver review of the movie, can't get over the "careless at best" handling of a discussion in the movie about who's going to end up "damned to hell".
I know that when I read this book when I was young, I had much the same reservations as the reviewer. Of course, now I think that I had those reservations because I was well-versed in the ignorant pride that this teaching flows from. That seems to me one of the most evil.
Ugh. Sometimes my un-practiced writing drives me crazy because i can't seem to get out what I'm trying to say. (Languisher, will you re-teach me how to write?)
I'm trying to say all these things without giving away anything in the movie or the book. All I can say is that if anybody ever tries to say who is going to hell and who is not (other than him/herself), they are wrong. Because they truly don't know. And the utter presumption drives me crazy.
Matthew 7: 15-23 A Tree and Its Fruit
15"Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. 16By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? 17Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. 18A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. 19Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.21"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' 23Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'
2.03.2007
Two crazy things today....
First, I was driving to the library in Fayetteville. Because we just came through an Arkansas blizzard and it's still been horribly cold and they're still saying that side streets can be messy and frankly; Arkansas drivers are either idiots or maniacs when it comes to bad weather conditions, I decided to take the bypass and get off at the 6th street exit.
First, I notice lots of people on foot. Then I think, "Wow, lots of people must have been tired of being cooped up in their houses for the last few days, because this traffic is crazy!" Then it dawns on me and I have to call mr. powers to confirm my suspicion: the Hogs have a basketball game today. This would make obvious indicator #1 of how NOT a sports fan I am.
Obvious indicator #2:
After the library, I go to the cobbler to pick up a purse that Holly was having repaired only to find the cobbler is close on Sat. and Sun. So, I decide to walk across a couple of parking lots to get to the only IGA I know of in NW Ar. to see if they have the Lime tortilla chips way had for my mom's b-day weekend. (They still should not be the main chips...)
So, I'm walking across the parking lot of a Rent-a-Center and I see not 1, not 2, but 3 big screen TVs being loaded into the back of 3 different pickups. What the? Oh ya. Tomorrow's the Super Bowl.
I'm sorry. This is a subject for another blog. But, for the life of me I can't figure out why so much money and so much energy is expended on sports when arts and music programs seem to be in constant jeopardy. Is that what we want our culture to be known for? Our love of sports?
I'll probably go to the party tomorrow. But I'm being completely serious in that I don't even know who's playing. I'm sure I've heard, I just don't care enough to remember. But hopefully there will be some good nachos at the party.
First, I notice lots of people on foot. Then I think, "Wow, lots of people must have been tired of being cooped up in their houses for the last few days, because this traffic is crazy!" Then it dawns on me and I have to call mr. powers to confirm my suspicion: the Hogs have a basketball game today. This would make obvious indicator #1 of how NOT a sports fan I am.
Obvious indicator #2:
After the library, I go to the cobbler to pick up a purse that Holly was having repaired only to find the cobbler is close on Sat. and Sun. So, I decide to walk across a couple of parking lots to get to the only IGA I know of in NW Ar. to see if they have the Lime tortilla chips way had for my mom's b-day weekend. (They still should not be the main chips...)
So, I'm walking across the parking lot of a Rent-a-Center and I see not 1, not 2, but 3 big screen TVs being loaded into the back of 3 different pickups. What the? Oh ya. Tomorrow's the Super Bowl.
I'm sorry. This is a subject for another blog. But, for the life of me I can't figure out why so much money and so much energy is expended on sports when arts and music programs seem to be in constant jeopardy. Is that what we want our culture to be known for? Our love of sports?
I'll probably go to the party tomorrow. But I'm being completely serious in that I don't even know who's playing. I'm sure I've heard, I just don't care enough to remember. But hopefully there will be some good nachos at the party.
something new and blue...
I'll stand by the idea that one of the best things for an independent artist to do to get their music "out there" is to get an account with CDbaby. I held off for a long time. I think just because I didn't like the name and/or logo and mostly because I figured that if I set my mind to it, I could do everything that they could do for me on my own web-site. That may still be true for the most part, the fact is that CDbaby is HUGE and has all kinds of perks and connections and at a whopping $35 to set up a new CD, it's worth it. Having Gypsy Heart selling on itunes in Austria make it worth it all by itself!
Even though I LOVE getting random emails saying "You've made a sale! Your money's on the way!" or even better: "You're getting some money from CDbaby because you've been moving some digital downloads all over the world! Here's some money!", I've been slow to set up any of my older projects on CDbaby. Mostly, because whenever I think to do it, I don't really have $35 to set it up and it would take a few months for that CD to get into the system and show up on itunes and stuff like that. I'm an instant-gratification kind of guy. But, that would sure eliminate the struggle I have with keeping that old stuff available for the few who might be interested without having to order more CDs. So, I'm trying something new.
I just found this software/service that encrypts the audio files and sets it all up so that I am now selling my own files from my very own web-site. So far, I only have Vagabond Dancing available, but I plan to get everything else posted; including the very first recording that was only available on cassette tape!
The only big problem is that I'm having a hard time figuring out how to integrate this into my web-site as it is right now. Really, it's high time that good 'ole shacknotes.com got an overhaul, but I was lucky enough to have a web-design master do it last time, and I don't want to take a step backward...
Anyway, if anybody out there wants some "back catalogue" shack stuff, please let me know how the system worked for you. I'll be getting more stuff up there soon.
Even though I LOVE getting random emails saying "You've made a sale! Your money's on the way!" or even better: "You're getting some money from CDbaby because you've been moving some digital downloads all over the world! Here's some money!", I've been slow to set up any of my older projects on CDbaby. Mostly, because whenever I think to do it, I don't really have $35 to set it up and it would take a few months for that CD to get into the system and show up on itunes and stuff like that. I'm an instant-gratification kind of guy. But, that would sure eliminate the struggle I have with keeping that old stuff available for the few who might be interested without having to order more CDs. So, I'm trying something new.
I just found this software/service that encrypts the audio files and sets it all up so that I am now selling my own files from my very own web-site. So far, I only have Vagabond Dancing available, but I plan to get everything else posted; including the very first recording that was only available on cassette tape!
The only big problem is that I'm having a hard time figuring out how to integrate this into my web-site as it is right now. Really, it's high time that good 'ole shacknotes.com got an overhaul, but I was lucky enough to have a web-design master do it last time, and I don't want to take a step backward...
Anyway, if anybody out there wants some "back catalogue" shack stuff, please let me know how the system worked for you. I'll be getting more stuff up there soon.
2.02.2007
bad hair cut
So, I really like the girl who cuts my hair, and I'm hoping that she doesn't read my blog because my haircut sucks!
What's even more frustrating to me is that I can't figure out why. I told her to just do what we've been doing, I just needed it shorter. Somehow that didn't work. I can't tell if the sides are too short for the top/front or if the sides are too short too high on the side of my head or what. I just can't figure it out. I really hate it if it's too short and looks like military buzz, but this doesn't really look like that because it's too random. Just not random in the cool way that I like. So, now I'm just wishing it would hurry up and grow in some more.
On the subject of hair, I feel fortunate that I'm 35 and still have mine. I often think that since I have it, I should grow it out, get some length. The problem is that my hair is VERY straight. So, if I grow it out all, it's just very flat. Plus, holly hates it long.
What's even more frustrating to me is that I can't figure out why. I told her to just do what we've been doing, I just needed it shorter. Somehow that didn't work. I can't tell if the sides are too short for the top/front or if the sides are too short too high on the side of my head or what. I just can't figure it out. I really hate it if it's too short and looks like military buzz, but this doesn't really look like that because it's too random. Just not random in the cool way that I like. So, now I'm just wishing it would hurry up and grow in some more.
On the subject of hair, I feel fortunate that I'm 35 and still have mine. I often think that since I have it, I should grow it out, get some length. The problem is that my hair is VERY straight. So, if I grow it out all, it's just very flat. Plus, holly hates it long.
1.30.2007
A Prayer for Owen Meany
Owen Meany
When I was a kid, my little sister would annoy me so much when she'd read a book that she really liked to then end and just flip back to the first page and start reading it again. I always thought: If you already read it, no matter how much you enjoyed it, why in the world would read it again? Especially if you just finished it?
I'm going to make my retired-teacher mom and my retired-passed away dad really happy right now: I love to read. I love reading great novels and short-stories and if I'm reading for my own enjoyment (which is why I'm usually reading), I stick with fiction. I kind of have to make myself read the few non-fiction books that I get through.
The problem is that, like many things, I'm pretty picky. I have a hard time finding things that I really like. I've read most novels by Stephen King, a lot of Orson Scott Card, a lot of Steinbeck, some Arthur C. Clarke, I'm a big fan of a fiction trilogy that few people have ever even heard of by Franky Schaeffer, and of course, Lord of the Rings.
I think part of the problem is that I've read some really incredible books and when you finish a great novel, mediocre novels are horribly stifling. One summer a couple of years ago, I read Grapes of Wrath and East of Eden. I couldn't find anything to read for a couple of months after that.
So, I've actually started becoming re-reader. When I found Ender's Game a few years ago, I was blown away. It's an short, easy SciFi novel (IMHO: for people who don't even like SciFi) that I've read at least 3 times now. I read all it's sequals which I didn't find nearly as enjoyable, but earlier this year, I read Ender's Game again and found myself even re-reading two of its sequals.
Anyway, I just finished Stephen King's new novel, Lisey's Story, a couple of weeks ago (and if you want to argue with me about Stephen King being a great american author of our time, I'll be happy to smack you) and have had a hard time finding anything to read since. This week, I've been subbing in a classroom that doesn't require full attention, and I knew that they'd be taking a test today which meant ultimate boredom/fight-to-stay-awake time if I didn't find something good to read.
Finally, I decided that it's been a couple of years since I'd read A Prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving, so I threw it into my bag to go to school today.
My sister gave me a copy of this book for Christmas probably close to 10 years ago saying that she'd had to read it for one of her literature classes and she thought I might like it.
This is my favorite novel that I've ever read. My problem with reading it today while students were taking a test was suppressing laughter as I burned through the first 70 pages!
Now I have to be careful. I suggest this book to people all the time, and I know that I often overblow it so that their expectations are so high, that there's no way it can live up. However, I just have to say this is a GREAT book! It has an incredible story with wildly vivid, amusing, striking characters. The interplay of relationships is so tender and funny and sweet and series of events are startling at times, outrageously comical at other times. And to top it all off, it has the most incredible, cohesive ending of any novel I've read. period.
So, I'm not telling you it's the best novel ever written. I'm just saying that it's my favorite. And I'm just excited about reading it again and I wish that I could find more books to love a fraction of how much I love this one. If anybody ever still reads this blog, feel free to leave me some suggestions. Remember: Novels.
When I was a kid, my little sister would annoy me so much when she'd read a book that she really liked to then end and just flip back to the first page and start reading it again. I always thought: If you already read it, no matter how much you enjoyed it, why in the world would read it again? Especially if you just finished it?
I'm going to make my retired-teacher mom and my retired-passed away dad really happy right now: I love to read. I love reading great novels and short-stories and if I'm reading for my own enjoyment (which is why I'm usually reading), I stick with fiction. I kind of have to make myself read the few non-fiction books that I get through.
The problem is that, like many things, I'm pretty picky. I have a hard time finding things that I really like. I've read most novels by Stephen King, a lot of Orson Scott Card, a lot of Steinbeck, some Arthur C. Clarke, I'm a big fan of a fiction trilogy that few people have ever even heard of by Franky Schaeffer, and of course, Lord of the Rings.
I think part of the problem is that I've read some really incredible books and when you finish a great novel, mediocre novels are horribly stifling. One summer a couple of years ago, I read Grapes of Wrath and East of Eden. I couldn't find anything to read for a couple of months after that.
So, I've actually started becoming re-reader. When I found Ender's Game a few years ago, I was blown away. It's an short, easy SciFi novel (IMHO: for people who don't even like SciFi) that I've read at least 3 times now. I read all it's sequals which I didn't find nearly as enjoyable, but earlier this year, I read Ender's Game again and found myself even re-reading two of its sequals.
Anyway, I just finished Stephen King's new novel, Lisey's Story, a couple of weeks ago (and if you want to argue with me about Stephen King being a great american author of our time, I'll be happy to smack you) and have had a hard time finding anything to read since. This week, I've been subbing in a classroom that doesn't require full attention, and I knew that they'd be taking a test today which meant ultimate boredom/fight-to-stay-awake time if I didn't find something good to read.
Finally, I decided that it's been a couple of years since I'd read A Prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving, so I threw it into my bag to go to school today.
My sister gave me a copy of this book for Christmas probably close to 10 years ago saying that she'd had to read it for one of her literature classes and she thought I might like it.
This is my favorite novel that I've ever read. My problem with reading it today while students were taking a test was suppressing laughter as I burned through the first 70 pages!
Now I have to be careful. I suggest this book to people all the time, and I know that I often overblow it so that their expectations are so high, that there's no way it can live up. However, I just have to say this is a GREAT book! It has an incredible story with wildly vivid, amusing, striking characters. The interplay of relationships is so tender and funny and sweet and series of events are startling at times, outrageously comical at other times. And to top it all off, it has the most incredible, cohesive ending of any novel I've read. period.
So, I'm not telling you it's the best novel ever written. I'm just saying that it's my favorite. And I'm just excited about reading it again and I wish that I could find more books to love a fraction of how much I love this one. If anybody ever still reads this blog, feel free to leave me some suggestions. Remember: Novels.
1.21.2007
my hierarchy of movie needs
Matt Page's review of "Children of Men"
I'm only linking to this review because this movie is what got me thinking about this. I don't necessarily agree with his review, but he might give you a little more to go. In a nutshell, I'm not recommending the movie.
So, this morning in the shower I was thinking of what a movie needs for me to enjoy it. I started coming up with a list, but it's not really hiearchy because there are times when a movie can be stronger in one thing and it covers up a lack of another aspect. Sometimes this turns out acceptable to me and sometimes it doesn't. So here's the first of my list of important aspects for a movie in loose order with the exception of the first...
Movies Need to Have a Good story. This is far and away the most important. I can forgive a lot of bad dialogue, bad acting, bad cinematography, bad casting, bad editing if the story is good. Case in point: Star Wars saga. If you watch the whole sexology top to bottom, there are plenty of cringe-worthy scenes of horrible acting and worse dialogue; and not just in episodes I-III, although probably the worst instances would be found there. In episodes IV-VI, there are tons of cheesy, stupid lines of dialogue and lots of horrible acting. In fact, it's a testament to Harrison Ford as an actor that he's able to deliver some of those lines and NOT sound like a campy, cheese fest. In spite of these flaws, the Star Wars saga is among my favorite movies. Not a certain episode, but the whole thing. Why would I separate them? They're all the same story. And it's a GREAT, epic story.
Children of Men had an interesting premise: In 2027, everybody stopped getting pregnant. And suddenly one woman gets pregnant. That's interesting. But, that's about all that is good about this movie IMHO.
I'm only linking to this review because this movie is what got me thinking about this. I don't necessarily agree with his review, but he might give you a little more to go. In a nutshell, I'm not recommending the movie.
So, this morning in the shower I was thinking of what a movie needs for me to enjoy it. I started coming up with a list, but it's not really hiearchy because there are times when a movie can be stronger in one thing and it covers up a lack of another aspect. Sometimes this turns out acceptable to me and sometimes it doesn't. So here's the first of my list of important aspects for a movie in loose order with the exception of the first...
Movies Need to Have a Good story. This is far and away the most important. I can forgive a lot of bad dialogue, bad acting, bad cinematography, bad casting, bad editing if the story is good. Case in point: Star Wars saga. If you watch the whole sexology top to bottom, there are plenty of cringe-worthy scenes of horrible acting and worse dialogue; and not just in episodes I-III, although probably the worst instances would be found there. In episodes IV-VI, there are tons of cheesy, stupid lines of dialogue and lots of horrible acting. In fact, it's a testament to Harrison Ford as an actor that he's able to deliver some of those lines and NOT sound like a campy, cheese fest. In spite of these flaws, the Star Wars saga is among my favorite movies. Not a certain episode, but the whole thing. Why would I separate them? They're all the same story. And it's a GREAT, epic story.
Children of Men had an interesting premise: In 2027, everybody stopped getting pregnant. And suddenly one woman gets pregnant. That's interesting. But, that's about all that is good about this movie IMHO.
1.18.2007
I missed baby bookworms today. I was up at 6:30 ish REALLY mad. Mommy said it sounded like pain. Now she's wondering if I'm teething. She says if that's the case she doesn't need to keep me from other kids. But she didn't think about that until later this morning. Daddy got up with me but all I wanted was Mommy. So Mommy held me & I got quiet. For a minute. Then she gave me some teething pills that dissolve in my mouth. She gave me some milk. She loved on me. Daddy found a place to work today at a school he's wanted to get into so he went ahead and got ready for work after he gave me some tylenol. I calmed down and Mommy took me into her bed. I sat there for a little while looking around. Slowly my parents turned off all the lights & I got sleepy and laid down with Mommy. We both fell asleep til 9:30. Mommy said it was not a big deal that we missed the library today cuz she's sure they'll do the same songs next week. She's probably right. So, before my Mommy ate breakfast she put me on the floor. She got some short vidoes that she's uploading right now. They're not as good as my performance yesterday but at least you'll be able to see what I can do. It's not really a scoot, it's more like a creep. Mommy says it's kind of funny to put the words "ivy" and "creeping" next to each other. Daddy says my creeping is not graceful...yet. It helps if you breathe hard and grunt a little.
I found some new stuff last night while I was doing this creeping around. I'll show ya later.
1.17.2007
Lisey's Story
Lisey's Story
I've got about about 100 pages left of the newest Stephen King novel that I got from the library. It was due yesterday and I can't recheck it because somebody else put it on hold. They're just going to have to wait.
It's pretty good, classic King. IMHO, anybody who writes of Mr. King as pop/horror writer or for any other reason just haven't given him any notice. His characters are well-rounded and he's got interesting, gripping stories. Sometimes his endings suck, but I find that to be true for most writers most of the time. So, I'll keep reading.
I've got about about 100 pages left of the newest Stephen King novel that I got from the library. It was due yesterday and I can't recheck it because somebody else put it on hold. They're just going to have to wait.
It's pretty good, classic King. IMHO, anybody who writes of Mr. King as pop/horror writer or for any other reason just haven't given him any notice. His characters are well-rounded and he's got interesting, gripping stories. Sometimes his endings suck, but I find that to be true for most writers most of the time. So, I'll keep reading.
Rent (2005)
Rent (2005)
So, let it be known that I realized a couple of years ago that I don't really like musicals. When I finally got to see a touring production of Phantom of the Opera in KC when I was in college, I was royally disappointed. I think that's when I just started to say I don't like musicals. I've mellowed a little because just a couple of years ago, Holly and I saw a touring production of Le Miserables at the Walton in Fayetteville and it was absolutely stunning. Anyway...
I checked out Rent from the library just to see what the hubbub was all about. Holly and I sat down to watch it only lasted about 15 or 20 minutes before we shut it off. Believe me when I say that I really shut off DVDs. I just the the music was kinda crappy and the story/characters were melodramatic and I just didn't foresee it getting any better. I just didn't dig it. Some might. I didn't. But, that's not what this blog is about.
At one point in the short bit that we watched, mom and dad call and leave a msg on the answering machine of one of the main struggling-artist-in-the-big-city characters. I don't remember it exactly and this is a very broad paraphrase but it basically said, "we miss you and we're sad that you're not here at home with us for christmas. we love you and hope you're well. Please call us and let us know how you are sometime..." It didn't even say anything like, "when are you going to get a real job? when are you going to settle down and get married? pregnant? grow up? be responsible?" It was just kind of a dorky msg like parental msgs of that sort seem to be but it still seemed sweet and honestly caring.
As soon as struggling-artist-in-the-big-city character plays back the msg, he deadpans to his room-mate something like, "sometimes this city really gets me down and i start thinking it would be nice to go home and then THEY call and I remember how horrible it is."
huh? Why exactly are they so horrible? It just sounded to me like they cared.
I'm probably not telling this very well to illustrate my confusion.
But a more interesting question was what was the purpose of that clip of dialogue? Because it seemed obvious to Holly and me that the main character was thinking/reacting wrongly. At the same time, it seemed like the writer/director/performers/producers/whoever delivered the dialogue in all earnestness. Could it have been meant to evoke one sentiment and actually it evokes the exact complete opposite.
If you read this whole post, sorry it's been so long since I've posted. And I'm sorry that this is the post you had to read, because I know it doesn't make as much sense as it does in my head.
So, let it be known that I realized a couple of years ago that I don't really like musicals. When I finally got to see a touring production of Phantom of the Opera in KC when I was in college, I was royally disappointed. I think that's when I just started to say I don't like musicals. I've mellowed a little because just a couple of years ago, Holly and I saw a touring production of Le Miserables at the Walton in Fayetteville and it was absolutely stunning. Anyway...
I checked out Rent from the library just to see what the hubbub was all about. Holly and I sat down to watch it only lasted about 15 or 20 minutes before we shut it off. Believe me when I say that I really shut off DVDs. I just the the music was kinda crappy and the story/characters were melodramatic and I just didn't foresee it getting any better. I just didn't dig it. Some might. I didn't. But, that's not what this blog is about.
At one point in the short bit that we watched, mom and dad call and leave a msg on the answering machine of one of the main struggling-artist-in-the-big-city characters. I don't remember it exactly and this is a very broad paraphrase but it basically said, "we miss you and we're sad that you're not here at home with us for christmas. we love you and hope you're well. Please call us and let us know how you are sometime..." It didn't even say anything like, "when are you going to get a real job? when are you going to settle down and get married? pregnant? grow up? be responsible?" It was just kind of a dorky msg like parental msgs of that sort seem to be but it still seemed sweet and honestly caring.
As soon as struggling-artist-in-the-big-city character plays back the msg, he deadpans to his room-mate something like, "sometimes this city really gets me down and i start thinking it would be nice to go home and then THEY call and I remember how horrible it is."
huh? Why exactly are they so horrible? It just sounded to me like they cared.
I'm probably not telling this very well to illustrate my confusion.
But a more interesting question was what was the purpose of that clip of dialogue? Because it seemed obvious to Holly and me that the main character was thinking/reacting wrongly. At the same time, it seemed like the writer/director/performers/producers/whoever delivered the dialogue in all earnestness. Could it have been meant to evoke one sentiment and actually it evokes the exact complete opposite.
If you read this whole post, sorry it's been so long since I've posted. And I'm sorry that this is the post you had to read, because I know it doesn't make as much sense as it does in my head.
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